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Not letting my mother see my son

(37 Posts)
Saoirse1 Sun 03-Mar-19 20:07:04

I have never had a great relationship with my mother due to her being very narcissistic and emotionally abusive. I decided when i had my son that i would let her have a relationship with him however i left him with her for an hour last week so she could spend time with him and when i returned he was inconsolibly crying. I dont know if something happened but i have never seen him like that hes not generally a very narky baby and this was a different sort of cry than iv ever heard and i just have this bad feeling in my gut since then. It also annoyed me that she didnt ring me and let me know as i was only 5 minutes away. She also as if she was doing me a favour by seeing him and told me that she wants nothing to do with me but wants to see him which i think is just to hurt me. Myself and my brother hardly talk to her at all because she hit me reguarly as a child and teenager and she just emotionally abused all of us and loves to play mind games. Despite all of this i cant help feeling guilty for blocking contact from her because i dont want my son to hate me for it and im getting mixed opinons from people.. sorry this is very long but i had to get it all out.

longtimelurkerhelen Sun 03-Mar-19 20:13:14

Never leave your child with her again. I would go full NC. He would hate you for leaving him open to abuse, not for not seeing an abusive GM.

Coffeeisnecessary Sun 03-Mar-19 20:17:08

She abused you and your brother as children. You owe her nothing and she does not have to see your son. Please don't feel guilty for not giving your son a relationship with an abuser. You need to do everything you can to protect him.

MumW Sun 03-Mar-19 20:19:04

I can't believe you would even contemplate letting your child have a relationship with such a vile person. You know that she was an abusive parent so it is beyond unlikely she'll be a doting grandparent.
Sorry if that is blunt and harsh but you need to give your head a wobble.

Saoirse1 Sun 03-Mar-19 20:19:25

SIL said the same but my friends just dont seem to get it they keep saying shes my mother and the only mother ill ever have but i feel so guilty that i left him there every time i think about it i cry because hes only 15 weeks old and he cant tell me if she hurt him and the thought of it just makes my stomach turn

longtimelurkerhelen Sun 03-Mar-19 20:21:54

Well take some comfort in that you have realised your mistake and will never leave him with her again. Everyone makes mistakes.

LittleOwl153 Sun 03-Mar-19 20:22:14

She doesn't want anything to do with you? So she would expect you to drop him and leave him with her unsupervised? No chance. Why on earth would you? You need to protect your son. Not subject him to mind games.

marvellousnightforamooncup Sun 03-Mar-19 20:22:55

Some mothers do not deserve the title of mother or the respect and love that goes with it. Cut her off. You can't trust her.

hidinginthenightgarden Sun 03-Mar-19 20:26:06

Definitley don't let her near him again!

DorindaLestrange Sun 03-Mar-19 20:30:40

Holy shit. I wouldn't be letting a person like that within a mile of me (or a million miles of my DC).

Kaleela Sun 03-Mar-19 20:33:58

I think your SIL is in a better position than your friends to have an opinion. Don't feel guilty. I am NC with two parents because of very similar behaviour. Our childrens mental wellbeing is just as important as their physical and we shouldn't be giving a pass to toxic people simply because they're blood.

Outnotdown Sun 03-Mar-19 20:35:22

Whether he was crying inconsolably because she hurt him, or simply because she doesn't know how to comfort him, she is not a suitable babysitter.

Don't leave your baby with her unsupervised. No need to explain or apologise. You're his mum and you get to decide.

Sorry you've a shit mum🌼

Lana1234 Sun 03-Mar-19 20:36:56

Omg please don’t risk it and never let her near him again!

justanothernameonthewall Sun 03-Mar-19 20:41:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrHaroldFry Sun 03-Mar-19 20:42:52

I have a mother with mental health issues (has been hospitalised and under regular care of psychiatrist).
She was a shouty and slapping kind of mother. She also could go for days without speaking to you for a small infraction (didn't put clothes into the laundry basket, forgot to put Ketchup in fridge). She wasn't formally diagnosed until I was 19!
Yes, she is the only Mother I have, but she is not a ice or kind person. Ignore well meaning friends when they this to you. They did not live your childhood.
I am very very low contact (as are my siblings). My kids know her but don't love her. They sense something about her.
I would never ever ever leave them alone with her. I would honestly advise you the same.

Grumpelstilskin Sun 03-Mar-19 20:45:10

Trust your instincts OP. You KNOW!

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 03-Mar-19 20:49:08

she hit me reguarly as a child and teenager

I posted this on another thread 'D'M hit myself and my siblings when we were kids, up to 16yo. She did the same to my nephew (first grandchild). I never left her alone with my kids. Don't give her the opportunity to do that same to your baby. People like that are unlikely to change.

MakeItAmazing Sun 03-Mar-19 20:50:09

My children have no relationship with my birth parents and they are 100% fine. They would not be 100% fine if they had a relationship with them.

End of.

Romanov Sun 03-Mar-19 20:51:05

she might be your mother, but i wouldnt leave your child with her.

she can spend time with him while you are there if you really want to do this, but dont feel guilty about not wanting to do it
she's made her bed by the way she raised you, you dont owe her anything

MakeItAmazing Sun 03-Mar-19 20:51:16

They were never even good enough parents to me so they don't get to see if they would be better grandparents with my children…

TougheningUp Sun 03-Mar-19 20:54:38

SIL said the same but my friends just dont seem to get it they keep saying shes my mother and the only mother ill ever have

Your friends are idiots. Ignore them. Stand up for your son and cut her out of your life.

BlueMerchant Sun 03-Mar-19 21:08:51

She can't really have a relationship with a 15 week old baby unless she has a relationship with the mother. You need to be able to discuss feeding, med conditions,likes, your preferences and your child's needs, nap times etc if you are ever leaving your child with someone even for an hour and above all you have to have trust. Could you trust her to call you if needed? To put your son first always? To not spread poisonous lies as he grows? Mental and physical abuse and manipulation if he's not doing what he is told?
You haven't blocked contact. She has done that herself.

Saoirse1 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:08:57

Thank you all so much for the replies, i needed to hear the opinion of someone completley detached from the situation as i think sometimes i cant help but let my emotions get the better of me and i wind up feeling sorry for her. I really appreciate the advice ❤

European12345 Sun 03-Mar-19 21:13:12

Your mum?

Lalliella Sun 03-Mar-19 21:15:08

I hate that argument she’s the only mother you’ll ever have. So was Rosemary West to her daughter. Go NC OP and spare your DS what you went through. She’s just trying to manipulate you. Get away.

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