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RE teenage D Sis, and my new puppy.

(84 Posts)
Bamchic Sun 03-Mar-19 11:54:24

D sis is ten years younger than me (she’s 18) we live not far from each other (7 miles) and recently DH and I decided to get a cockerpoo. (Our last dog died a year or so ago) DDog is 8 weeks old, we’ve had her a few days and it is fair to say Dsis is enamoured and obsessed which is lovely.
However she wants to take DDog off to a friends house this pm without me and I have said no.
My reasons being
DDog hasn’t been to said friends house before, and hasn’t really been with anyone but me and DH since we got her,
D friends have a carpeted house, and whilst we are making fab progress on toilet training I really don’t want her to pee or poo on someone lovely carpet.
I don’t know where she’s going, or how long she will be and DDog hasn’t had all her jabs yet.
DDog is also zonked as we had the neighbors round this AM for a cuppa, so not only has she been chased by the toddler, she’s had a 3 year old golden retriever a 6 yo and a 7 yo to play with from 830 -11.

The solutions I have offered.
If DM and DF don’t mind (d sis still lives at home with our parents) I’m happy to leave the puppy there and she can have friends over to dm’s (we go there quite regularly, and the dog has a toileting area outside, and mum and dad have all oak flooring in case there was an accident I know where their cleaning stuff is, and could sort it rapido, although as she knows where to go I think it would be fine!)

I can bring DDog to meet the friends at home, but I must stay.

We can go to a cafe or country pub local to Dsis and friends, and I will buy everyone a drink and we can all chill there. (Friends of mine and dh’s run both the cafe and pub with me having previously worked in the cafe and DH in the pub, so we are a bit like old furniture and have popped in a few times with the dog, so she knows what’s what.)

D sis has just sent me this message in response

“You’re really selfish bam, I can’t believe you won’t let me take puppychic out to x y z’s House. You’re really letting everyone down. Don’t expect me to give you your tyre pump or your black dress back, I’m taking them to the tip. Fuck off”

Pretty sure IANBU. But good grief. Teenagers!!

Windowsareforcheaters Sun 03-Mar-19 11:56:18

Inexcusable.

I don't care how old she is. Being a teenager is no excuse and she is hardly a 13 year old struggling with new emotions.

I would tell her in no uncertain terms exactly how rude she is.

ltk Sun 03-Mar-19 11:57:06

Your puppy is not a toy or accessory to show off to friends, as you seem to understand but ds does not
And after that last message, I would not let her have anything.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Sun 03-Mar-19 11:58:03

ooh dear isn't she a one!

I'd message back somethng sarky begging her not to tip the tyre pump what with you being such a let down and all ....too full of the cold to think of anything witty

and YADNBU...what a brat she is!

Confusedbeetle Sun 03-Mar-19 11:58:14

Just No. What a madam

Jokie Sun 03-Mar-19 11:59:55

I'd definitely tell her that her attitude is not acceptable. You gave a lot of options so id not be letting her off easy for that reply

user1483387154 Sun 03-Mar-19 12:01:04

She needs to grow up

Bamchic Sun 03-Mar-19 12:04:37

Thanks all.
I was sure she was being a brat. But you know that wave of “what the hell this is so ridiculous” that makes you doubt yourself 🤷‍♀️😂

Bamchic Sun 03-Mar-19 12:07:13

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours the tyre pump is our dads... I think she’s forgotten that I only borrowed it for my MOT when I hurt my knee at netball! It’s one of those electric ones and iirc it cost him about 80 quid. I’m sure he’d be chuffed if she binned it!

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Sun 03-Mar-19 12:08:15

The message, for me, would totally confirm you've made the right decision. She sounds 18 going on 8!
I'd also be withdrawing the options/solutions meantime - at least until after she's returned the property she's borrowed.
I'd be particularly concerned, as pup not had all vaccinations + she sounds very immature, that she'd be taking it out - probably to local park, and letting it run about.

diabeticsanon Sun 03-Mar-19 12:08:34

dd will get over it, let her sulk.

altiara Sun 03-Mar-19 12:08:38

I’d remind her that she’s supposed to be adult at 18.
I don’t think I’d have contact until she apologised properly including remembering that puppy is not a toy but a living creature.
And I’d never lend her anything again even when she’s 30.

