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Husband offended

(66 Posts)
pancakes22 Tue 05-Mar-19 21:16:44

Husband singing three blind mice earlier to DD. I got the giggles as he got the tune wrong. He then refused to sing anymore to her. When I said to him that he overreacted he has said that he is really offended that I would laugh at him rather than with him and that he is really paranoid now and won't ever sing a tune he doesn't know.

I mean... come on. Seriously? AIBU that this is really petty? Or actually have I been a bit cruel and you think this is a genuine reason to be offended?

Rottencooking Tue 05-Mar-19 21:18:16

I'm clutching at straws I know, but did you misspell oversensitive toddler when you wrote "husband"?

Looneytune253 Tue 05-Mar-19 21:19:41

I prob wouldn’t with my dh but I would be mortified if this happened to me from someone else. Literally and prob wouldn’t sing in their presence for quite some time. I also might be a bit grumpy and stubborn out of embarrassment

strawberryredhead Tue 05-Mar-19 21:20:33

No you haven’t been cruel!
But you’ve touched a nerve - he’s obviously very sensitive about his singing ability bless him

Rezie Tue 05-Mar-19 21:23:40

I think you just really hit a nerve. Yea he overreacted, but you were not being nice. Rhythm and anything relating to that is something I really struggle so anyone making fun of it "light heartedly" would have an effect and I wouldn't do it in front of them anymore. In some other aspects that I'm confident in, it wouldn't be a problem.

M4J4 Tue 05-Mar-19 21:28:26

I have an awful singing voice, but I still belt out my ballads and DH gleefully tells me I have a glass shattering voice.

Your DH is being silly.

I bet he has no qualms about ribbing you about thing s you don't do well?

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 21:35:25

Laughing at someone is not kind. Laughing at someone singing to their child is very not kind.

BeanTownNancy Tue 05-Mar-19 21:41:54

Sometimes laughter is involuntary, so you're not BU in that case. He's being a bit precious; I understand being annoyed, but saying he'll never sing again is a bit much.

On a side note, my MIL constantly sings the wrong words to my 2yo. Makes me cringe - I feel like it would be rude or mean to correct her, but I don't really want my toddler learning the wrong words either. Quandary.

Knittedfairies Tue 05-Mar-19 21:47:02

Maybe he didn't get it wrong; his was a cover version.

pancakes22 Tue 05-Mar-19 21:47:01

Hmm really interesting to hear the responses thank you. I honestly meant it with no harm as just a chuckle but it's interesting to hear that others would be offended too so perhaps he isn't being as silly as I thought he was being. Thank you for the different perspectives.

Singlenotsingle Tue 05-Mar-19 21:52:34

Some people will look for anything to be offended by! Ffs! hmm

adaline Tue 05-Mar-19 21:52:46

If I was singing along to my child and someone said I sounded awful or was getting it wrong, I'd probably be quite embarrassed/upset too. It might not be rational but it's not nice to be made to feel silly.

AliceAforethought Tue 05-Mar-19 21:52:58

Laughing at someone is not kind. Laughing at someone singing to their child is very not kind

You ought to hear my husband sing. He knows fully well that as soon as he even attempts to sing I’m going to be creased up. He’s even worse than Pierce Brosnan. I’ve even had to struggle to hide my mirth at a funeral when he was singing next to me. He has attempted to sing to each of our children. When I laugh at him, he (and the relevant child)will laugh too. Because he’s not an oversensitive snowflake.

It’s hardly the same as laughing at someone’s misfortune or something.

adaline Tue 05-Mar-19 21:56:18

Some people will look for anything to be offended by! Ffs!

Or maybe he was having a nice moment with his daughter and was embarrassed to be told he sounded awful/was getting it wrong? Why the need to mention it at all? He was having fun, the daughter was presumably happy - so why not just let him be?

