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to worry about visiting potential new friend

(43 Posts)
Fishywife Wed 06-Mar-19 13:27:02

I do have mild social anxiety but this has been exacerbated by pregnancy hormones!

Pregnant with my first, have been invited round by a friend of a friend who has a 9 month old. I am very keen to make new 'mum' friends so excited to have been invited. I'm due there at 7:30 which she said it good as her son is usually asleep.

I'm overthinking things... should I bring something (flowers? wine is probably a no-go) should I phone her when I'm outside in case knocking the door wakes the baby... I have only met her briefly a couple of times and obviously don't know her very well, so am reluctant to text her!

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Wed 06-Mar-19 13:34:27

I wouldn't take flowers. That's more of a dating thing and a bit much if it's just a casual evening. Maybe some chocolate or ask if there's anything she wants you to bring? I wouldn't over think this.

ShabbyAbby Wed 06-Mar-19 13:36:05

I'd bring a bottle of wine or a nice bottle of pop (or both). Why not? Presumably you are both adults and she hasn't yet disclosed she's in AA (and if she does you just don't open the wine?)

Or maybe I've been making many faux pas
I've always been told not to come "with my arms swinging"

MatildaTheCat Wed 06-Mar-19 13:37:58

Tap quietly on the door and bring a packet of biscuits or a bunch of daffs.

Relax, chat. If you are axious think up a few topics first: how long have you lived here? (If possible admire the decor), what’s your line of work? How have you found mat leave, any tips for a new mum?

Enjoy.

Easterbunnyiscomingsoon Wed 06-Mar-19 13:38:19

Op of course you take cake. .. cake

chocolatebuttonsandcheese Wed 06-Mar-19 13:40:31

Take chocolate or cake... just tap quietly and if nobody comes then text to say your outside! You've got this OP xo

cranberrymoon Wed 06-Mar-19 13:43:42

I often take flowers round to friends houses. Dating thing?? Er no!!

Cocobean30 Wed 06-Mar-19 13:45:29

Please don’t worry, take something you enjoy like choccies or wine I’m sure she won’t be expecting anything tho! Just call when you’re outside

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Wed 06-Mar-19 13:50:52

The OP is pregnant that’s why she said not wine, not because she suspects the friend of being an alcoholic!

RoryLeighGilmore Wed 06-Mar-19 13:52:26

Cake or brownies!
I'd not ring the bell but wouldn't worry about a regular volume knock!
There should be no awkwardness as you'll have plenty to ask her about the first nine months of parenthood!

SuziQ10 Wed 06-Mar-19 13:55:34

Take some kettle chips and some chocolate (doesn't have to be fancy!)
Or nothing.
Don't over think it smile have a nice time.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 06-Mar-19 13:59:52

Cake ? at 7.30 ?

What is the occassion for going round ? meal ? drinks ?

Flowers &/or nice chocolates.

NunoGoncalves Wed 06-Mar-19 14:10:36

Cake > wine!

NunoGoncalves Wed 06-Mar-19 14:10:52

Cake ? at 7.30 ?

There's never a bad time for cake.

BestestBrownies Wed 06-Mar-19 14:11:56

LOL @ flowers being a dating thing!! In that case I must be dating my Gran, Mum, and most of my female friends. What a fucking ridiculous statement to make.

OP, I would absolutely take something in your shoes. Cake, flowers, chocolates, whatever. And yes to texting/calling when you're outside so as not to wake the baby.

Have a lovely time.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking Wed 06-Mar-19 14:13:11

Also often take flowers, although usually use those for daytime invites and wine for evening.

In the absence of wine, I'd take some nice chocolate.

Hope it goes well - agree think up some conversation starters before you go to help the anxiety.

Bookworm4 Wed 06-Mar-19 14:14:08

@nunogoncalves
Fully agree every time is cake time, I take cake who doesn't love cake?
Flowers are absolutely fine too.

Antonin Wed 06-Mar-19 14:15:06

Take some nice biscuits to have with your tea or coffee.
No need to go overboard for a casual meeting like this.
Once you get to know her you will have a better idea of what if anything to take in the future.
Just try to relax and be natural. Admire her baby’s photos and let her know how appreciative you are of her advice etc and you’ll get on fine

namechanger0110 Wed 06-Mar-19 14:16:56

I'd take a cheesecake! Enjoy yourself, I understand your anxiety ( I'm just the same!) I'm imagine she's a little nervous too!

thedisorganisedmum Wed 06-Mar-19 14:18:47

7:30 so that's either for quick "drinks" before diner or diner? (as you are pregnant)

if it's diner, you can ask what to bring.

in any case, cake and flowers are usually always welcome. You don't have to go for a full bunch of luxury red roses grin

thedisorganisedmum Wed 06-Mar-19 14:19:32

If you mean 7:30 am (why not...), then pastry!

PinkHeart5914 Wed 06-Mar-19 14:19:45

Flowers dating thing? Ummm no I buy flowers for friends and family often

I’d take flowers and maybe some nice chocolate as you could share them

GottenGottenGotten Wed 06-Mar-19 14:24:31

@PlainSpeakingStraightTalking What the hell is wrong with cake at 7.30?

