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Is this a type of sexuality?

(13 Posts)
Boutiquebaby Tue 05-Mar-19 16:26:45

So my cousin who is a close mate tells me that for him to have sex, he would have to gear himself up for it for a number of weeks to perform !! He is not gay to the best of my knowledge. He has a girlfriend who must be ok with it . I didn’t know how to respond so I didn’t. What could be going on there and how could I support him. Thought he kinda dropped it into conversation for a reaction or as an opener to a conversation about it. I’m not sure . I’ve never heard of this before. He spoke briefly about it after but I was a little confused and blank . Any ideas welcome.

JaretsGirlfren Tue 05-Mar-19 16:28:31

Is he asexual and doesn’t want to let his gf down?

Boutiquebaby Tue 05-Mar-19 16:36:31

I’m not sure. He said she understands him but loves sex .makes no sense to me . Am I ignorant on this?

Boutiquebaby Tue 05-Mar-19 18:18:08

Does anyone have experience on this? I’m baffled not to mention at a loss as to how to support him thanks

Tomtontom Tue 05-Mar-19 18:19:43

Does he want your support?

We're all different. I don't see the problem, unless it's actually an issue for him.

Boutiquebaby Tue 05-Mar-19 18:26:21

I got the feeling that he wanted to talk about it but I was weird and awkward as it was such a bolt out of the blue. It makes no sense to me and I’ve nevwr met a person who told me that they would have to psyche up for a matter of weeks to have sex with their oh

Tomtontom Tue 05-Mar-19 18:28:13

Does everyone have sex in the same way? No.

Hopefully he'll find someone a little more open minded if he does need to talk.

EmmaGrundyForPM Tue 05-Mar-19 18:30:15

That does sound odd. I wonder if he has had a past experience of abuse and is trying to sound you out so to speak. Eg if there is some childhood trauma a d he was trying to gauge if you had the experienced the same thing?

I might be completely off the wall though.

If I were you I'd try to offer support and the chance for him to talk.

Meandmetoo Tue 05-Mar-19 18:33:32

Support him? How? Guide him in? confused

MajesticWhine Tue 05-Mar-19 18:39:35

Does sounds a bit odd tbh. I think the best way to support is to ask open questions and allow space to talk about it should he need to.

Boutiquebaby Tue 05-Mar-19 18:56:09

I’m disappointed in the way I reacted . I wish I had been less ‘ what do you mean?’ And more’ do you want to chat?’ I got the feeling he wanted to talk . He has said before that he has experienced confusion and stress about sex when he was younger . We know eachother so well that he knows he could talk to me without judgement . It’s all new to me . I just wanted to know if anyone had any experience or knowledge of this type of sexuality and could help me understand it to support him as I got the feeling that he would like to open up . Perhaps I am innocent

Samind Tue 05-Mar-19 19:02:48

It's nice you want to support him. Some people have no trouble with sex and for others, it can bring up certain feelings etc why don't you message him and say honestly you were caught off guard and remind him that everyone's different. If he replies and wants to chat about it, kind of just let him talk. He might not even want to talk about it again for a while. Kind of you though to want to help out even if it is awkward.

slashlover Tue 05-Mar-19 19:31:26

He could be asexual., you could either do some research or point him towards www.asexuality.org to see if it rings any bells. There's also forums if he (or you) want to talk it through.

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