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I can't remember not feeling like this.

(4 Posts)
Howtostopalifetimeoflearntbeha Thu 07-Mar-19 12:47:08

God, I am not even sure what I want from this thread.... But I have spent my entire life with no self worth.
Every day since I can remember (around the age of 5/6) I have told myself "I can't do it" or "I don't know" which is pretty much my answer to everything.
I am unable to make decisions because I don't trust myself and I actually have no idea how to decide. I just don't know what to do because I don't want to get it wrong.

I can't stand trying and failing. I don't want to hurt people but I seem to because I am unable to decide anything.

I don't do much for me, I don't try new things and I can't even imagine what it's like to think "that looks fun, I'll give it a go"

I am a SAHM and I enjoy it but it drags me down sometimes. I know adult conversation is key to making me feel better but I don't always get out and about and make an effort.

I find it very hard to let people love me.
I think I am here writing this as I know my non acceptance of love is pushing my DH to distraction and I am failing my children.

I often feel like I am suffocating under the pressure. But then can feel better if I go out.

I am so worried about how I am treating my DH and children. I love them but I honestly can't understand why they would love me. I mean do my children really love me? I just...I just don't get it...

What do I do? Where do I go from here?
I love my children and I love DH so much. We have great fun and laughter when I feel OK but if I feel slightly below average (which feels very often) then it all goes to shit.

I just think DH and DCs deserve so much more.

Oh Fuck, sorry if this is long, sorry if it's nonsense. I don't know....

picklemepopcorn Thu 07-Mar-19 12:52:03

Have you had counselling or seen your GP?

Depending on your earliest experiences, it can be hard to trust people to love you.

picklemepopcorn Thu 07-Mar-19 12:53:44

I'm sorry to be short, I'm in a rush, but look up avoidant attachment. You may see something familiar. Please for the sake of your family, love yourself a little more! Self care etc. You can feel better!

MigGril Thu 07-Mar-19 13:00:10

That's a young age to think that from, where you shown affection as a child. Counciling sounds like a good idea.

My self confidence problems are often from not feeling confidence in myself. Looking at what you have achieved can help. Sounds like you have a lovely family and I'm sure you can find the strength to improve your own confidence.

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