ZippyBungleandGeorge Tue 05-Mar-19 21:57:26

DH has no sense of rhythm, timing, or what a musical note even is, he relentlessly makes up his own terrible songs about random things and sings them in his tuneless way to DS, who laughs, a lot - as do I. He seems a bit overly sensitive OP.

PotatoesDieInHotCars Tue 05-Mar-19 21:57:44

My mother did that to me! Laughed at my singing. Then she made me feel stupid for feeling humiliated. I've never sung in front of anyone since. Not even Happy Birthday.

Might seem petty to you, but it's obviously a big deal to him. Would be kind to acknowledge that.

Quartz2208 Tue 05-Mar-19 21:59:38

I have an issue with pronouncing the g and sometimes sw or sc words and know I can get loud. dH knows I am sensitive about these but occasionally laughs about it and I get upset

cstaff Tue 05-Mar-19 22:02:44

If you can't slag your partner off in a good natured way and have a laugh with them who the fuck can you do it with. He is being way over sensitive or he fancies himself as a good singer. Ffs

Iamdanish Tue 05-Mar-19 22:06:27

I will try to put this the nicest possible way.
Don't laugh at people who are singing.
A lot especially men are very conscious and shy about it.
No matter how it sounds it should be something you can do without being laughed at because it is ultimately an expression of joy.
Please apologize to your dh straight away. My dad stopped singing to us children because my dm laughed at him, and he was always told that he couldn't. And no it didn't sound great, but who cares 😀.

toddman70 Tue 05-Mar-19 22:08:22

What may seem petty to you may not be to someone else and vice versa.

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 22:08:40

Maybe you shouldn't have laughed at him but his reaction is ridiculously over the top. What a drama queen.

greendale17 Tue 05-Mar-19 22:13:34

*Or maybe he was having a nice moment with his daughter and was embarrassed to be told he sounded awful/was getting it wrong? Why the need to mention it at all? He was having fun, the daughter was presumably happy - so why not just let him be?*

^I agree

Justmuddlingalong Tue 05-Mar-19 22:14:57

You're reaction made him feel self conscious. So he's reluctant to sing to her again. If that happens your DD will miss out on something that should be really natural and innocent. You also showed your DD that taking the piss is an acceptable thing to do. It's not. It's mean.

PotatoesDieInHotCars Tue 05-Mar-19 22:15:37

Would you laugh at someone for getting their words muddled up when speaking? Or for stuttering? I hope not. OP wasn't laughing along with him in "good nature", she was laughing AT him for making mistakes.

Enko Tue 05-Mar-19 22:16:05

It really doesn't matter if he was sensitive about it. This is meant to be someone you love and you hurt his feelings. Why not simply say " Im sorry I didnt meant to do that?"

& then not do it again.

Belenus Tue 05-Mar-19 22:16:57

It sounds like you touched a nerve. People can be fine with a certain amount of criticism but not when you laugh at other things. As a child I was often told I couldn't sing and was mocked for it. Now I do sing in public but I didn't for over 30 years. So yes, I can be a bit touchy about criticism. Likewise with playing musical instruments in public - I can't play in public because of some ridiculous spat with my mother 35 years ago. Part of me knows full well I'm being ridiculous but part of me just has a real block about it.

If he's not generally like this I would allow him this one thing to be touchy about.

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 22:17:47

If he never sings to his daughter again that's his decision alone.

Mmmhmmm Tue 05-Mar-19 22:17:54

My husband and I sing the wrong words and out of tune on purpose...so I don't see what the big deal is. I try to hit high notes badly and shrilly until he says "Dear lord." In a really British way. 😉

marvellousnightforamooncup Tue 05-Mar-19 22:19:50

What kind of world are we living in if we can't take the piss out of our husbands anymore?

Passing4Human Tue 05-Mar-19 22:20:40

He said you laughed "at him rather than with him" and there's definitely a difference. He knows you and we don't so if he normally doesn't get offended easily by stuff then maybe he has a point. You made him feel self-conscious is all. A lot of folk are self-conscious about singing. I have a terrible singing voice but do my best with my DD. I'm a mimer when it comes to singing anywhere else.

