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Why does he do this?

(44 Posts)
ALargeGinPlease Mon 04-Mar-19 20:17:30

For example, he asks 'what time is this thing on Sunday?', I reply 'i don't know', he then says ,is it at 12?' Aargh... If I knew, I would have answered the first time. He's always doing it and it drives me mad.

Carolcool Mon 04-Mar-19 20:24:11

Aww. Maybe he just wants to chat.

goldengummybear Mon 04-Mar-19 20:50:17

Child or partner?

TheChineseChicken Mon 04-Mar-19 20:53:05

I have similar. Example today when measuring ibuprofen for DD. Him: 'It's 2 doses, isn't it?' Me: 'No! Just one! It say on the bottle.' Him: 'Ok, don't worry, I always check before giving it to her.' So why ask me?

ALargeGinPlease Mon 04-Mar-19 20:58:30

Yes Chinese, and that's another thing, why oh why am I expected to know everything...just look on the bottle/packet etc, etc. I do not hold the world's knowledge in my head!
He's been known to come off Google to ask me something googleable before now.

TheChineseChicken Mon 04-Mar-19 21:04:21

It's very annoying

OhHolyJesus Mon 04-Mar-19 21:16:09

My DH asks me about whether we have something in the fridge, with the door open, looking in the fridge. If it's an item behind another item it is invisible to him and it is impossible for him to consider moving things around to have a check if it's there.


TheChineseChicken Mon 04-Mar-19 21:17:53

Do yours also ask what you're doing at the weekend a million times?

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 04-Mar-19 21:20:09

I remember reading a research report which said, basically, that women tend to read the manual for answers, men ask someone. The authors related it back to other research on primary school children where the teachers had been pre-primed to make sure that they gave equal attention to boys and girls. Nevertheless, when observed, they still were distinctly more likely to answer questions from the boys, implication being that boys were being subconsciously trained to ask for answers and girls to find out for themselves.

No idea where I read this. It could even be from some popular psychology book and therefore totally invalid.

TheChineseChicken Mon 04-Mar-19 21:21:27

@MereDintofPandiculation that sounds like a convenient excuse for laziness smile

MissCalamity Mon 04-Mar-19 21:31:07

Yep, mine does the same. Every Monday night he asks me what bins are out, despite the fact he's walked all the way up our road, past at least 20 houses with the bins out. hmm

DuggeesWoggle Mon 04-Mar-19 21:32:28

It's all part of this idea of the 'mental load'. Men won't see it as their job to retain such mundane household related facts in their Big Important Brains, so they defer to women, playing dumb and helpless for something they could easily remember or find out for themselves.

My husband also does the fridge thing Jesus and it drives me insane - I hear him open the fridge door and not only do I know what he's looking for, I know that he won't see it, nor will he think to move other things out of the way or look on a shelf that is not immediately at eye level. He's an engineer FFS, he has a high attention to detail in his everyday work but seems incapable of finding basic things in cupboards.

But it's learned behaviour. If I keep piping up with 'it's behind the hummus' or 'it's your dad's birthday this weekend remember', then he will never need to remember it these things.

But then I have never mastered moving DS' car seat from our car to my parents car as I tend to just let DH do it so maybe I'm just as bad!

Feefoe8 Mon 04-Mar-19 21:40:12

I have a friend who does this.

Her: 'Is Mary coming tomorrow?'

Me: 'I don't know.'

Her: 'is she doing something else instead?'

Me: 'I don't know. I don't know anything more.'

Her: 'is she at work, is that why she might not come?'

Me: 'I don't fucking know.'

I know I've started to get snappy about it but I cannot stand it.

Celticrose Mon 04-Mar-19 22:24:42

Dh does that about the bins also. Every week I am asked what bin goes out. Just look out the window and you will find your answer. But how do I remember every week the right ones? Also when cooking or heating a ready meal I get adked what are the instructions for this. How do I know you are the one with the packet in your hand with the instructions. Give me strength

OhHolyJesus Mon 04-Mar-19 22:53:14

Oh Duggees you and me both! I've started saying 'I don't know, can't you see it? I'm sure you'll find it' rather than screaming from the other room 'second shelf down on the left behind the salad cream'. I mean honestly hmm

BanginHeadache Mon 04-Mar-19 23:04:42

omg bugs me too! When someone has lost something and ask have you seen then reply no not seen it and they continue "is it in such & such a place"...I JUST SAID NO I HAVEN'T SEEN IT

ALargeGinPlease Tue 05-Mar-19 08:55:09

Glad it's not just my DH. I need to find my inner zen when replying 'don't know' for the third of fourth time, in a conversation much like Feefoe reports. he gets all sad and hurt looking when I snap, but grrr ... Maybe I should try agreeing with him in a non-descipt way, so the conversation would go :
*DH 'Is Mary coming tomorrow?'

