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'Bloody woman'

(70 Posts)
Hollygoverylightly Thu 07-Mar-19 21:47:19

Please tell me if I am overreacting...SO's elderly father (very mentally alert) keeps saying things like 'tell that bloody woman to do it' (for example, pour a drink). I either sit down and pretend I didn't here or leave. According to SO I am overreacting. I don't get mad, I just ignore it, but apparently because I don't obey when I am asked to do something in this way, I am being unreasonable. hmm I'm putting this out there, but I pretty much know that this is not ok. What if I said 'hey dickhead, do that for me'grin

Hollygoverylightly Thu 07-Mar-19 21:47:55

*hear grin

DartmoorDoughnut Thu 07-Mar-19 21:47:56

YANBU

Catren Thu 07-Mar-19 21:49:58

Er. Yanbu. He can stick it. How rude! You're responding in exactly the right way I think. He must find it infuriating that you're not either doing as you're told or at least arguing back like a bloody hysterical woman. They're the WORST.

khaleesi71 Thu 07-Mar-19 21:51:40

People are often enabled because we allow bad behaviour to go unchecked. I think calling it out is the right thing to do - but much harder to do in a calm and unemotional manner (I fail at that). He's a twat - even if you don't tell him!!

Holidayshopping Thu 07-Mar-19 21:53:24

Why do you ignore it?
Why is your partner not saying something?

I can’t really imagine a situation where this would just be ignored?!

martinidry Thu 07-Mar-19 21:54:10

Why do you pretend not to hear, leave or ignore it?
Why don't you tell him not to speak to you like that? It's not your job to go along with your disrespectful SO's expectations or to placate your SO's obnoxious father.
Neither have respect for you and neither will until you put a stop to their behaviour. If that means not visiting the father, so be it. If it means dumping the SO's backside into touch, it will be deserved.

Mummyto2munchkins Thu 07-Mar-19 21:55:25

YANBU. Is he the type of person to expect the woman to cook, clean, look after the kids and also work? Also the type that must kiss the feet of the "hierarchy" which are the men of the world too?

I'd be totalled peeved! You are in no way unreasonable to refuse to do something when being spoken to so derogatory. If DH thinks "bloody woman" is acceptable start calling him "sh*T face" and see if that's OK.. Pretty sure it won't be.
P.s you could always get him the complete opposite of what he's asking for. I.E a cold drink instead of a hot drink, coffee instead of tea. I mean he did say pour a drink after all didn't he? 😏

Mmmhmmm Thu 07-Mar-19 21:57:41

Your partner isn't standing up for you speaks volumes as to what kind of man he is.

Hollygoverylightly Thu 07-Mar-19 22:02:55

My SO just came back, I told that I won't be spoken to like that and he just said 'you can't take a joke' hmm well I won't accept it even it is just 'banter '

IHateUncleJamie Thu 07-Mar-19 22:07:30

YADNBU. Rude old git. Your SO’s no better, either. Aren’t “jokes” supposed to be funny?

mamato3lads Thu 07-Mar-19 22:09:20

If you've said it offends you it's no longer a "joke" and your SO should put a stop to it. If it carries on I'd do as others have suggested and greet him with "hey cockface how's life treating ya?" If he or SO is offended refer them to previous said "joke" hmm

Rude.

littlecabbage Thu 07-Mar-19 22:09:53

That is not a joke, it is pure misogyny. Do not put up with it. If your SO cannot tell his father to stop his insults, then he is just as bad.

Treaclesweet Thu 07-Mar-19 22:10:39

If it's a 'joke', try rudely'bantering' back. I.e. "get it yourself you lazy dickhead" see how that goes down. You'll soon see how much he is joking/bantering.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Thu 07-Mar-19 22:16:48

What treaclesweet said!

M3lon Thu 07-Mar-19 22:18:11

You need to explain to your SO that jokes are the ones that make people smile and laugh...the ones that make people feel horrible and uncomfortable...those aren't the jokes.

Maybe you could make him a flowchart to help with the identification process?

Grumpelstilskin Thu 07-Mar-19 22:20:14

Just call him an old wanker. Just for a joke...

Blueuggboots Thu 07-Mar-19 22:21:24

I'd call him out on every single time.
And I'd be tempted to give him a very rude nickname and insist on addressing him by that nickname every time....after all, it's only banter.....

Magenta82 Thu 07-Mar-19 22:23:57

I'm sick of nastiness being minimised and ignored because it is "just a joke" as if somehow its unreasonable to not enjoy being disrespected.
Fuck them both.

FinalNameChange Thu 07-Mar-19 22:24:11

If it's not dementia, you could find it slightly easier to bear by just assuming it IS due to dementia...

WanderingDaffodil Thu 07-Mar-19 22:25:57

It's not a joke. It's rude and misogynistic.

You could try reminding him it's the 21st century and women are no longer servants to men.

How old is he? Over ninety? or 75?

picklemepopcorn Thu 07-Mar-19 22:28:13

Tell the bloody woman to get it.

Tell the bloody man I'll get it when he asks me nicely.

mammoon Thu 07-Mar-19 22:28:56

YANBU. It's not funny at all. Your partner not standing up for you is also not funny.

Do you have to visit him? Can you just not go? If you have to go, I wouldn't ignore it or pretend not to hear. I'd look him right in the eyes and say something along the lines of "Oh do shut up" in a tone of clear irritation. He keeps doing it because it entertains him to be openly misogynist. If you make it unfunny/uncomfortable for him, he may well just stop.

What you do about your partner, though, is a different matter.

Bohbell Thu 07-Mar-19 22:30:12

It is NOT a joke. I wouldd just turn aroumd to him and say ‘pardon?’ Really loud to him and eyeball him until he has to look away. And then keep calling him ‘old git’ under your breath and tell him its just a joke.

Imperfectsusan Thu 07-Mar-19 22:31:11

Can I ask what is an SO?

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