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To expect DS17 to spend whole of holiday with us?

(85 Posts)
tumpymummy Wed 06-Mar-19 00:37:03

Had a may half term holiday to Spain all booked (since last Sep), fly out Fri eve, spend w/e with friends, hire car drive to different part of coast, fly home at end of week. However lovely Ryan air have changed our Fri eve flight to a Fri morning which means kids will miss last day of term now. Ds17 doesn't want to miss a day of school (hardworking year 12, expected A* at A level) so he wants to now fly out on his own on the Tues to join us at the second destination. Plus this means he can also go to a small festival at home on the weekend now. Doesn't look like this will cost any extra, but hubby and DD14 are disappointed that he wouldn't be with us for first part of holiday. I'm not sure how comfortable I am at leaving him home alone for a few days, going to a festival, then flying alone. He is a sensible kid, and has stayed home a couple of nights on his own before but this time we would be out of the country (grandparents do live only an hr away). Really torn about whether to Rebook his flights for later? Part of me realises he is growing up and wants to do his own thing, but on the other hand I really value our family holidays when we actually get to do things and spend time together. DS and DD have always got on well together so she will miss him for the time he isn't there. Would welcome others opinions pls?

CrispbuttyNo1 Wed 06-Mar-19 00:38:34

At 17 and by the sounds of it a sensible lad I would absolutely let him decide what he wants to do.

DramaAlpaca Wed 06-Mar-19 00:40:36

I'd let him. Slightly different but I allowed my DS to fly home early from a family holiday at the same age because he had something on that he was desperate to get back for. All was fine.

AornisHades Wed 06-Mar-19 00:41:01

Why not? Better to have him there for half the time fully engaged and happy than all the time resentful and miserable.

IAmNotAWitch Wed 06-Mar-19 00:41:46

I think that sounds like an excellent plan for the changed circumstances.

Why should what DH and DD want trump what DS wants if it is no extra money or effort?

HeddaGarbled Wed 06-Mar-19 00:44:04

Yes, definitely compromise time. I suspect the festival with his friends is bigger than small for him.

Lovingbenidorm Wed 06-Mar-19 00:44:14

I applaud DS for not wanting to miss a day of school.
I HATE people taking kids on holiday during term time..
At 17 he sounds able to handle it, as you say grandparents 1hr away if emergency.
I’d let him

IncrediblySadToo Wed 06-Mar-19 01:18:23

Be grateful he’s going at all. He’s 17 and it’s his half term break, DH & DD might be upset, but that’s their issue to deal with. If you insist on him doing xyz he’ll soon resent it & stop wanting to go att all..

SurgeHopper Wed 06-Mar-19 01:21:42

Sounds acceptable.

MrsTerryPratcett Wed 06-Mar-19 01:58:46

It's a good compromise.

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 06-Mar-19 02:03:00

He’ll be at uni soon by the sounds of his grades, he’ll then be a lot and you will worry non stop! Give him and you these few days to get used to it, if you say no it won’t be a great holiday atmosphere, if you say yes he’ll appreciate your trust and you’ll have a better time for the rest of the week

Topseyt Wed 06-Mar-19 02:12:03

Lovingbenidorm, they didn't book a term time holiday. The airline changed the flights from late evening ones which would not have impacted on school to earlier in the day ones if you read the OP.

OP, I would let him do this probably. He will soon be away at uni and you and your DDs will have to accept then that he will often be doing his own thing by then.

He is still intending to spend a fair bit of your holiday with you.

ConstanzaAndSalieri Wed 06-Mar-19 02:16:32

Given the stacks of homework he’s likely to have too it gives him some space for that. At 17 this might be your last family holiday anyway...

Lovingbenidorm Wed 06-Mar-19 02:16:54

Tops yes I did read op, and realise it wasn’t their fault.
My point was that I don’t approve of term time holidays

SugarfreeMe Wed 06-Mar-19 04:17:32

It sounds like your son is sensible & capable, if it's not going to cost you & the logistics of getting him too & from the airport aren't too bad then I'd definitely let him make his own choice.
It's a safer way of allowing him to have experience of independent travelling,
Have a wonderful holiday

Smotheroffive Wed 06-Mar-19 04:29:32

I would be anxious about an empty house, 17 y o home alone/festival, and possibility for house impromptu house party, etc.

Even sensible DC need to kick back, so make your expectations clear. Having responsiblility for keeping empty house secure etc.

I thought you were going to say he didn't want to join the holiday, but its all good, he wants to! Good for DD to have time with you both without him around too. Happy holiday smile

kateandme Wed 06-Mar-19 05:23:02

yes.but make sure he knows he can contact you for whatever reason if anything happens.no shame or guilt.
make home ground rules.my db did similar and this much wanted for festival turned out to be a drugs rave for all his mates becasu there designated camp was in the middle of the horrible part of the camps. and he got freaked out.he was scared and also suddenly felt he couldn't ge tin touch because it was something hed made such a big deal of going to.

kateandme Wed 06-Mar-19 05:24:21

also,you sound really sensible and same for your lad but....last day of term.empthy house.boys and peer pressure.be careful!

Nothinglefttochoose Wed 06-Mar-19 06:04:18

Let go of the reins mum!!

Mmmmbrekkie Wed 06-Mar-19 06:06:33

I’d let him
Perfect age and opportunity to show him you trust him and respect his hard work and commitment to school

SinglePringle Wed 06-Mar-19 06:10:08

Blimey, at 17 I’d stopped going on family holidays! And I was certainly left on my own with no disasters.

Time to cut him some serious slack.

BridlingtonSand Wed 06-Mar-19 06:13:03

I’d have to leave very clear instructions for leaving the house last- curtains, stopcock, fridge etc.

DameXanaduBramble Wed 06-Mar-19 06:36:28

Yep, time to let go.

Ragwort Wed 06-Mar-19 06:45:32

Totally reasonable & commendable that he is putting his education first.

I gave up going on family holidays at 13, although I appreciate it is more of a trend these days for teenagers to go on family holidays. (Presumably because the oarents are paying grin).

BigBairyHollocks Wed 06-Mar-19 06:46:40

Yeh you should let him stay home.I dread the day my oldest does it,but they have to start things like this,grow up and move on.it might be nice having some one on one time with your DD too.

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