PerfectionistProcrastinator Tue 05-Mar-19 22:24:19

My partner and I usually have zero embarrassment about anything when around each other...but I never sing in front of anyone, him included.

I don’t have a terrible singing voice, in fact I think I can hold a tune pretty well in comparison to most. But I feel so self conscious when I sing.

I probably wouldn’t have the same reaction, but I might be just as embarrassed inwardly.

GnomeDePlume Tue 05-Mar-19 22:24:50

Laughing at your DH was not a great way to start teaching kindness to your DD

junebirthdaygirl Tue 05-Mar-19 22:28:18

I'm not a great singer and my dh is. I love to sing. I would be upset if he laughed at me. Its tough going through school being a poor singer and someone may have laughed at him along the way. I feel sorry for him. I presume he doesn't laugh at your sensitive weaknesses. Apologise and let him enjoy his fun time with dd.

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 22:30:48

It took me years to get over hearing a friend of my older brother saying to him “Can’t you do something about your sister’s voice?” 30 years to be precise.
Be kind.

adaline Tue 05-Mar-19 22:31:09

But @marvellousnightforamooncup it only works if both parties find it funny. Nothing wrong with taking the piss (jokingly) out of a loved one but everyone has things they're sensitive about.

Being someone's husband/wife doesn't mean you can take the piss out of them all the time with no consequences.

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 22:34:58

Nothing wrong with taking the piss (jokingly) out of a loved one but everyone has things they're sensitive about.

Well if the OP wasn't already aware of her husband's super sensitivity she sure is now!

WisdomOfCrowds Tue 05-Mar-19 22:39:42

Send him this?

(seriously though...)

Nanny0gg Tue 05-Mar-19 22:44:38

You're always a 'snowflake' or a 'drama queen' or 'over-sensitive' when you object when someone hurts your feelings or doesn't find having the piss taken out of them funny.

Says more about the other person imo.

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 22:46:11

If another child did this to your child at school, it would be bullying.

GummyGoddess Tue 05-Mar-19 22:46:46

If it was me I would just sing it wrong even louder. Especially if I had got the words amusingly wrong. I might be upset if I was told to shut up because I sound awful but it doesn't sound like you did that.

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 22:52:04

You're a drama queen when your reaction is far more dramatic than the situation warrants.

miaCara Tue 05-Mar-19 22:53:12

Aww I feel a bit sad at the thought of a loving Daddy being laughed at while hes connecting with his little child.
I know hes probably being a bit dramatic but sometimes its the small things that wound you. A friend who was about size 4-6 refused to have her legs uncovered -always wore sturdy trousers. The reason? Because someone she respected once remarked on her 'footballers legs'. A lifetime of no nice dresses or skirts because of a throwaway remark.

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 22:55:14

“You're a drama queen when your reaction is far more dramatic than the situation warrants.“
People are allowed to be sensitive about stuff. The proper response is “i’m sorry, love- I didn’t mean to upset you”. Because that’s what kind people do.

Bluestitch Tue 05-Mar-19 22:57:15

My partner gets very self conscious when doing anything 'performy' with the kids like reading aloud or singing. He does it because he wants to do things like that for them but it doesn't come easily to him and he'd be really upset if I mocked him.

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 22:58:05

Because that’s what kind people do.

people in glass houses...

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 23:00:41

I missed the bit where the OP’s dp layghed at her about something she was sensitive about....

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 23:02:17

I wasn't referring to the OP.

HappyLife21 Tue 05-Mar-19 23:03:07

I am a super confident person in most things, but there something about singing... lovely to do with my DD but would feel mortified and ashamed if someone laughed at me.

Lockheart Tue 05-Mar-19 23:03:09

I'm very self-conscious about singing or reading aloud, lots of things like that. If my partner laughed at me whilst I was doing it I'd be upset and certainly wouldn't do it within earshot of them again, if at all! Perhaps he's the same?

