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DH wanting to go on night out with his mates while I look after our DC and it's my bday weekend - AIBU?

(49 Posts)
Iveprobablybeenunreasonable Fri 08-Mar-19 16:01:42

Am seriously peed off... it's my bday tomorrow. Only 31 so not a big one.
DH has said he is going to watch the football Sunday... okay I thought. It's not my bday Sunday. Means I'll be with the kids all day alone again as I am every day (almost at the end of mat leave).
Today he's text saying his 4 mates have arranged an impromptu night out tonight and as it's not my bday today he's going to go out... so yet again another night sat in the house alone...
AIBU to be hugely fucked off or am I being a princess.
I haven't asked for anything for my bday, just kind of assumed DH may want to have a nice weekend with us. Feeling sorry for myself!

Crunchymum Fri 08-Mar-19 16:02:44

What is the plan for tomorrow?

Iveprobablybeenunreasonable Fri 08-Mar-19 16:04:59

We don't have one sad maybe go out for some dinner if i arrange it!

PickAChew Fri 08-Mar-19 16:07:20

Is he likely to be too hungover to go out for dinner with you?

BlueSkiesLies Fri 08-Mar-19 16:08:49

“That’s fine lovely, but of course you’ll need to organise a babysitter because I am already on a planned night out with me friends. And I wrote mine on the calendar we are supposed to be using”

LoudBatPerson Fri 08-Mar-19 16:09:22

Could you go out with friends tomorrow, if you feel your husband is not planning on organising something?

I personally wouldn't be bothered by my husband going out the day before or after my birthday, however, on the actual birthday might be different.

CherieBabySpliffUp Fri 08-Mar-19 16:09:55

I would go out and have a day to yourself doing what you want to do. Let him look after the children hungover or not flowers

FiveLittlePigs Fri 08-Mar-19 16:11:29

Ask him what he's got arranged for your birthday. No point in meekly letting your birthday weekend go unnoticed, let him know that your birthday is important to you and you're looking forward to whatever celebration he has planned.

Yes, it is PA but better a late booking than nothing happening at all to mark your birthday. Hope you have a lovely day xx

ErickBroch Fri 08-Mar-19 16:11:58

YANBU I would be pissed off too - he doesn't sound like he gives a toss tbh. Happy birthday for tomorrow OP

Iveprobablybeenunreasonable Fri 08-Mar-19 16:16:15

Thanks all. To be honest he hasnt really cared about me or anyone else's feelings since his father passed away 11 months ago. I'm finding it harder as the months go by to pretend I'm not getting fed up of feeling like an inconvenience to him sad

BackforGood Fri 08-Mar-19 16:20:16

So, you are annoyed that your dh happens to be going out, on a night when it isn't even your birthday, and when you haven't got anything arranged anyway ? confused

Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:24:24

Why are you continuing to pretend? Fuck that. He's being a self-absorbed twat and you're allowing it. It's time to tell him exactly how you feel.

NabooThatsWho Fri 08-Mar-19 16:27:10

Definitely arrange to go out with friends if you can.

It’s not so much about the birthday, it’s his lack of caring towards you which has obviously gone on too long.

Toooldtocareanymore Fri 08-Mar-19 16:27:14

he wont know your getting upset about it if you keep pretending your not, sounds like you need a big chat but not this weekend..

You didn't have plans for tonight, learn from this and get in there first, make plans for next weekend with rugby on, either with him or without and tell him he's babysitting, and come on be a big girl its not your 'birthday weekend'.. you have a birthday Saturday, I think I'd be warning him though, by saying I'm not thrilled after week of kids your heading out twice better not drink too much tonight, as I'm expecting breakfast in bed Saturday when I open all my presents' , and if you think nothing is arranged and your going to feel neglected then book somewhere you want to go, preferable somewhere he wouldn't or book cinema tickets to a movie he'd hate...a bit of passive aggression to get even

7yo7yo Fri 08-Mar-19 16:27:38

He’s not a mind reader!
Tell him!

mindutopia Fri 08-Mar-19 16:31:51

Unless it's something special (not just a night at the pub with friends or Sunday football), it's unreasonable for anyone who is a parent to be out two nights in a weekend for fun leaving the other parent to do everything. You aren't housemates. You're partners and parents. For something special, okay, maybe if it works for both of you. But you aren't the babysitter. If anyone should be getting a chance to relax this weekend, given it's your birthday, it's you. I would be honest with him that no it's not going to work. Maybe you can come up with some impromptu birthday plans with friends or family of your own?

sparkling123 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:34:49

Call him out on it and stop putting up with nonsense off him because he is grieving. It will only get worse, trust me, don't let things go because you are putting his grief and feelings first.
Also, make sure you get a day to yourself this weekend, make him have the kids (if you're not bf), you sound like you need a break and it will do you good x

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 08-Mar-19 16:38:42

Test him back and just say you're at the end of your tether with the DC (whether true or not) and you need him to come back and act as a parent for the evening to give you a break.

Hope you manage to have a nice birthday.

HomeMadeMadness Fri 08-Mar-19 16:40:09

I'd be making full weekend plans next week preferably staying at a friend's or hotel so he can do the night shift and early mornings.

Drogosnextwife Fri 08-Mar-19 16:40:45

So, you are annoyed that your dh happens to be going out, on a night when it isn't even your birthday, and when you haven't got anything arranged anyway ? confused

Presumably because the OP has said that she spend a lot of time alone and this is yet another weekend she is left alone. Why should he get to go out with his friends all the time, then when it comes to the times OP could go out when he's there she feels guilty because she wants them to spend time together as a family.

RedHelenB Fri 08-Mar-19 16:41:54

Think you need to make some plans and leave him to look after the children.

JustDanceAddict Fri 08-Mar-19 16:43:15

The bday thing is def a last straw. I hope he has something nice planned for tmw. Def see if your friends or family are free at least on the Sunday.
My dh isn’t that bothered about bdays but I’ve trained him a bit.

Stargazer888 Fri 08-Mar-19 16:53:02

Ask him to plan something for your birthday. As for the other nights honestly I wouldn't be bothered. You are though so you should say something.

Springwalk Fri 08-Mar-19 16:57:46

I would absolutely be saying you expect him to organise something special for you on Saturday. Give him one or eyes ideas so he knows what to book.
Personally I wouldn’t be happy with him going out on both occasions. I would compromise and say Friday night or Sunday. Not both. Doing both is excessive, and not fair to you.

museumum Fri 08-Mar-19 16:58:02

I would be saying “if you’re out Friday night and Sunday what are we doing for my birthday Saturday daytime and evening?”

What do you want to do? What’s the weather like? Nice day out and a pub lunch? Takeaway? Dinner out if you have a babysitter available? Some time alone / with friends? I think you need to have an idea of what you’d like ideally.

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