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DH's eating / food weirdness

(50 Posts)
Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 18:09:36

Getting a bit fed up with it. Doesn't eat all day, not breakfast or lunch. The hungry evenings. Sometimes eats junk, then. Complains if we eat dinner late. Fasting? Not sure.

MsRosewater Tue 05-Mar-19 19:19:35

This could be my DH!!! It drives me mad- it's like he feels it's an achievement or demonstration of discipline not eating all day (and that the corollary is that because I eat regular meals I lack self control hmm). Then he eats crap in the evening

He can do what he wants TBH, I find it tiresome and possibly attention seeking , but do worry that it's poor role modelling for DD

Do you have kids OP?

Tomtontom Tue 05-Mar-19 19:20:49

Big fuss over food, they love to feed others, food as a treat. many eggs at easter that kind of thing. so, you'd think they would enjoy it - strange really

So there's not a family problem there. Maybe his sister is making things up.

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:24:19

No, he definitely made it about me, he makes other comments as well. It'd not healthy to be that thin. I guess it is his choice though

mynameiscalypso Tue 05-Mar-19 19:24:42

There are some definite misconceptions about eating disorders on this thread. I love to treat people with food, I buy lots of 'treat ' foods for my husband and am always baking, I love eating good food. I also have anorexia. It's not uncommon for people with eating disorders to have an obsession with food.

MrsRubyMonday Tue 05-Mar-19 19:25:17

There could be a family problem, it's fairly common for among people with eating disorders to have family who love food, food at every occasion, always being pushed to eat, so they go the opposite way as a rejection of what they see as excess. It's also common for people with eating disorders to love cooking and feeding others, seeing other people eat makes them feel better than people who don't have their control. So just because the family have a lot or even just normal amounts of food around, doesn't mean there isn't an underlying issue. Especially if someone in the family is saying this, and another clearly has food issues of some sort.

Tomtontom Tue 05-Mar-19 19:25:45

Yes, it is his choice.

There's a bigger issue than food here isn't there? The relationship between the two of you, and your wider families?

coldlocation Tue 05-Mar-19 19:25:58

Just some sympathies. My new DP eats quite a restricted diet to control IBS. He's rake thin and very fit from cycling (6ft 6 and <14 stone) and excludes dairy and bread /pasta. He manages a bowl of cereal or porridge in the morning and seems to survive on a bar of good quality dark chocolate during the day and virtually always says he's already eaten when he comes over of an eve - he sometimes claims to have eaten samosas from the local shop or to have had something from Greggs and will pick at a bag of crisps and some chocolate. I really enjoy cooking for people so find it quite difficult. We have had 3 meals out since we met - sushi x2 and an all day breakfast at a cafe (he just had the eggs). He's been both veggie and vegan in the past but now claims to be an omnivore. He's proud of being slim, and is clearly an ectomorph but I'm sure theres at least a wee bit of orthorexia/disordered eating there.

Tomtontom Tue 05-Mar-19 19:26:54

And haven't you had issues with his sister before?

Kismetjayn Tue 05-Mar-19 19:32:01

This really sounds like an eating disorder. Not 'irritating', deeply concerning.

sirfredfredgeorge Tue 05-Mar-19 19:41:13

complains if we eat dinner late

It really depends what this means, the nature of the complaint and if he's expecting you to produce food to his schedule irrespective of yours.

Lots of people are not hungry until the evening, it all depends on the various interactions of the hunger hormones. Nothing wrong with eating to hunger, and it's not weird, being an arse to people because of it isn't great though. But equally if you're deliberately organising your eating not around his then that's a bit arsey too.

Discuss it, but don't assume he's doing anything crazy by not eating until the evening.

justasking111 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:41:35

OH brags that he does not eat until lunchtime. Gets a healthy dinner then spends the rest of the evening scarfing all sorts down. The blocks of cheese we get through, with crackers, chutneys. Biscuits etc. (rolls eyes)

JaneEyre07 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:42:44

DH doesn't eat much during the day and he has most of his calorie allowance after 6pm. He's put loads of weight on his stomach, and it is so bad that he's now got a hiatus hernia that our GP said is from not eating during the day. It's almost like binge eating when he starts.... and I have to hide things I've bought for our DC and grandchildren as nothing is safe.

But you can't tell him. It's not attractive, to be honest sad and he's been much worse since turning 50.