Me: 'I don't know.'

DH: 'is she doing something else instead?'

Me: 'I don't know. I don't know anything more.'

DH: 'is she at work, is that why she might not come?'

Me: 'maybe...that might be it'*

Although I do suspect that won't stop it sad

FrozenMargarita17 Tue 05-Mar-19 08:57:42

My husband doesn't remember names of things so I get questions like 'do you know where the thing I use for thingy is?'

I just stare at him usually.

Thegoodthere Tue 05-Mar-19 09:02:04


The worst thing is when he asks for info, I tell him, but he doesn't believe I'm right. That happens a lot. Why ask me then?

theworldistoosmall Tue 05-Mar-19 09:03:44

THe Mary example - contact her and ask her yourself. I have told you I don't know.

Looking in the fridge/freezer/whatever - have we got? - How about you look properly?

What time is X coming - same response as Mary

Cooking instructions - read the bloody label

What day for bins? - Bin day hasn't changed for the past however long.

Seekinginput Tue 05-Mar-19 09:10:55

Dh throws away the packaging from a ready meal or similar like pasta and will ask me the timings.
He also does the medicine dose thing where he gets it wrong when he asks me but 'don't worry, I would have checked' hmm
But mine also makes up fake information and says it as fact just to make himself look knowledgeable. That's the most infuriating thing here!

ALargeGinPlease Tue 05-Mar-19 10:20:02

Oh yeah...the fake information presented as fact! Really gets to me.

Also, the blindly believing what 'Fred - the man he met in the street' says. In fact the other day, we were talking about leasing Vs buying a car and DH claimed the garage refused to sell 'Fred' a car, they would only lease him one. I questioned and questioned DH about the likelihood of this and he continued to claim it was true. Eventually, I asked him...'do you really believe that if 'Fred' walked in with a suitcase full of cash, the garage would refuse to sell him a car?' at which point he looked a little abashed and the subject was changed.

Loyaultemelie Tue 05-Mar-19 10:20:17

Argh yes! I have a broken knee and in a full length non weight bearing cast. Dh is supposedly in "full control" but can't seem to do anything without asking even the few things he used to do before.
"How much for school dinners?"
I don't know but it's written on the menu on the wall all you have to do is look
"Oh is it £7.80 then?"

OnceUponAThread Tue 05-Mar-19 10:46:38

Mine does this with the laundry. Every single time.

Him: what temperature should this go on?

Me: did you check the washing labels?

Him: no.

Me: ok, what clothes are in there?

Him: x, y, z.

Me: 30 degrees then.

Every time. EVERY TIME.

Middlrm Tue 05-Mar-19 10:56:15

Haha! My husband is similar he will ask me something like bins or what we are doing I.e plans and then always follow up are you sure.

Or he will ask if we are eating out where I fancy so I suggest something and he replies are you sure so I say I don’t mind you pick and he gets annoyed about me being indecisive and having to make the choices ... why not take me at my first answer instead of doubting me!

If I have got the keys ... are you sure ... should you not check. Me I have checked ... husband are you sure ... ahhh you bring your keys then ya numpty!!

Also anything thing is he plays with baby in the night if he wakes up while baby is awake waiting for his bottle then wonders why the baby doesn’t fall straight back to sleep... I tell him why or try to stop him I have to chill out ... it’s all good ... or wind my neck in ...

Or I am lucky he does do night feeds on weekend but he will leave the baby for ages once he has woken up so he eats more and is grateful I am not allowed to interfere and listen to them playing for 30 mins then baby will not sleep for ages so listen to them play some more ...

Love my husband to the moon and back but seriously I am going to fall out over the playing at night I can feed change and get back in bed including 20 mins sleeping in my arms upright for reflux in 40 mins and the baby is asleep for half of that ...

Ah it feels good to vent!! Sure he has plenty to say to me though about what I do that irritates him 😂😂

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