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to not go to hospital as I'm worried social services will get involved?

(86 Posts)
teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:17:00

I feel so stupid writing this as I am in such a thing haze at the moment. NCd as don't want anyone to recognise me. My ex partner was really cruel to me. I've been told it was EA. I believe it was. If I told you you'd wonder why I stayed so long.

I'm stressed to the point that I keep having panic attacks and can't breathe. I have chest pain and feel sick. I'm anxious and can't cope anymore. I have a small son, and I am not struggling to look after him. This stress whilst affecting my health, has no affect on my ability as a mother.

I nearly went to walk-in/hospital today after I had my 3rd panic attack in 4 days. My ex is constantly texting. He wants updates all the time about our son. I'm so anxious and he's continuing his controlling abusive behaviour.

If I end up in hospital or medicated due to stress, will that go against me? Will people think I can't look after my baby?

I'm falling apart.

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:18:25

I'm an amazing mum. I will happily admit that. My son is my world.

Jackshouse Thu 07-Mar-19 22:20:02

No it won’t.

You need to get medical help. Are you sure it is a panic attack? My ‘panic attacks’ were misdiagnosed gall stones.

Also post on relationships for advice in dealing with your ex

Bookworm4 Thu 07-Mar-19 22:20:40

Having a panic attack is not a reason for a hospital to call SS. Get a GP appointment and get advice. Tell your ex arsehole that he is only to contact to arrange visitation with your DC and don't reply to any other texts.

Mmmhmmm Thu 07-Mar-19 22:21:45

You need to book in to see a GP right away.

Ignore his texts unless they involve arranging contact.

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:22:06

@Jackshouse I'm scared to post as the issues are quite specific. I can't have him know I've posted on here. It sounds silly but I'm scared of him seeing it. Not sure why he would be on here...

Thank you both. I've moved house and can't go to doctors for 2 weeks whilst they get my records. Walk in won't deal with it. I don't know what to do.

Serin Thu 07-Mar-19 22:22:53

Unless you feel that you are having some sort of cardiac event and need seeing urgently your first port of call should surely be your GP.
They will be able to refer you to the correct service for help.
You have nothing to fear from social services at all. They are there to help and support not to judge.
Mental health problems dont mean that you are a poor mother at all. To seek help is a sign of strength.

Smelborp Thu 07-Mar-19 22:23:01

Being on medication wouldn’t go against you and most people don’t end up in hospital for stress. Are you worried that you do need to be in hospital?

Could you get a new phone and tell everyone but your ex the new number? That way you could check his calls when you feel ready.

You don’t need to be in constant contact with your ex.

Tomtontom Thu 07-Mar-19 22:23:26

If it is a panic attack you need to see your GP, not the hospital or a walk in. You need an ongoing treatment plan, which might be medication but also talking therapy.

Nothing you've told us would prompt a social services referral.

mushforbrain Thu 07-Mar-19 22:24:07

If you ‘can’t cope’ and are ‘falling apart’ then it is affecting your ability to be a mother, surely? That’s not me getting at you, it just seems obvious.
You need help and you seem to recognise that, go now before it escalates and impacts further on your health.
You did the right thing before for you and your son by leaving. Don’t stop now, and get advice about how to deal with your ex.
You and your son deserve a happy and healthy future.
Think how many mums must be on anxiety or depression medication with absolutely no need for SS involvement.

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:24:18

Problem is he's contacting me a lot re contact. I had to cancel tonight as I am not well. I can't drive when I'm like this. It was the right thing to do. It would've been dangerous for me to drive an hour to see him. He now wants updates tomorrow about his son, wants photos which is fine, wants to see him all Saturday and Sunday. Wants me to cancel my plans on Sunday so he can see him. It's too much. I'm so exhausted.

Serin Thu 07-Mar-19 22:24:23

Oh sorry for the cross post there OP.

Tolleshunt Thu 07-Mar-19 22:24:28

Can you afford to see a private therapist, quickly? It sounds like you have had a stressful time, and are understandably anxious because of it. While you may need several sessions of therapy to tackle the anxiety, and help to detach emotionally from your abusive ex, panic attacks themselves are often very quick to treat and get under control.

Are you aware of what panic attacks are? I would suggest reading up on them as a first step. They are not dangerous, and are often driven by 'fear of the fear'. If you can face them head on, and no longer be scared of them, they will stop.

Many, many parents suffer from anxiety. As long as you can look after your child, it will not go against you that you have sought help.

Houseonahill Thu 07-Mar-19 22:26:38

That's not true about you can't be seem for 2 weeks, I moved doctors surgery today after moving to a new area and also got a doctor's appointment for today at my new surgery, I just had to fill a temporary patient form in. If you explain you need to see a GP it's an emergency they will see you. GP will much better at helping you then A and E, there isn't a lot AandE can do for anxiety.

Tolleshunt Thu 07-Mar-19 22:26:43

It also sounds like you need to put boundaries in place with your ex ASAP. Is there a contact order in place?

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:26:51

I just need some help. My ability as a mother is not impaired at all. My son is bathed, fed, loved and rested. I would do anything for him.

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:27:34

@Tolleshunt no there's not. Not yet. I can't afford court I'm so scared he will take me though.

Houseonahill Thu 07-Mar-19 22:28:48

Regarding you ex don't play up to him, define what contact he can have and what updates you will be providing which can be as many or as little as you want and ignore EVERYTHING else he send you. Don't let him control you anymore. If he carries on texting you it's harassment report him to the police and get an official contact arrangement through the courts.

Jackyjill6 Thu 07-Mar-19 22:29:15

Is there someone you could go to stay with OP? Or have them come to your place? Someone who can help you feel a bit calmer.

OhHolyFcuk Thu 07-Mar-19 22:29:50

Also, please look for somewhere in your area that does the Freedom Programme course

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:29:52

@Houseonahill I am just scared to do that as my DS is EBF and I have to see him on my own 😥 ignoring him will make him angry...

Houseonahill Thu 07-Mar-19 22:29:53

You don't have to pay for court, you can do it free yourself depending on the circumstances of your split you may also qualify for legal aid

Houseonahill Thu 07-Mar-19 22:31:00

So he gets angry? Ignore him and report it to the police. You have to take control of your life back. I know it's hard but you have to be strong.

teggart Thu 07-Mar-19 22:31:42

@Jackyjill6 I'm staying with my dad who is great but away during the week.

@OhHolyFcuk I'm already on a waiting list thankfully. Hopefully I'll hear back soon.

@Houseonahill I like to think I'm smart enough to rep myself but I'm not sure..

Missingstreetlife Thu 07-Mar-19 22:31:46

Get legal advice, he is harassing you. Contact needs to be organised somyou don't have to think about it. Is dc safe with him? Why have you got to drive, he can collect. Also ring women's aid for support. Good luck

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