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The mean girls

(10 Posts)
mussiemummy5 Thu 07-Mar-19 23:38:24

Apologies if posting in wrong section. I dont know where to turn to and I just feel sick at what my daughter is going through. She was bullied badly when she started High School. It went on for over a year, school were unable to stop and only when girls got particularly nasty and police got involved did it stop. Those girls never game near her again. Since then she has moved on and for the last year has had - what we thought - were a nice group of friends. I met the mums and they all seemed decent. Until two weeks ago. For some reason one girl, always the ringleader, took a dislike to my daughter. They have all now called her names, spread lies and managed to get pretty much her whole peer group to turn against her. Why do they do this??? I cant beleive it is all starting up again. I am trying so hard not to show her my anxieties. She is now refusing to go to school and with exams coming up in 2 months this is awful. Wednesday I tried to speak to one of the mums of a girl involved in being mean. Her child swears at my daughter walking down corriders when she has her stooges with her, brave huh!! The mother basically said she wasn’t interested and she was going to just let her daughter get on with it!! I was very polite and restrained all things considered. Now my daughter thinks I have made it worse. They are all 14. I want to involve the school again, nip it in the bud as last time I waited for a bit thinking it would reolve itself, of course it didnt, but she has no faith in them at all. She has one or two friends at school but they are not in many classes together and they stay out of it all at school for fear of getting picked on. My daughter wants to move schools but its just not practical with her exams coming up. They have tried to bate her on many occasions and she just walks away. They spread lies on social media which people tell her about as she doesnt connect with them on it. I was devastated this other mother was so rude and disinterested. To be honest I am losing faith in people and kindness, i cant imagine how she is feeling having to deal with these scumbags. Anyone have practical advice? How do i get my daughter to return to school? I cant exactly drag her, she is bigger than me now!!

WatchingFromTheSidelines Fri 08-Mar-19 01:38:31

Please let her change schools.

I am sorry she and you are going through this flowers but to be honest moving schools to get away from the horrid girls and have a fresh start really is the best option, particularly as your daughter is requesting the move.
I moved my daughter away from her bullies and it was the best thing I could have done for her. She made new friends and regained her confidence at this crucial time.

thefirst48 Fri 08-Mar-19 02:01:11

She is 14 what exams are more important at that age then her mental health! Move schools!

stayathomer Fri 08-Mar-19 02:06:26

I'm so sorry but I agree on the changing schools. Could she go back a year in the new school? ( I don't even know if this is possible). I was bullied in school and it's awful to be looking over your shoulder all the time. I'd say asap and don't lose faith in people ( and don't let her either). You've done great so far OP, well done in all t he steps you've taken and it's a pity about the other mums flowers

pilates Fri 08-Mar-19 02:07:05

Yes move her, so sorry your daughter is going through this

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser Fri 08-Mar-19 02:08:59

Your daughter can sit exams in the future if these go wrong, right now you need to put her mental health first! I was horrendously bullied at school and despite gaining merits/ distinctions on all of my University assignments, I came out with BBCC instead of the AAAA that I was more than capable of achieving.

Why? Because I was being bullied horrendously and my friendship group then turned on me. A group of boys had the entire year call me by an altered version of my name which was deeply mysogenistic and incredibly upsetting. This impacted on my mental and physical health and I dreaded school.

Your dd is basically going into a war zone every day at school. Her body will be desperate to protect her and will physically make her unwell to avoid interacting with these bullies. It is impossible to concentrate on your studies when you are exhausted from the trauma of being hounded all day at school. Not to mention the fact that your poor daughter can’t escape from the bullies, even in her own home! When I was bullied, home was my sanctuary, my safe space where I could be me without worrying about the bullies. For that reason, I would keep a close eye on your dd’s Social media accounts.

I watched a news article about a girl who was similarly bullied/ turned against by a so called friendship group. It might help you to see what your dd is likely going through every day at school

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser Fri 08-Mar-19 02:11:18

I worded that strangely- at school I was underperforming and gained BBCC when I was more than capable of AAAA . My success at University made this so much clearer!

snitzelvoncrumb Fri 08-Mar-19 02:17:02

I agree she needs to move schools. Are there other options? Can she attended an online school or college she can finish her highschool education with? Make sure she understands that it's not her, it's them. Highschool is shit for a lot of people.

Mum2OneTeen Fri 08-Mar-19 02:59:01

Another one saying move schools.
I was bullied at school and still have PTSD more than 40 years later. It is not an exaggeration to say that bullying has ruined my life.

mussiemummy5 Fri 08-Mar-19 07:47:06

Thank you for your replies. I will definitely look into moving her schools. It is heartbreaking to see her suffer. Of course her mental health is way more important than her exams I just thought as this stage it wouldnt be a good move but I absolutely hear you. She has gotten A’s in her prelim so is very clever and I only want whats best for her. I guess I still cant believe we are in this situation again and the response of the other parent kinda was a wake up call. I mean if thats what the other girl is getting at home as a role model the I can only imagine what my daughter has to put up with. I am shocked at how these girls have turned into ferrel animals, no other words for it, how they seem happy to want to disgard her as a trash. The only positive is she has spoken to me and not bottled this all up and we can support her through this shitty time.

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