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AIBU about my family's attitude towards my DC

(22 Posts)
Sherbety Mon 04-Mar-19 19:52:25

I love seeing my family and going round to my parents house to catch up with them but DC never seem to involved. When we go for tea they are sat at the kitchen table whilst the adults are in the dinning room. DS age 5 always gets upset about this and wants to come and sit with me, this annoys my family and they complain about him ruining the evening. This could easily be solved by letting them sit in the dinning room, there's certainly enough space for them. They don't enjoy going round as all they do is sit in the kitchen, nothing to really do. We sometimes all go on holiday, we did last year and my mum often encourage them to go off and play somewhere else, they weren't always allowed in the livingroom of the holiday home. I get that they want adult time without kids running around but it would be nice if they were included more often. Only other child in the family is my sister's son who's now a teenager and is often away for school, though this was often the case for him when he was a bit younger. They all have a good relationship with DC, will look after them sometimes and get on well with them, it's just at things like this they would rather DC weren't around

7yo7yo Mon 04-Mar-19 19:54:22

We’ll surely it’s non negotiable!
You come as a package? I’d be easing of the meet ups and certainly wouldn’t go on holiday with them. Your children aren’t an inconvenience!

Loopytiles Mon 04-Mar-19 19:55:53

This seems very Enid Blyton (in her parenting rather than writing style) !

It seems unlikely to change.

I wouldn’t want to holiday or spend much time with them unless I was able to leave DC with my partner and enjoyed time with the family without DC.

Undies1990 Mon 04-Mar-19 19:58:58

How strange - have you asked your parents why?

I wouldn't have the kids kept out of the way, you are a family unit. I'd lessen visits if my kids were clearly not wanted

Rumboogie Mon 04-Mar-19 20:04:29

How awful. I would never go anywhere where my DC weren’t welcome and treated as equal family members.

Singlenotsingle Mon 04-Mar-19 20:05:55

Don't the dc take toys, books, screens etc with them to play with? I'm surprised they want to sit with the adults, with nothing happening except grown up gossip. You could float backwards and forwards, to keep everyone happy.

Sherbety Mon 04-Mar-19 20:08:32

They seem to think that's just how it should be when I've asked, they don't want misbehaving at the table but DC are used to sitting round the table at home and know how to behave. It brings me back to my childhood, I always sat in the kitchen with my cousins during christmas then was sent off to play. We don't go round too often but for things like christmas, birthdays and the occasional random tea but will probably try to cut down on that a bit

CarpetGate Mon 04-Mar-19 20:13:32

Just different styles. Not worth making a fuss about.

Cherrysoup Mon 04-Mar-19 20:13:57

That’s their tradition, OP, not yours. Time to break it, we’re not in the Victorian ‘Children must be seen, or heard’ era anymore. If they want to go on holiday/have you round, then the dc should be fully involved.

Undies1990 Mon 04-Mar-19 20:14:42

Do you all sit together when your parents come to visit you at your house? Do the kids misbehave at the table? It seems rather old fashioned to separate the kids; what's the expression ... children should be seen but not heard.... but then yours are not even seen because they are in a different room!

My only suggestion is to invite you parents to your and set a good example of family time together?

lolfun Mon 04-Mar-19 20:44:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lolfun Mon 04-Mar-19 20:45:15

Hi. Sorry I have answered your thread. I meant to start my own!!

Apologies and I've reported.

SnapesGreasyHair Mon 04-Mar-19 20:46:26

We think you should starr your own thread

lolfun Mon 04-Mar-19 20:47:20

I have done now. I did not intend to jump on this one at all. I seemed to click reply instead of new! Duh!

Again apologies. Ignore my posts!

Echobelly Mon 04-Mar-19 20:53:04

I think sometimes people who last had small kids a long time ago overestimate how disruptive kids are at the table and convince themselves it will be awful so they're overly prescriptive about not having kids in grown-up spaces. I think you should tell them the kids would like to be with them, and can they just try, and be a bit patient (ie, don't decide that it's unbearable the moment a child speaks above a whisper)

If they insist on being like this, could you bring along something to entertain the kids with in the other room?

Espressomartin Mon 04-Mar-19 20:59:11

But you love going around there?

Wearywithteens Mon 04-Mar-19 21:03:53

Espressomartin you beat me to it! Why would you ‘love’ going somewhere that your dc are excluded and bored?

Cocobean30 Mon 04-Mar-19 21:08:50

If they have an activity to keep them occupied in the adults presence then there is no fair reason to exclude them, it would be an awful feeling for a child :/

Sherbety Mon 04-Mar-19 21:21:33

I worded that wrong, I do enjoy seeing my family but I don't like how they treat DC and it does make it a lot less enjoyable. They do bring toys with them but they get bored and DS5 can be quite clingy, if I'm around he wants to be with me, hates sitting next to anyone else so me being in an entirely different room is difficult. I do check on them every so often and DS5 usually ends up in the room anyway. If my parents are visiting my house DC are allowed anywhere, they often sit down and join in the conversation, they aren't constantly on their best behaviour of course but tend to be a lot better behaved when we have people over or if they're at someone's house

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 04-Mar-19 21:24:29

What would happen if you took your dinner and went to sit with the kids?

JustTwoMoreSecs Mon 04-Mar-19 21:42:33

I would just go with what they want, it can be nice for the DC to relax without having to stay still with the adults.

My DH’s family is very posh, once DH and I were visiting his uncle. The uncle had a dinner party so the « children» , us and the guest’s DC, were sent out for a meal at a local restaurant. We were all between 16 and 25...

Singlenotsingle Mon 04-Mar-19 22:11:44

When my DS, ddil and dgc visit, the children just scatter. (Dgs is 6 and dgd is 2). We sit in the lounge, the dgc play in the dining room or the front room, and if our lodger has his 2 dd's here as well, they play all over the house.

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