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To expect DS17 to spend whole of holiday with us?

(85 Posts)
tumpymummy Wed 06-Mar-19 00:37:03

Had a may half term holiday to Spain all booked (since last Sep), fly out Fri eve, spend w/e with friends, hire car drive to different part of coast, fly home at end of week. However lovely Ryan air have changed our Fri eve flight to a Fri morning which means kids will miss last day of term now. Ds17 doesn't want to miss a day of school (hardworking year 12, expected A* at A level) so he wants to now fly out on his own on the Tues to join us at the second destination. Plus this means he can also go to a small festival at home on the weekend now. Doesn't look like this will cost any extra, but hubby and DD14 are disappointed that he wouldn't be with us for first part of holiday. I'm not sure how comfortable I am at leaving him home alone for a few days, going to a festival, then flying alone. He is a sensible kid, and has stayed home a couple of nights on his own before but this time we would be out of the country (grandparents do live only an hr away). Really torn about whether to Rebook his flights for later? Part of me realises he is growing up and wants to do his own thing, but on the other hand I really value our family holidays when we actually get to do things and spend time together. DS and DD have always got on well together so she will miss him for the time he isn't there. Would welcome others opinions pls?

OrchidInTheSun Wed 06-Mar-19 12:50:52

With respect Tapas, we're not talking about your child. We're talking about the OP's who is perfectly happy to join his family after the weekend.

recklessgran Wed 06-Mar-19 12:51:44

Definitely let him grow up OP. You've said yourself he's a sensible 17 so for goodness sake let him do his thing! If it helps, at 17 I went on holiday to Spain with three girlfriends for a week and no "adult" in sight.

TapasForTwo Wed 06-Mar-19 12:57:42

With respect Orchid, you leaving home at 17 and moving to another country was irrelevant to the OP's question. We weren't talking about you either grin

I agreed that it would be fine for the 17 year old to join his parents later.

Smotheroffive Wed 06-Mar-19 15:13:16

@waterrat as you can read in the OP, it isn't simply a matter of.going off to a festival. Leaving an empty home, and weighing up his ability to responsibly manage his alcohol levels around peers that he can't control, and more... It's not as simple.ple as DPs being home and him heading to a.festival... which actually is a big step in itself, I've seen and heard all the car crashes that are festivals done badly, by organisers and festival goers. The hospital admissions and worse. It's not a blithely made decision as a responsible dp.

Smotheroffive Wed 06-Mar-19 15:17:00

Can PPs not see that each 17 yo is so different in terms of.maturity attitudes and behaviours.
It entirely irrelevant who went on holiday, its about the considerations, and doing it well so everyone can enjoy their activities.

OrchidInTheSun Wed 06-Mar-19 17:51:17

Good point tapas grin

LightDrizzle Wed 06-Mar-19 19:41:22

I understand your concern about the festival, but as for your disappointment that he doesn’t want to spend the whole holiday with you, I’d be very careful to keep that to yourselves and not let him see it.
I think the harder you pull, the harder they pull. It’s really frustrating to spend time with parents/ nanna/ MIL and instead of them just enjoying the time and being in the moment, there is the cloud of recent or imminent guilt tripping because you’re not there more, or on the dog's birthday or whatever.
You want him to choose to spend time you because he enjoys your company. At 17, parents take a back step to peers, but if you give them freedom and respect their increasing autonomy, they stay close.
My relationship with my adult daughter, now 27, is one of the unexpected joys of my life.

MsTSwift Wed 06-Mar-19 19:50:41

Wise words light.

ssd Wed 06-Mar-19 19:53:39

He sounds a nice sensible lad, I'd let him go

tumpymummy Wed 06-Mar-19 23:37:22

Thanks all for your replies. I have booked the later Tuesday flight for DS. Revising isn't an issue for this holiday as both kids have their exams after Easter. Lots of you have given good advice about setting boundaries, managing the festival - Thank you. Grandparents will be on hand (Just in case) No parties will be allowed. Thank you to the PP who mentioned making sure he realises he can ask for help if something goes wrong. I will also ctc one of his friends mum's to let her know the situation. Locking up the house correctly isn't a massive issue thankfully as a neighbour will need to come in and feed the cats once he has left. Of course DD14 then asked if she could go to the festival too and fly out later with him. That was a No! (Which she understood why!) Thanks all for helping me make my decision.

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