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To think this friendship has ended?

(9 Posts)
LellowYedbetter Sun 03-Mar-19 19:09:41

Apologies if my post doesn’t come across brilliantly. I struggle putting things in words (which has been picked up a lot on here!).

Basically I am largely unliked in my work place. I have aspergers but nobody knows this so they simply see me as a bit of an odd person. I accept that, they don’t know the reason behind it so I don’t hold anything against them for that.

I do however have 1 colleague I’m friendly with. We message each other frequently, laugh lots, tag each other in Facebook stuff and have been out together a few times. She tells me all about her problems and as I said, rings me regularly.

Last week I sensed a change in her. She ignored every message I sent her and when she called me from work she was very “official” and not at all friendly like she normally is. Fair enough, she was at work.

We had planned to go out yesterday however, I’d heard nothing from her so text her to ask if we were still meeting up. She replied saying she felt unwell and so, no, fair enough. She did however ask if I could go out today instead. She sounded very upbeat about it and asked me to “please come” as we could have a laugh and a good chat. I said that was great, I’d see her today. She said she would ring me to arrange a time.

So today, no such phone call arrived. I’ve not heard from her at all and the time has come and gone. No excuses, no reasoning ... just, nothing.

Obviously, due to my aspergers I struggle reading social cues but I do guess. AIBU to think that for whatever reason, we’re no longer friends?

lilyboleyn Sun 03-Mar-19 19:11:29

I’d guess something has recently happened that she’s not happy about.

Namechangeforthiscancershit Sun 03-Mar-19 19:11:33

Oh I hope not! If she has been ill then maybe she ended up sleeping all day?

Are you both in work tomorrow?

HomeMadeMadness Sun 03-Mar-19 19:19:02

I know you said your colleagues don't know about your asd but does this woman? If not could you confide in her? Let her know that you may have misread something and this is why. Obviously it may be the friendship has ended anyway and that's her choice.

I only say this as I worked with a guy who had asd and he used to annoy me as I felt he was selfish. In fact he just didn't pick up on social cues. So for example he'd the the last one there at the party I'd be yawning and clearing up and he'd still be sat there chatting. Once I realised I just started being more explicit with him and realised he was actually very considerate when he knew what people wanted from him.

LellowYedbetter Sun 03-Mar-19 19:23:00

No she doesn’t know, nobody does. Not even my boss. I can’t think of anything I could have done, I’ve not slagged her off or called her in any way. Nothing has changed from my side.

She has been at work today, we were meant to be meeting after work. Just literally heard nothing even though it was her that wanted to go out! I’m not all that bothered, just confused.

LellowYedbetter Sun 03-Mar-19 19:41:36

We’re both at work tomorrow but won’t necessarily see each other. I don’t know whether to ask her outright or just leave it

Piglet208 Sun 03-Mar-19 19:42:25

I think the fact that she was the one who suggested the latest outing and sounded upbeat means that something happened that is not to do with you. It is easy to misinterpret signals and even without aspergers I think we default to thinking we have done something. Give her a chance to explain. Maybe she is still feeling unwell.

LellowYedbetter Sun 03-Mar-19 19:46:24

It’s just that she has been off with me for the past week or so, ignoring messages and being very official in the phone when she’s not normally. I should probably just forget about it

lablablab Sun 03-Mar-19 20:53:09

Ask her if she's ok! She could be struggling with something or something has happened. Message her and say something like;

"Hey, was looking forward to catching up with you. No worries if something has come up, but just wanted to check everything is ok?"

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