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 23:05:37

“I wasn't referring to the OP.”

grin . If you think I was being unkind you must be the most hypersensitive person alive!

Niveous Tue 05-Mar-19 23:10:40

I wasn't thinking of this thread specifically, just your posting style in general.

BertrandRussell Tue 05-Mar-19 23:14:36

“wasn't thinking of this thread specifically, just your posting style in general“

Ah. Well, you c&p a post where I have been unkind, and then we’ll talk.

HomeMadeMadness Tue 05-Mar-19 23:31:12

Well unless he's generally really over sensitive then either you touched a nerve about his bad singing voice or you were laughing in an unpleasant way rather than a loving, joking way. Unless he's always super sensitive and assuming this is someone you actually love surely you just apologise?

Rtmhwales Tue 05-Mar-19 23:41:43

I'm mostly amazed the the OP asked if she was being unreasonable, some said yes, so she said oops can see your point.

I'm so used to these threads where the OP immediately becomes defensive and tells everyone they're wrong (complete with some ridiculously long drip feed). Well done OP. Giggling or not you're a good, mature person wink

whywhywhy6 Wed 06-Mar-19 02:25:43

YWBU. I am hard to offend and I would be offended at that too, TBH.

Justagirlwholovesaboy Wed 06-Mar-19 02:39:34

I think from the mixed response this really does depend on your relationship with DH. In mine we always joke about and take the p*ss out of everything, nothing is serious though. Is this normal for you OP or did it come across as serious and belittling? Only you know your own relationship, and only he knows why it hurt. I would sit down and apologise and explain it was just in jest and find the reason it hurt him

Seren85 Wed 06-Mar-19 02:49:35

I know it isn't the same but my sister often sings and does all the actions with my niece. She can't sing for toffee but who cares, her child loves it. She once handed her to me and said "Auntie Seren will sing this one with you". I also can't sing for toffee and was very embarrassed but I did it because I love my niece. I'd have been mortified if someone laughed at me when I was trying to entertain a child Iove. Overreaction maybe but I can see why it stung.

kateandme Wed 06-Mar-19 04:22:25

i think particularly men when embaressed get huffy.
im oversensitive and would be mortified too.if it was to dp I don't think id like to take offense but I don't know that.depends on the day!
so I cant berate him just because he is male.

strawberrisc Wed 06-Mar-19 05:00:44

Is it part of a bigger picture? My ex used to criticise EVERYTHING I did but in a way I didn’t fully realise for years.

Shoxfordian Wed 06-Mar-19 05:11:51

It does sound like you've inadvertently touched a nerve. Say sorry and ask him why it upset him so much.

AgentJohnson Wed 06-Mar-19 06:22:36

This would be one of those moments to chuckle to yourself, what benefit was there to broadcasting your negativity?

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 06-Mar-19 06:50:08

A thread where a man is upset and the consensus is that he should get over it.

Does no-one else link this to why men don't show their feelings?

origamiunicorn Wed 06-Mar-19 07:20:26

... why do people post and then disappear? confused

bumblingbovine49 Wed 06-Mar-19 07:24:20

My community singing group is full of people who have been treated like this by others in the past. I used to laugh it off when people said the same to me but it actually really hurt

M4J4 Wed 06-Mar-19 07:28:21

@Niveous

“wasn't thinking of this thread specifically, just your posting style in general“

Ah. Well, you c&p a post where I have been unkind, and then we’ll talk.

Eh?! Where has this come from? I've never seen an unkind post from @BertrandRussell ! Have you mistaken her for someone else?

The thing I find with some people (and my own DH can be like this) is that they think it's fine for them to be 'honest' or laugh, but they can't take it when someone gives them the same treatment. Suddenly they become precious little snowflakes, to use an overused expression.

bumblingbovine49 Wed 06-Mar-19 07:33:16

Singing absolutely is an expression joy and noone should be mocked for that if they are doing it with friends/ family in private and having s moment of connection.

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