I'm starting a thread here to get peoples thoughts and partly so I don't go upstairs and have an all out blazing row with my DP. So as to try not to dripfeed I should say that he suffers from depression (and is medicated for it). I also have depression although didn't require any medication until it escalated into full blown PND almost immediately after DD was born. I am off meds now as they made me too tired to function with small baby. I still have bad days but I push myself through as baby comes first. DD is now 6 mths. DP does nothing around the house or with DD unless I nag him to. He can conveniently act the doting dad when his parents or guests are in but mostly he ignores her or leaves her to me. He will have bursts of playing with her for 5/10 mins and then gets bored and puts her down. If I ask him to give her a feed he will say yes but then will make no attempt to get a bottle ready when she starts fussing. Usually I remind him 4 or 5 times before he'll feed her. Twice I have left him to it and he leaves her until she's crying hysterically then he will pick her up and ask me to go get the bottle ready. I can't do that anymore it's too upsetting to see her that upset and completely needlessly so!! He can be so selfish too. I know his depression is a lot of it and he has missed a lot of work because of it lately but still. He won't do anything to help himself. Reminding him to take his tablets doesn't even work. I have to physically put them in his hand and watch him take them or else he can't be trusted (and he is 10x worse when off pills, literally won't leave bed or wash for days - he knows this). Example of him being selfish though which I can't understand; I asked him to change DD's nappy one evening (he had been in bed all day until about 3 and then got up, had time to himself to shower, have food, watch tv etc, DD was teething and cranky and I was exhausted). He said he wasn't available (exact words) to change her for 25 mins as his football match wasn't over. I tried to insist but there was no way he was budging. He would have happily let her sit in a dirty nappy that length without giving it a second thought despite the fact he had done f--- all for her all day. I just can't fathom it!!! On my worst day, and I was really bad for a while, suicidal and wanting to give baby up as thought she was better off without me, I still never EVER left her hungry or sitting in a filthy nappy like that. I can't trust him alone with her because I honestly think he would neglect her. And he acts so hurt when I say this and I feel like the world's biggest bitch. Last night he stayed up til 3am playing online games with his friends. I called him at noon today and asked him to help me with baby (to be honest, I could have coped as I'm used to it now but why shouldn't he pitch in with his own child). He said he'd be there in 5 mins. At half 2 he drags himself downstairs, I gave out to him for being noisy (getting the dog worked up and starting her off barking mostly) as baby was only just asleep for her nap. He sulks and disappears upstairs to play games with his friends again. I'm so pissed off!!! He won't do a thing! Dishes, laundry. I've stopped doing his and it just piles up and sits there pissing me off more. His family know all about it but are very softly, softly approach. Fine for them, they don't have to live with it. My family are 2hrs drive away (4hrs by bus and I don't drive) his are 5 mins round the corner. Some days I just want to pack up baby, dog and myself, go back to where I'm originally from and leave him to it and honestly I'm not sure he'd even notice we were gone. Am I being a total cow? I was understanding for so long and now I'm just at the end of my rope But I'm so bloody exhausted. And I'm afraid my own depression is clouding my judgement and making me react more badly to things than I should. Just feeling so alone. Sorry for disjointed post, baby has not slept last week properly and I'm so tired. Also should say, he's been to GP twice in past fortnight (due to me and his mum nagging him for 3 hrs straight each time) and is on waiting list to see psychiatrist but I just don't know how much longer i can take this.
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Depressed and selfish partner - what to do?
8 replies
Exhausted18 · 03/03/2019 15:29
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