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To be fucked off with OH?

(75 Posts)
absolutelyfumingz Mon 04-Mar-19 11:18:34

NC for this. OH and I were bathing DD (14 weeks) in the shnuggle bath. He often takes his hand off her to chat with her or whatever. I was always told never ever to take a hand off of baby in case they slip and drown.
I said to him "you can't take your hand off her," as I have said before and he was annoyed with me, sulking and saying it feels rubbish that I think he is putting the baby at risk. I feel it's not likely she will drown but because the consequences are so serious it's not worth it. (DD is quite chunky and has a bit of head control so couldn't easily sink down but still seems risky to me).

To not drip feed: This is our first and I have had some nerves about the baby (mostly worried about SIDS) but don't treat her like a porcelain doll. I have much more experience with babies (looking after nieces and nephews, etc) than OH (who had none prior to DD). When other things come up I hold my tongue so as not to criticise OH (eg how he puts a nappy on, talks to her, etc.), so I'm really not nagging at him about every thing.

AIBU to be fucked off, or is OH?

AllStar14 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:20:30

I do think YABU. It's his DD and he probedoesnt like feeling 'supervised' What do you mean about how he talks to her?

Soubriquet Mon 04-Mar-19 11:20:33

I think you’re a little unreasonable tbh

He’s still there with your dd. He isn’t letting go and walking away. He will be able to react if she slips at all.

I know you’re anxious. Everyone tends to be with their first baby, but honestly, babies are tougher than they look.

Try to relax with them and enjoy your baby

AllStar14 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:20:45

Probably doesn't*

Damntheman Mon 04-Mar-19 11:21:10

On the one hand you're being a little precious. His attention is still on her so the worst that might happen is likely she just gets a dunking. Which won't be the last time ;)

On the other hand you're anxious about it and he should be a team with you not working against you. Therefore should be respecting the request to keep a hand on the baby at all times.

Nicknacky Mon 04-Mar-19 11:23:11

Maybe I am horrifically negligent but I wouldn’t physically keep a hand on a baby if they were in an appropriate bath or support for their age. Don’t you have to let go to get shampoo/towel etc?

Sirzy Mon 04-Mar-19 11:26:01

With two adults in the bathroom I don’t think taking hands off briefly is going to be too much of a risk

Thegoodthere Mon 04-Mar-19 11:35:06

You're being a bit precious. She's 3 months old, he's right there. Put less water in the bath if you're worried.

ShartGoblin Mon 04-Mar-19 11:37:05

I agree with @Damntheman

Maybe re-phrase what you say to him so it doesn't sound like a criticism but rather that you would appreciate him doing it like that because because you feel anxious? He's probably getting defensive because you're telling him how to parent. Neither of you are wrong really you just need to communicate a bit better.

Jizzle Mon 04-Mar-19 11:42:04

You are being really unreasonable. I've never kept a hand on the baby whilst in the bath. As long as you are nearby the worst that is going to happen is they fall down a bit and get a little more wet, but no risk of drowning.

Give your OH some space to actually parent, you sound really suffocating!

BeanTownNancy Mon 04-Mar-19 11:42:29

You can take newborn babies swimming and there's a mammilian dive reflex which means babies under 6 months or so will automatically hold their breath if they go underwater. So, as long as he is supervising her then she's in very little danger even if she dipped underwater for a couple of seconds.

So I would say YANBU to be nervous and cautious, but YABU to criticise her father's parenting - it's a quick way to build resentment in a relationship.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:43:41

The bath has a little seat thing to stop them slipping down doesn’t it?

sparkling123 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:47:50

At 12 weeks I was letting my dd sit up on her own in her shnuggle bath. I understand your concern but if you are minding them then they really won't get hurt, as you will be on hand to catch them if they slip.

RoyalChocolat Mon 04-Mar-19 11:48:36

I think YABU. I have never kept a hand on my babies in the bath (my 4th DC is 2 months old).
You are probably criticizing him much more than you think.

SoyDora Mon 04-Mar-19 11:49:03

I think YABU. Mine is 7 weeks and we use an angelcare bath seat. I don’t keep my hand on him. If he did slip (although I can’t see how) I’m right next to him, so he wouldn’t go far.
He’s not putting your child at risk.

SoyDora Mon 04-Mar-19 11:49:51

Should say I have 2 older DC and did the same with them.

StormTreader Mon 04-Mar-19 11:51:15

You've made sure he's aware of the risks and the situation, as an adult surely he's competent to now carry on without you acting as his boss?

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:52:39

Baby can’t slip down because of the seat. Why are you fretting OP?

Desmondo2016 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:53:10

You're being unreasonable not to leave him bathing her and curl up with a book and a glass of wine downstairs!

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer Mon 04-Mar-19 11:54:51

Sorry but YABU. They won't slip down in the Shnuggle, it's designed so you don't have to keep hold of them in the bath. A three month old will be perfectly capable of sitting in it without help.

peachgreen Mon 04-Mar-19 11:55:46

She's in a Schnuggle, she can't go anywhere! Try and use the time he's bathing her to relax.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 04-Mar-19 11:57:42

I don’t understand why he hasn’t pointed out to you that the baby can’t slip down confused I’d be really pissed off with you OP in his shoes. Chill.

MoBiroBo Mon 04-Mar-19 11:58:09

I think you are still in the I do everything right and no-one can do it as well as me phase. I also went through this phase, it is completely normal but also batshit crazy to everyone else.

I cannot see the issue of him removing his hand from the baby. If the baby slips down, you just pick them back up.

If he "puts the nappy on wrong" then surely it will leak and he will learn.

Let him have his one to one time with his daughter. I assume you are still on maternity leave, and therefore you have your one to one time. Let him bath her and you sit and have a rest.

EKGEMS Mon 04-Mar-19 11:59:01

Good grief he's standing right there bathing her-He's not put her in the deep end of a swimming pool on a kick board to fend for herself

SoyDora Mon 04-Mar-19 11:59:24

What’s wrong with how he talks to her?

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