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DH and priorities...

(49 Posts)
MAFSShocker Wed 06-Mar-19 08:47:01

DH wfh with a Flexi diary - can go to gym etc
Tomorrow we have an IVF appointment, it's been in his calendar for weeks. Get in from work and was met with assuming your just making your own way to appointment tomorrow. No, I want you to be there like we discussed. Was my response.
Him, ok it's just an hour out of my day there and back just for the appointment, I don't really have time as have to pick DSS up for sport in the arvo. (Which is an hour round trip) Will really cut my day short....
If he doesn't take me, it means 2 cabs and a bus for me to get to the clinic and then back to work.
More importantly- I'd like him there for the emotional support, it's us both doing it not just me.
Appreciate I might BU and over reacting due to hormones. But surely if you've time to take DSS to sport practice - not an event or match.
You can make the time to take me to our IVF appointment?!?!

PandaSky Wed 06-Mar-19 21:45:28

EPU - egg pick up. Never heard it called that before!

Waterdropsdown Wed 06-Mar-19 21:52:42

EPU grin
Totally missed the point of the thread but that acronym is hilarious! Has it just been invented! Sounds like you are off to a farm to collect some eggs!

LL83 Wed 06-Mar-19 21:53:38


Work would be a reason to go alone but he has time off. Dss would be a reason not to go but he can manage both.

He cant take the one car and expect you to do so much public transport so he can have "me time!"

If it was a haircut I would expect a lift in these circumstances and your appointment is clearly much more important even in a basic practical sense nevermind the emotional side!

MAFSShocker Wed 06-Mar-19 22:06:15

He needs to be there to do consent forms, they need to be witnessed or he needs to go to a JP.
Agree it's funny term EPU ..... if only it was as simple as a trip to the farm

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 06-Mar-19 22:38:38

Sorry to hear your cycle failed.

You know the deal with your husband, this seems to another conflict between ivf and his son and I worry for you it’s always going to be this way and you’re always going to feel you’re not getting the support from him that you need.

Nothinglefttochoose Thu 07-Mar-19 08:12:42

But you already have children. A DSS. Or does he not count in your “when we have children” spiel??

Nothinglefttochoose Thu 07-Mar-19 08:14:18

Egg collection is the standard term. They put a needle up your vagina, through your cervix and the pierce your ovaries to suck the eggs out. Real fun.

MAFSShocker Thu 07-Mar-19 08:16:50

@Nothinglefttochoose yup and don't believe my DSS's needs should alway be before mine. Sometimes yes, but not always. And yes same view when we have children. Sometimes yes, but not always.

MAFSShocker Thu 07-Mar-19 08:18:06

@Nothinglefttochoose EPU is standard used here.

ElloBrian Thu 07-Mar-19 08:22:57

Bit unclear on the timings. Could you elaborate? From what you’ve said, it sounds as though both events are on at the same time and so your DP wants to drive your DSS to a sports thing which is local enough for him to walk to? Does he walk to it often? Is he used to going to it on his own? How old is he?

JetGrind Thu 07-Mar-19 08:29:46

OP, I think you're getting some weird responses as a lot of people on MN just don't understand IVF.

But, if it's egg collection day, surely he has to be there to provide a sample? And surely you'll need some help after the anaesthetic - I had a local for one round and a general for another, and I'm got instructions that we'd need the rest of the day to recover.

outpinked Thu 07-Mar-19 08:30:30

I do think children come first personally but here it sounds as though he could do both and just isn’t because he can’t be arsed with the extra driving. Doesn’t sound overly supportive.

MAFSShocker Thu 07-Mar-19 08:35:46

So to be clear. Our appointment was in the morning, early 8am. He was required to be there to sign consent form, as he hadn't bothered to find a JP to witness.
DSS sport is in the afternoon, after school.
He can easily attend both.
But he didn't want to be inconvenienced by attending both, as it would cut short his working day. He'd prefer me to be inconvenienced by leaving for work early, getting public transport into the CBD and then cab to and from the clinic or walk/bus etc.

Holidayshopping Thu 07-Mar-19 08:40:37

Have you posted about this before-it sounds really familiar?

Has he got loads to do tomorrow and can just about swing an hour out but not two?

Just giving him the benefit of the doubt!

MAFSShocker Thu 07-Mar-19 08:40:36

@outpinked question for you, you need to take your DH into hospital for an intimate appointment, he doesn't want your DC there due to intimate nature of appointment or the questions you will be asked when taking a history. It would be helpful to your DH and the medical team if you were there.
You arrange for DC to be with their grandparents. DC doesn't want that, they get upset. Would you put their needs first in that scenario?

Notthatsimple Thu 07-Mar-19 08:48:10

I’m open mouthed on your behalf, OP.

Petalflowers Thu 07-Mar-19 08:52:22

Can someone else pick ds up, or can ds miss one weeks sports session? Can ds get home using a bus or walk?

ElloBrian Thu 07-Mar-19 08:53:02

Well, in that case I think I would tell him that I was seriously reassessing my willingness to have a child with someone for whom I, and the prospect of having a child, was clearly not a priority. Bad sign for how things will be if you do have a baby, I’m afraid.

mrsk28 Thu 07-Mar-19 08:55:54


DH should have gone to the appointment with you because it didn't conflict with DSS's sport training in the afternoon. If grandparents were happy to look after him then that's where he should have gone, happy or not.

IVF is something you both signed up to so he should be as involved as he can be.

And if he really couldn't go then he should have given you the car to go by yourself and walked DSS to sports in the afternoon.

PandaSky Thu 07-Mar-19 09:08:56

*as he hadn't bothered to find a JP to witness.

getting public transport into the CBD*

What is JP and CBD? You're using a lot of unfamiliar acronyms and it's hard to understand your posts

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Thu 07-Mar-19 09:13:24

Are you in Australia or the US?

JP - justice of the peace?
CBD - central business district?

MAFSShocker Thu 07-Mar-19 09:28:24

Justice of the peace
And city centre yes

onalongsabbatical Thu 07-Mar-19 10:27:41

So he already has a child. Are you sure he really actively wants another one or is he doing it for you? Which means he'll be less motivated to engage with all of this extra and stressful stuff? Have you persuaded him?

KatnissMellark Thu 07-Mar-19 11:15:53

If he needs to be there to sign consent forms he has to go, otherwise the procedure won't be going ahead. Is it EPU or EPU prep? You said prep before but some people think you're actually having the procedure confused

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