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To end this friendship?

(21 Posts)
loonein Tue 05-Mar-19 21:17:28

Been friends over 17 years now.
Since she started seeing a man a few years ago she's never been the same.
She lives a 10 min drive away and I never see her.
She has 4 days off a week but makes zero effort to even meet for a hour.
She rarely texts now if I don't text first.
I've suggested meeting up but it never happens.
Haven't seen her for 3 months now when we exchanged gifts.
It just seems pointless now.

DaisyChainsForever Tue 05-Mar-19 21:25:55

It sounds like you are already drifting apart. Does she make any effort to contact you?

Smelborp Tue 05-Mar-19 21:27:22

I would not contact her and see if she contacts you.

PuzzlingPuzzle Tue 05-Mar-19 21:28:07

Sounds like the friendship has already ended. But yes I agree there’s not much point continuing to try to make an effort when it’s so one sided.

iago Tue 05-Mar-19 21:28:21

Well, no. I think that was the point of the post!

iago Tue 05-Mar-19 21:29:33

Sorry, that was to the second poster.

loonein Tue 05-Mar-19 22:03:35

Very rarely she will ring but once in a blue moon.
There's nothing stopping her meeting up but she chooses not too.

Cobblersandhogwash Tue 05-Mar-19 22:22:46

Her new man seems okay? Not isolating her?

officeworker36 Tue 05-Mar-19 22:33:09

I feel for you here. 17 years is a long time to be friends but it depends on what your friendship was like before. Did you do a lot together?

If she's in a new relationship and she really likes the guy it's only natural for her to want to spend a lot of time with him.

loonein Tue 05-Mar-19 22:37:10

She's been with him 5 years now but he is very manipulative..unfortunately she can't see that.

cheaperthebetter Tue 05-Mar-19 22:56:38

Maybe she is in a controlling relationship?...🤷🏻‍♀️..Cause that is what happened to me, he eventually got rid of everyone in my life and I was powerless (so I thought?)
Just a suggestion that's all

whywhywhy6 Wed 06-Mar-19 02:40:44

Just sit and wait for her to contact you, if she ever does. No need for a declaration of the end of the friendship.

Poppins2016 Wed 06-Mar-19 02:45:45

She's been with him 5 years now but he is very manipulative..unfortunately she can't see that.

^That'll probably be why she's not the same. It's not her, it's him.

I'd keep trying occasionally and be there when (inevitably, at some point) she needs you.

YingYang79 Wed 06-Mar-19 03:33:36

17 years! There must be a reason why this friendship lasted this long. Perhaps as some others mentioned, it’s the husband who’s isolating her. Perhaps she feels like you don’t approve of/ like the husband? Is that a possibility?
Try and keep in touch when you can. And perhaps have a conversation about why she’s not putting any effort in to this friendship now?

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 06-Mar-19 03:44:44

This I could be many things
1) he’s abusive and controlling
2) she doesn’t want to see you
3) she finds you controlling
4) she’s moved on and started a new life
5) she’s happy
6) despite her being happy you continue to find reasons for it to be wrong

Move on OP, this isn’t friendship anymore when it’s one side

loonein Wed 06-Mar-19 12:57:58

I do feel like he controls her in a way I guess.
She has to drive him to and from work then sometimes he takes the car and she can't get out but nothing stopping her meeting for a coffee.

LordNibbler Wed 06-Mar-19 13:01:25

The friendship is over for her. She just hasn't had the guts to tell you.

loonein Wed 06-Mar-19 13:13:25

What do you think I did wrong ?

capaciousbladder Wed 06-Mar-19 13:34:28

If he's manipulative, I think what a good friend would do is to keep the communication channels open. Try not to be offended that she doesn't make the effort and take responsibility for keeping in touch. Even if it's just text messages. She might really appreciate knowing she's in your thoughts even if not actively a part in your life

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Wed 06-Mar-19 13:44:22

I don't think you've done anything wrong. Friendships can and do fizzle out when life takes them in different directions and priorities change. It's not always anyone's fault.
You've made the effort with her and if it's not being reciprocated, it's time to let it drop. Focus on yourself and making other friendships.
If she's being controlled there's only so much she can do. If you have been supportive, the rest is up to her to work things out.

hazell42 Wed 06-Mar-19 15:08:42

My friend did this when she got a new man. After a while, I stopped messaging her and waited for her to come to me. Which she did, eventually.
Can you accept that for a while she has other priorities? You are not obliged to, but if the friendship is worth saving, maybe give her some space. My friend is now back to her pre boyfriend self.

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