Sensitive subject about my son

[ohcontrarerodders]

Not sure which category to post in but it concerns my 7 year old son. He has been friends with a boy in his class since they started school and I have subsequently become good friends with his mum.

However, over the past year or so I have found that this particular boy has acted a bit oddly towards my son, when we have a playdate at each other's houses and at school. He can come across extremely charming and his mother obviously dotes on him, but some of the things he does is quite devious and controlling, like making my son eat all of his lunch or he will tell on him, ordering him not to play with another friend at school etc. This made my son really upset to the point that he was reluctant to go to school.

Anyway, fast forward to last month and we were having the pants conversation whilst I was tucking him in and me telling him that absolutely no one is allowed to touch his privates etc. I then asked if any one had, totally expecting him to say no, when he said that this particular boy had, once in his bedroom and once in my son's bedroom. I asked him how it made him feel and he said it upset him. He said he made him pull his jeans and pants down and then started touching his privates. I know kids are curious about these things (I'll show me yours if you show me mine) but because it was against my sons wishes, I think I can't allow them to be alone in the same room without supervision.

It really upset me. Do you think I should tell the mother or just distance ourselves?

[MitziK]

I think you should tell the school.

The boy might have been abused himself.

[ForInstance]

Yes agree with MitziK - unfortunately, as I’m sure it won’t be comfortable for you, but the school should have the training and good sense to handle it. You’d hope.

[OlennasWimple]

You need to report this ASAP to the school safeguarding lead

And ask for advice on how to support your son

[endevo]

As others have said this is unfortunately sometimes a sign of sexual abuse of the child. Please let their class teacher know. They will pass on all relevant information to the safeguarding team.

[Stickerrocks]

You should not approach the mother under any circumstances. Ask to speak to someone regarding safeguarding at school.

[OpiesOldLady]

The I'd bypass the mother and I'd go either to your sons school or social services for advice.

It may be curiosity, or it may be learned behaviour, but either way it really needs addressing.Both boys are going to need support.

[Aquamarine1029]

You need to tell the school immediately and keep your son away from this child. Absolutely no contact outside of school.

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

I would suggest keeping them separate. The control this boy has over your son does not bode well. I agree with pp that you should speak with the school but in the wider context of his manipulative behaviour. Children that age do play with genitals, it’s a normal part of psychosexual development for most of them. Hopefully he is one of the majority in this instance. But his overall behaviour is very problematic. Obviously some children out grow this (and it may actually be a case of the child being bossy and yours eager to please rather than outright manipulation) but it’s definitely something that needs to be monitored. It’s probably best to report this to the school so that they can speak to the mother.

[LucyStopItNowUK]

I’m sorry to hear about what has happened between your son and this boy. You’ve done the right thing in deciding that your son should only be supervised if he has contact with his friend, if he wants to remain friends at all. This needs to be his decision. I also think it is important to share what you know with the other boy’s mother so that she can take the necessary steps to check if something has happened to her son.
While some sexualised behaviours are developmentally expected, sometimes when very young children act out in this kind of way and they are against the other child’s wishes it can be a sign that the child has experienced abuse themselves. Obviously this may pose a problem for your ongoing friendship, but given you had already considered if you needed to distance yourself entirely I think you recognise the importance of making sure the other boy is also safe from harm. If you feel you can’t do this alone maybe you could ask another friend to be present or maybe approach your school so that they can advocate on your behalf. Also, it is important that your child’s school is aware of the situation as they will be able to consider safeguarding measures that may need to be put in place given this information.