ReanimatedSGB Tue 05-Mar-19 19:44:01

While he can choose to eat/not eat as he sees fit, he needs to shut the fuck up about what you eat and not expect you to adapt your mealtimes to his weird behaviour.
Tell him that he;s responsible for his own food, you are responsible for yours, he's not to make comments to DC about what they eat and that no one cares about his opinions.

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:45:17

His sister is extremely thin, obviously and told me she has always used it as a form of control. No, not had issues before, (posted previously about my brother's wife, not DH's). My MIL, also told me about issues when they were growing up, however no-one really talks about it.

yes it does worry me with DH, it is affecting him badly in terms of his health (has developed a chronic illness now)

Yes have DCs, managing to hopefully teach them normal habits. Not easy.

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:48:15

Yes, the feeding that, that is a thing for people with eating disorders, that is why I mentioned it. I thought it was strange until I realised. They are obsessed with baking and cookbooks also.

Bluntness100 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:50:09

I'm guessing if you find it annoying, you also make comments to him, this isn't a one way street.

Really you both need to not resent each other's eating habits. If he wishes to control his weight this is his choice it does not mean he has an eating disorder, but he should do so without comment to you or fear of comments from you..

Are you a healthy weight or do you also struggle with food?

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:51:39

I'm a healthy weight, I also go to the gym and exercise a lot.

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:53:16

I don't say much, except when I think he is ultra thin and i'm really worried. I get him vitamins sometimes.

Kismetjayn Tue 05-Mar-19 19:53:54

I think you should gently bring it up with him...

Eating disorders have a very high mortality rate, the highest of all mental illnesses. Would we really be saying 'its his choice how he spends his money' if he was showing signs of bipolar and blew it all while manic? Or 'its his choice how much he sleeps' if he was depressed and took to his bed all day?

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 19:58:57

In the family no-one seems to discuss it, it is like a kind of secret. It looks like another family member is getting it too, (very thin) but no one says anything. Maybe they don't realise how serious it is. Not sure. DH definitely thinks he is fine. But that is maybe a sign as well. But what to do.

Home77 Tue 05-Mar-19 20:00:46

The others who say they know people who don;t eat all day, just the one meal, it that every day like mine, or like 2 days a week / intermittent? is this is every day. One small meal. For an adult male. (apart from occasional evening unhealthy snacks).

TheDarkPassenger Tue 05-Mar-19 20:07:06

I don’t eat during the day then I eat a moderate sized meal at night. Today I ate lunch and wasn’t hungry for tea! It’s just the way some people are I think. I have a friend tell me ‘there’s no way I could do that’ and I just think we’ll theres no way I could eat all day then have my meal on an evening aswell. Some people just don’t need as many calories as others!

Kismetjayn Tue 05-Mar-19 20:29:14

The obsession with food and competitiveness/ thin to the point of being actually worrying/ health issues related/ positive emotions attached to not eating/ inability to link tiredness with lack of food tells me it's not as simple as needing less calories.

Fwiw my family were in denial until I almost died of anorexia, and my mum was in denial while I was literally in hospital with her being told I had almost died. She still insisted it was my imagination. Some families have a culture of denial and it doesn't make the risks any less real.

SerenDippitty Tue 05-Mar-19 20:39:11

I don’t eat during the day then I eat a moderate sized meal at night. Today I ate lunch and wasn’t hungry for tea! It’s just the way some people are I think. I have a friend tell me ‘there’s no way I could do that’ and I just think we’ll theres no way I could eat all day then have my meal on an evening aswell. Some people just don’t need as many calories as others!

Having lunch and an evening meal does not constitute “eating all day”. hmm

Home77 Wed 06-Mar-19 08:28:33

Kis- I'm sorry to hear that, sounds horrible. I hope you are doing a bit better now.

My DH has had those elemental drinks on prescription before- for his IBD, so I guess the docs are aware of the weight issues. I guess he can get them again if needs be. I suppose it is difficult also when you have something like that as eating can set it off and if avoiding food means for a while you can get on with work without going to the toilet all the time that would be helpful.But the in time it may make the IBD worse. I checked online and didn't realise but around 10% of those with autoimmune and eating disorders, have both.

I also forgot to mention there are other ways it is competitive / difficult for example he bought me a Fitbit, for Christmas. and was comparing how many steps etc, we did. I did over the 10,000 steps as walk a lot to the school etc, but he said it had a 'glitch' and it 'can't be right' as he did less at his work... I don't like measuring things like that and then the DCs started asking if they could borrow the Fitbit to measure their days steps etc. (I have since hidden the Fitbit!)

Maybe the IBD is masking the eating disorder.

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