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Using the C word in front of my DD

(3 Posts)
codenameduchess Sun 03-Mar-19 17:05:15

I had an argument with my brother (29) today. Well, less of an argument and more I pulled him up in acting like a dick to my dd (3) and he started yelling at me.

Dd asked if he'd like to play a game with her, she's brought it specifically to play with him because she loves him and he'd said last time he saw her to bring it along and they'd play. We were at my mums and had all eaten lunch, just chatting and dd was playing then asked if uncle x would play the game with her and he said yes go set it up. It takes 10 minutes max to play, think like hungry hippos or kerplunk.

She set it up and asked what colour he wanted, he ignored her, she finished off setting up and I chose my colour then she said 'uncle x are you coming to play?'. He ignored this and picked up his phone, dd was very patient and had a little chat with me before asking again and when he ignored her and announced he was leaving I went over and quietly said that he was being mean to a 3 year old and could he not just play once as I knew he had nothing else to do today. She wasn't being loud or clingy or demanding, she was sat patiently waiting and asked really politely.

He lost it, called me a stupid fucking fat cunt and never to speak to him again then stormed out. DD was obviously confused and upset. I settled her and we played her game.

As a one off it's a bit bad, but since she was born he's basically ignored her apart from the odd 5 minutes when he'll acknowledge her and play. For whatever reason she adores him though. I know my child isn't the centre of the world and no one else cares as much as I do but ignoring a 3 year old after promising to play (a really quick!) game with her is a dick move right?

Added to his general selfish and thoughtless behaviour it really pissed me off. he's so disrespectful to our parents, takes whatever he can get but won't help if he's asked even something basic. Recently my dh helped him out massively, spent a full day moving furniture with him, trekking in our car, at the end my brother went to leave the house and it was only by chance dh heard him on the phone saying he was off to the gym... no 'thanks for helping, here's some money for the fuel you've used' not even a 'im going out now' he was just going to leave and not say anything. Dh doesn't offer to help anymore.

Was I U to call him out today? I feel like shouting and swearing in front of a 3 year old is never acceptable, and ignoring her is just rude. He doesn't have to give her 100% of his attention but I'm talking like say hello when you see her, don't promise if you have no intention of following through or acknowledging when she speaks is very basic manners and as the adult he should be doing that.

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin Sun 03-Mar-19 17:12:51

YWNBU to say something as it was an unacceptable reaction whether your DD was there or not but since she was born he's basically ignored her apart from the odd 5 minutes when he'll acknowledge her and play he has made it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with her. You would probably do better to distract her away from him as she is so keen to play with him and be preventive in future, that’s assuming you are planning on seeing much/anything of him in future.

codenameduchess Sun 03-Mar-19 17:45:07

I usually do run interference @PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin but today he'd promised her he'd play this game then agreed to go over and play it when she asked so I thought he'd be a decent person and do it. I was playing too so if she got annoyed or couldn't explain a rule I could step in.

We don't see him loads due to work schedules, but if he's off and we're at my mums he usually drops in (for food) and if his wife is home I text and see if it's ok to go round as we don't see her that often either.

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