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AIBU?

I feel sorry for DP.

25 replies

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:08

DP is in job he really hates. He works in financial services, the hours are terrible, as are management and the overall morale of the staff that work there.

The pay is not too bad, around £1400 a month not including bonuses etc but he's so down and depressed and really wants a career change.

He left school and went straight into a plumbing apprenticeship that he loved but unfortunately he got laid off as the company had no work.

Since then he's been in various different jobs and never stuck at one, he's always been unhappy in that sense and he opened up to me last night and told me he's really had enough.

He really wants to learn a trade again but we both have no idea where to even start to look for one or how to get into it apprenticeships pay terribly and we just can't afford that pay cut, especially with DS on the way.

AIBU to ask for suggestions or advice? I feel terrible for him because I know how much he hates going there everyday.

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Report

outpinked · 07/03/2019 15:10

Why can’t he go back into plumbing if he loved it so much?

sackrifice · 07/03/2019 15:11

Google: citb construction skills fund.

It may help fund him back into plumbing.

Angelicinnocent · 07/03/2019 15:12

Could he work part time in his current job and do a level 2 course at college? That's what a friend of ours did, he went on to do level 3 course and got a part time job in that area. They then gave him a full time role when he finished.

He struggled for those 2 years but doesn't regret it.

Angelicinnocent · 07/03/2019 15:12

That's in welding. A

Kaz2200 · 07/03/2019 15:12

What about a gas engineer, OK he won't get paid while training, but shorter than a apprenticeship and good money.

Spicylolly · 07/03/2019 15:13

Does he want to do plumbing again? There's advanced learner loans that can help with qualifications.

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:22

Thanks everyone.

It's not possible for him to go part time, his work aren't flexible at all and I don't believe that he can have any secondary interests. I know this as I work in FS also and we have to declare things like that.

Money is very tight, I'm off sick until mat leave begins. We both have considerable amount of debts which makes its harder when it comes to pay etc. We just about get by with what we have now.

I will look into learner loans, I haven't heard of those before

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jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:23

@Spicylolly yes plumbing is his preference but I think he's open to engineering and other construction work etc

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jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:25

@outpinked he couldn't finish his plumbing apprentice because he got laid off before it ended. He has no qualifications in plumbing so he can't just walk into a plumbing job.

He applied for lots of plumbing apprenticeships when he finished there but got nowhere for months so it got to the point where he had to take anything.

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Home77 · 07/03/2019 15:30

Hi, I empathise as my husband is feeling the same. It is really getting him down, struggling to sleep etc and really fed up with it.

It's not easy and I thought of posting also. It is hard when having to pay out bills etc (and debts) and feel stuck with the situation as it is.

I don;t have any solutions but will be following, for now. Hope it goes Ok

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:30

@Home77 it really is difficult hope things change for you soon!

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Home77 · 07/03/2019 15:34

It is, it is hard when they seem a bit stuck, and you feel a bit powerless to help. Mine is self employed, (mind you not sure that helps as still stuck doing stuff for the money he doesn't enjoy and is stressful)

wonder if could retrain in the evenings or something

Home77 · 07/03/2019 15:35

I know someone just started as a Smart meter fitter, maybe could be an idea, then could retrain also?

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:36

@home77 he works until 8pm one week on, one week off

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HollowTalk · 07/03/2019 15:48

You both work in financial services yet have a lot of debt. Can't your organisation help in any way with this?

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:49

@HollowTalk we don't have jobs that relate to debt management or anything.

I in investments and he in mortgages

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jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:50

@HollowTalk also the debt is manageable. We keep up with payments every month, just at the moment are outgoings are a lot so we can't exactly take a massive reduction in one of our earnings..

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JaneEyre07 · 07/03/2019 15:53

I won't ask why you're having a child when you're both in debt, that's your choice but hardly sensible.

He needs to suck it up, and get on with it. Few people get their dream job, the rest of us go in, do our hours and work to live.

My DH works a 60 hour week 6 days a week and doesn't do so by choice he does it because he has a family and staff to support. Jesus.

HollowTalk · 07/03/2019 15:56

It's a shame they can't help you there.

Do you have children together? If not, could he find a plumber who'd let him work free of charge every other week?

Is he a handy kind of bloke? Can he turn his hand to anything around the house?

Skittlesss · 07/03/2019 15:56

Is he good with numbers? Obviously not a “trade” but he could get an advanced learner loan to do accounting qualifications.

jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:57

@JaneEyre07 there's no need to be so rude, I simply asked for advice on how he could get his foot in the door.

Imagine coming on a thread and being so horribly judgmental. And good for you and your husband.

FYI, he is getting on with it, he doesn't like it but he's there everyday doing the hours supporting our family - just like yours is.

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jcmayj · 07/03/2019 15:58

@Skittlesss yes actually, he is! He was always brilliant at maths in school.

I will mention accounting to him, I know a few people who have had brilliant apprenticeships in that industry.

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jcmayj · 07/03/2019 16:00

@HollowTalk DS1 is due in May.

He isn't really that "handy" to be honest, I think that's why he wants to learn and do it for a job.

It'd be difficult for him to find the time to do work free of charge with a plumber but I will mention it. He might be open to it

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mrsk28 · 07/03/2019 16:03

Plenty of parents/soon to be parents are paying back loans all the time. OP never said she was in unmanageable debt, how rude!

In terms of what your DH could do OP, is there anything he could retrain in and still maintain his current job? Such as an online course/open university?

Plenty of people get student loans etc in order to retrain so maybe that's something you could look at? Or do an apprenticeship Monday to Friday and pick up some extra evening or weekend work to bring the pay up a bit?

But I think your DH should definitely change something if he's so miserable.

Skittlesss · 07/03/2019 16:11

This is a link to a “catalogue” of the courses funded by the loan.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/advanced-learner-loans-qualifications-catalogue

I got one to do a law course, which has been great, and I know someone who is doing accounting qualifications - which is why I mentioned it as they plan on making their own business eventually.

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