What time do you think is acceptable for cake?

(correct answer for most people: any time)

BlueMerchant Wed 06-Mar-19 14:25:24

I'd take a box of cupcakes. It's a nice gesture and doesn't look OTT.
Whatever you do don't over think it. If you can just take the evening as it comes you are sure to have a great time.

Meralia Wed 06-Mar-19 14:27:17

I’m assuming it’s 7.30 pm, so after dinner. I’d take a box of chocs or some sparkling soft drink.

kayaholly Wed 06-Mar-19 14:33:06

Don't worry about knocking the door, if she has made an arrangement she will be expecting you to either knock, or she will be watching so you don't have to.

And buns/cake is never a bad thing to bring. cake

Enjoy smile

EarringsandLipstick Wed 06-Mar-19 14:38:11

It doesn't matter what you bring OP as long as you bring something - flowers, biscuits, cake, wine, buns, all good options.

The friend of a friend is obviously also keen on making new mum friends, I would say and will be delighted to chat you about having a baby, small baby issues and the like, so it's easy enough to get started on a chat.

You don't have to stay too long, you may hit it off and that's brilliant and you may find you are different types of people - that's fine too, you don't have to be best mates but it's nice to know there's someone in a similar small baby phase as you.

It'll be grand!

Fishywife Wed 06-Mar-19 14:46:25

Thanks for all the advice! I am definitely overthinking it!! She said come round for pizza, so I think chocolates or cake would work best. And yes, wine was about me being pregnant - not assuming she was an alcoholic! grin

OVAgroundWOMBlingfree Wed 06-Mar-19 14:49:54

Whack a Victoria sponge in the oven, you can’t go wrong.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Wed 06-Mar-19 15:02:05

Yep, cake definitely. Not wine.

Loseitandkeepitlost Wed 06-Mar-19 15:03:10

If you’re going for pizza then just take a dessert. Chocolate fudge cake & cream would be my suggestion!

Shocked that someone thinks there’s only certain times of day suitable for cake eating!

Loughers Wed 06-Mar-19 15:08:23

What's a new "mum friend" as opposed to a new "friend ?

EssentialHummus Wed 06-Mar-19 15:13:03

Dessert/chocs. Text/call instead of doorbell. And ask her for advice / experience of something pregnancy or baby related, she'll likely talk for England grin.

EssentialHummus Wed 06-Mar-19 15:14:24

(I was like you OP - DD is now 17 months and the other day I looked around my social circle and realised I'd seen everyone's nipples and knew sometimes literally the ins and outs of their relationships. Babies eh?)

Pinkbells Wed 06-Mar-19 15:26:06

She's probably very happy to be entertaining a new friend, it does get a bit lonely being a SAHM sometimes! Just take some nice little cupcakes or posh biscuits. Flowers I sometimes take if my friends have had a shitty time or whatever, but otherwise sweet treats are the thing!

howmanyusernames Wed 06-Mar-19 15:37:47

Take a nice cake you can both have a piece of. Then she can keep the rest to have the next day!

My friends bring me flowers all the time if they come round for a meal or BBQ, so that's also fine.

She might not be drinking (and may not ever have drank), or might not like the wine you bring, so safer to not maybe take that.

dontgobaconmyheart Wed 06-Mar-19 15:39:47

Good for you OP, social anxiety is such a challenge. Try not to overthink what you take, given it's for pizza I'd just go with the majority here and take snacks or dessert- cheesecake or cupcakes. I think what's key is remembering that if the roles were reversed, whatever she brought would just not be that interesting to you, you'd not be judging it, and would presumably be grateful, invite them in and get on with the evening.

As an aside the flowers=dating is surely untrue confused I give, and receive them from female friends most times they come over, where we see each other infrequently, and quite often in general, it's just a nice gesture that a lot of people enjoy.

Fishywife Wed 06-Mar-19 16:38:52

What's a new "mum friend" as opposed to a new "friend ?

At risk of sounding facetious, a friend who is a mum. I'm the first in my friendship group to get pregnant so I would like to expand my social circle to include people with children for mutual support and advice. I would like these to be people to also be my friends. I think that is quite normal. I did just put friend in the post title, I was just explaining/justifying why I am planning to visit a relative stranger in her home when I suffer from social anxiety!

ShartGoblin Wed 06-Mar-19 16:47:19

There's never a bad time for cake.

This is a truth universally acknowledged.

LordVoldetort Wed 06-Mar-19 16:52:27

Don’t over think it.
Pizza followed by brownies and ice cream is a winner.
I would avoid flowers purely because of potential allergies/animals (some flowers - like lilies) are extremely toxic to animals so unless you know either of these things I would avoid. I don’t think it’s seen as a dating thing (certainly isn’t with my family & friends)

JuniperGins Wed 06-Mar-19 17:10:01

Cake is a universal winner

ShabbyAbby Wed 06-Mar-19 17:37:08

Sorry misread the OP! blush

Yes, cake, all the cake (& a voucher code if your ordering pizza! They're always handy)

BlueMerchant Thu 07-Mar-19 13:27:43

How was the evening?

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