Distance from sibling

[Tweety1981]

Wondered what you would do ?

I have a sibling who I don’t have a lot to do with . I have other siblings with whom I do .

It started when we were in our late teens .

She let me down on a number of occasions , tended to be things to do with boys and sibling secrets let out to parents .

Sometimes I’d tell her things in confidence , later to find that she was blackmailing me with it , nothing big ( in the adult world ) but a big deal at the time of being in late teens .

As you can imagine trust broke .

She also manipulated parents particularly dad , so that she had better house ruleS , eg no house chores for her but not for me etc etc ...

Now we are adults .

I don’t trust her and don’t want anything to do with her .

On my wedding day she tubings every family photo , by turning her face and being the only one not looking at the camera .

As an adult she disinvited every member of our family ( including me and my parents and my other siblings ) to her civil wedding ceremony .

After she had a baby she wanted a lot to do with me , wanting to me a god parent ( I refused ) . I visited and have the baby an amazing present etc but I have very much kept my distance .

She wanted to start socialising and be a part of my life again, I have young children of my own , but I don’t have much to do with her or her child ( aside from sending the odd gift for the child )

Am I being unreasonable to not want anything to do with her .

Am I doing the Right thing for my children and their cousin ?

[ImNotTheDramaLlamaHere]

It doesn't sound like she's done anything major... you sound like your being a bit ott dramatic.

[Tweety1981]

So you would have something to with a sibling even if they didn’t invite you ( or your whole family parents etc ) to their wedding ?

[Babysharkdododont]

Maybe her having a child has made her reevaluate her priorioand she wants to make good your relationship?

[Babysharkdododont]

Priorities obviously, stupid fat fingers

[Tweety1981]

That’s what I think baby shark , but that’s where I think that I’m being manipulated yet again because my sibling has now decided that they need their family for childcare etc !

[ImNotTheDramaLlamaHere]

If I was the only family member not invited to the wedding then yeah I'd be upset but since no one else was then it shouldn't really be an issue. It's obviously not as big a deal to her as to you.

[Babysharkdododont]

Maybe try having a relationship on your terms. Let the kids hang out, have coffee etc, but on no level do any favours or childcare until you are haply to - if ever.

[ducky21]

I agree with you, I think ur instincts are right, you know her better than anyone having grown up with her and seen what she has done, it's not as if she has apologised for everything that has happened, people do change as they get older but they don't have a personality transplant. I'd stick to your guns and keep her out of your life.. you don't need drama like that in your life, she will find someone else to use and you will be glad of your decision. You will still see her child at family events etc anyway.

[Tweety1981]

Thanks ducky that’s the way I see it .

There is nothing worse than being manipulated at someone else’s whim .

So tired of it .

Thank you

[Mmmhmmm]

I have a manipulative sibling I have almost nothing to do with as well, it's far better this way.