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to be scared to call women's aid?

(9 Posts)
JammaJamma Thu 07-Mar-19 11:00:53

I recently left my emotionally abusive partner. I don't think he realises that emotional abuse was what he was inflicting on me. He thinks his behaviour is normal and that I am the one who has the problem, but in fact after a bit of research, EA is what it was.

He wants access to our child, which is fine, but he wants it on his terms. I'm scared to say no to him. Everyone in my life tells me I need to put my foot down and I am far too accommodating. Travelling to him, being kind when he's being rude to me, ignoring his aggression etc.

I need help breaking out of this cycle and being assertive, but I just don't know how. It seems mad. I'm not stupid, I have 2 postgraduate degrees, I work in law enforcement, I'm always described as a tough cookie, but when it comes to my ex I am an absolute mess. I'm so scared of him, even though he's never, ever hurt me.

I keep thinking about calling women's aid but I'm nervous to. I'm worried they will tell me I'm being silly or that I need to respond to his demands etc. I'm sure they won't but I'm so run down and beaten up over it.

Can anyone help me?

JammaJamma Thu 07-Mar-19 11:05:10

I have butterflies in my stomach all the time. The stress is making me sick. I'm ill all the time. I have chest pain. I'm tired, I'm nervous. I'm a complete mess...

JellyBaby666 Thu 07-Mar-19 11:08:06

Have a hand to hold. They're not going to tell you anything like what you're imagining, and will (I bloody hope) be kind and listen, and hopefully offer you some help.

Making the call isn't easy, but you can do it. And you can choose to just end the call if you decide you don't want to carry on speaking right now.

JammaJamma Thu 07-Mar-19 11:10:15

Why am I so scared of his reaction when he's never hurt me? 😥 I feel so sick all the time.

Whooomp Thu 07-Mar-19 11:14:34

I'm so scared of him, even though he's never, ever hurt me.

He has hurt you though, not physically but emotionally (which is incredibly damaging) and you need support for that. Please call them and get the support you deserve. flowers

TeaStory Thu 07-Mar-19 11:15:03

Why am I so scared of his reaction when he's never hurt me?

Because he has hurt you.

Women’s Aid won’t tell you that you are being silly or you have to do whatever he wants. That’s what he says, and you have believed it for so long and internalised it so much that you doubt yourself. That’s normal, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Please call.

JammaJamma Thu 07-Mar-19 13:14:39

I just phoned them and they said I was at the high end of medium risk. It's really hard to hear. I feel like I'm going to be at the end of his abuse forever.

TeaStory Fri 08-Mar-19 13:35:08

Have they been able to offer you any advice on getting out safely? You don’t have to live like this.

SuperLoudPoppingAction Fri 08-Mar-19 13:39:30

The more of your life you create for yourself that he can't touch, the further he will be from your mind.
It's hard but it does get better.

Well done for ringing women's aid.
That's huge.

Do you have a good solicitor? Mine is invaluable when it comes to helping me set boundaries.

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