Berthatydfil Sun 03-Mar-19 12:09:38

Its a concern that she’s threatening to trash your possessions as a result of your saying no to her.
Are these items expensive or precious to you?
It’s clear she’s got no respect for you or your possessions.
I’m afraid I wouldn’t leave her alone with him even at your dms.
Your puppy is a baby animal not a possession to be shown off to all and sundry.

Pennydreadful86 Sun 03-Mar-19 12:10:50

Terrible!
At 18 I would never have dreamed of talking to anyone like that.
How embarrassing

Luckingfovely Sun 03-Mar-19 12:16:43

She is being an entitled brat, that is appalling behaviour.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Sun 03-Mar-19 12:16:47

i'd message your dad to give him the heads up then, hopefully he can stop her in her tracks if she goes out

starabara Sun 03-Mar-19 12:17:15

“Gosh, and the frightening thing is that at your age you are legally considered mature enough to be an adult”.

And I’d leave it at that.

WhWt Sun 03-Mar-19 12:17:28

I am the same age (nearly) with a sister 10 years young also.

That’s not a “teenagers!!” response, that’s a vile spiteful bratty response.

I would be mortified if my sister spoke to anyone like that.

Starch Sun 03-Mar-19 12:20:40

To be honest, if people are bending over backwards to find her ‘solutions’ all the time, it’s no wonder she’s a brat.

The dog is not a toy, to be shown off. That was the answer.

weltenbummler Sun 03-Mar-19 12:20:57

"I will damage your possessions because you are not giving me exactly what I want when I want it" - very immature reaction for an 18 year old - too immature for you to trust her with your belongings in future, let alone with a living creature

Bamchic Sun 03-Mar-19 12:23:30

Quite what I was thinking re, the walking and being out and about, and why I suggested she do it with me or mum about, somewhere we and the dog know. With regard to the stuff Luckily, the property isn’t hugely sentimental to me. But the tire pump was expensive, and isn’t mine! The dress was a charity shop jobby in all black I bought about eight years ago when I had an evening job in weatherspoons whilst I was at uni. But still - don’t trash peoples stuff when you don’t get your way.

I might mention it to mum though, I see her for a coffee every Sunday at four. So might just ask how d sis is doing generally.
She’s got PCOS, and has had horrendous moodswings during her time of the month a good few years ago, but these haven’t been present for years. I remember coming and living back at home for a year whilst we saved for the house when I was 22/23 and when she was on (once every 2/3 months) she was absolutely horrific, and it totally consumed her. She’s a grade a prefect at school, and then bam she was excluded for calling a teacher a stuck up wanker and threatening a lad.
It’s really rare, hasn’t happend for yonks and I thought mum and dad were having family and her own therapy but I’m not sure where they’re at with that.

It is generally really out of character though. Hoping for an apology any minute..

Bamchic Sun 03-Mar-19 12:25:16

But maybe I’m just making excuses for her being an asshole?
I’ve just sent starabara ‘s response

lilabet2 Sun 03-Mar-19 12:27:17

Wow! She sounds like a toddler.

You don't need to do anything to enable her friends to meet your puppy! You have obviously tried really hard to enable that to happen and she's still reacting in an irrationally aggressive way. She's 18, not 8.

Your puppy is tiny and only just old enough to be away from her mother. If she's also not fully vaccinated then it's risky to her health to be put on the ground/carpet in unfamiliar places. Send the message that she sent to your parents, along with an explanation that your tiny puppy is at risk from serious disease until fully vaccinated.

pictish Sun 03-Mar-19 12:27:36

“DSis, puppy is my dog not yours. Puppy hasn’t had his inoculations and is still very new to all of us so it’s a no. Your message was very rude.”

pictish Sun 03-Mar-19 12:29:07

Oh no...did you? You’ve just lowered yourself to her level with a counter attack and petty insults, rather than calmly assume the upper hand.
Oh well.

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