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AIBU?

Do I make DD 6yrs old continue swimming lessons when she doesn't want to go

104 replies

user1467722214 · 04/03/2019 22:44

Dilemma - MIL told me my DD doesn't want to continue with swimming lessons and only goes because I want her too. MIL really upset me as she made me feel terrible for wanting daughter to do this. She asked me what I am so scared of! I just want DD to be competent, I feel MIL is manipulating her own GD just because the lesson (30mins) encroaches on her time with her GD overnight stay with her. She thinks I should take her and teach her myself every few weeks. I think lessons make DD concentrate better. Don't know what to do.

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Aquamarine1029 · 04/03/2019 22:46

You don't know what to do? You ignore your MIL and do what you think is best for your child. She doesn't get a vote. Learning to swim is extremely important. Ignore her.

Redskyandrainbows67 · 04/03/2019 22:47

Can dd swim? If not carry on the lessons.
It’s a life saving skill.
She needs to be taught by a professional. She can practise with you by all means at weekends too.

If dd can swim enough to be safe then ask dd directly and let her stop if she wants

Nichola2310 · 04/03/2019 22:49

I would keep her at lessons. I tried to learn to swim in my late 20’s and still am not a confident swimmer. I wish I had of been sent as a child.

Chouetted · 04/03/2019 22:50

Well surely the answer is simple - you're scared of her drowning.

Sorry to be blunt, but swimming is not like gymnastics, or football, it's potentially lifesaving.

EdtheBear · 04/03/2019 22:50

I'd maybe try changing the time / instructor but swimming is pretty non negotiable in my book, safety, access to other water sports and its non impact.

janetforpresident · 04/03/2019 22:51

Our rule is that they have to be a competent enough swimmer. My ds is about to give up, he's not enjoyed it for a while but I wanted him to be able to comfortably swim a couple of lengths.

It's none of your mIL's business either way.

TrainSong · 04/03/2019 22:51

I told DC they had to keep swimming lessons up until they could swim 200m (which isn't far at all.) Took them ages. Not natural swimmers. But they suddenly got the bug and now they can swim a mile if they have to.

LostwithSawyer · 04/03/2019 22:52

Ignore and keep the swimming lessons.
I wouldn't stop them even if my 6yr old asked.

cantkeepawayforever · 04/03/2019 22:53

Swimming lessons, until a child can swim several lengths unaided, are non-negotiable. Earlier started, earlier finished - unless there is a reason why the lessons aren't working out.

If possible, your swimming with her should be as well as, not instead of, swimming lessons - we went every weekend through 'the swimming lesson years'.

I can see that if it encroaches into you MiL's time with her GD, either the swimming lesson - or the time with MiL - could be changed, but IME swimming lessons move times as children move up the levels anyway.

Divgirl2 · 04/03/2019 22:54

Swimming is a life skill - ignore MIL. In fact, you're BU even giving her thoughts space in your brain.

Does she have your DD every week overnight? That's a lot of granny time.

Ohyesiam · 04/03/2019 22:56

Of course she needs swimming lessons, it’s a really important skill.
Mil sounds manipulative.

JassyRadlett · 04/03/2019 22:56

Swimming is my one non-negotiable. DS1 is not a fan of his lessons but he bloody goes. It’s an important and potentially life-saving skill.

Yesicancancan · 04/03/2019 22:57

Agree with others. Swimming is a life skill, you ignore and keep going, enquire if she can change time easily, if not, unlucky. Swimming is vip, as a teen I was so embarrassed about not being able to swim and I wish my parents had sent me for lessons.

Pythonesque · 04/03/2019 23:03

I stopped taking my son to swimming lessons at 7, partly because they weren't working well for him, partly due to increased demands on his time. Initially I'd intended to take him swimming myself on Sunday mornings but that also didn't work out.

The last couple of summer holidays I've tried to make sure there is at least one week where he goes swimming regularly. At (just) 13 last summer we were saying right you have to be able to swim before you go to senior school!

Don't stop swimming lessons with a 6 yr old if you can avoid it!

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 04/03/2019 23:04

What does DD want? Is she actually learning and progressing? If so then continue them, if not maybe give it a rest for a year then start again.

DD stayed on level 3 for over 2 years, getting nowhere, so we stopped when she finally went up to level 4 and they said she wasn’t concentrating. No point in wasting money if they’re not advancing.

If it’s just a line spun by MIL then ignore it

ViolaD77 · 04/03/2019 23:04

Ignore MIL, she is irrelevant and needs to be put in her place. With regards to dd swimming, in my own opinion I think its an important skill incase anything terrible were to happen in the sea/pool/on holiday, god forbid but You just don't know.... I'd definitely make her do these until she is competent

YogaWannabe · 04/03/2019 23:05

Fuck MIL, it’s a life skill and very important (jut wish I could get that through to my DD!)

userschmoozer · 04/03/2019 23:06

Carry on with the lessons. Its much easier to learn at her age than when you are older - and you don't even know your DD actually said she wants to stop.

EhlanaOfElenia · 04/03/2019 23:07

Unlike other sports, swimming is a life skill and is imperative. Neither your DD nor your MIL get a say in the matter.

Suggest to your MIL that if your DD is so upset after lessons, perhaps its best that you pick her up from swimming for awhile and the overnight stay is temporarily stopped....

Handsfull13 · 04/03/2019 23:08

You've said you think you Mil is manipulating your daughter because of the timings. But if it's your mil telling you this then your daughter might not feel it at all manipulation or not. She might be lying completely to get her own way.

Either way unless your daughter tells you she doesn't want to go then you do want you want.

user1467722214 · 04/03/2019 23:08

No DD can just above get across on her front but still needs teacher next to her or buoyancy aid .

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FrozenMargarita17 · 04/03/2019 23:10

I would carry on with it. MIL has a reason to try and stop her from going, and it's a selfish one at that.

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user1467722214 · 04/03/2019 23:13

DD never upset to go or afterwards. My inner feeling is MIL driving this wedge as DD adores nanny!

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user1467722214 · 04/03/2019 23:15

She had only received 10m badge and was excited to continue. WTF.. angry at MIL and husband agrees with MIL.
questioning my own sanity if im making a massive issue out of nothing!

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Wavesurfer007 · 04/03/2019 23:55

Is it because mil doesn’t want to take her? Or is it that mil is putting words into daughters mouth! If daughter has always enjoyed the lessons and never complained before i would be suspicious? You are the parent mil should not go against your wishes as what is best for your daughter. Have some mummy/daughter time see what thoughts are going through daughters head if she really wants to stop ask why? Maybe time out then starting up again once it’s all calmed down

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