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What do you do if one child is grounded but other isn't?

(252 Posts)
Fullofregrets33 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:00:56

Morning. I am having a really rubbish weekend. My husband has grounded our son who is 7 for the weekend he has to play in his room and can't join us on visiting relatives, going the park, out for lunch etc.

Aibu to be really pissed off about this? Our kids are still young and I'm still getting to grips about what I think are suitable punishments for things. I think my husband has been too harsh this time and it has really spoilt our whole weekend as a family.

My husband and I have fallen out over it and aren't speaking to theres a horrible atmosphere in the house, the dog is crying and pacing up and down constantly because my son is his playmate and they are separated.
My daughter now has noone to play with so she's playing up. We usually see grandparents, just me and daughter went so they were upset to not see my son. And now got another day of it. One parent staying home whilst the other takes daughter out.
It has made the family really disjointed and the weekend has been just horrible. I feel like all of us are being punished, not just my son.
My husband and I disagree over almost everything, and I am far too soft but I just want this weekend to be over

EleanorLavish Sun 03-Mar-19 08:03:01

That is a really severe punishment, what did he do?
It has also punished everyone else so isn’t really fitting, IMO.

SprogletsMum Sun 03-Mar-19 08:03:12

What did he do? Kill somebody?
7 is really young to be sent to your room for a whole weekend. I send my 7 year old to her room when she's naughty but usually the longest would be an hour or so and I know full well that she's watching a film. Your ds must be feeling really distressed.

Butchyrestingface Sun 03-Mar-19 08:04:06

Is your son confined to his room or can he access the rest of the house? What did he do?

Probably more concerning is the fact that you and your husband disagree on everything.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:04:45

That’s way to harsh, a whole weekend? What did he do?

Harrykanesrightsock Sun 03-Mar-19 08:05:22

We would never issue a punishment that punished anyone but the child. So grounding is out as no one is happy in this situation. Not helpful now to you but as it was your DP who did the grounding he should be the one to stay home.

wanderings Sun 03-Mar-19 08:05:42

Blimey, 7yo grounded for the whole weekend, and practically in solitary confinement? What offence did the boy commit to deserve this?

pinkdelight Sun 03-Mar-19 08:05:54

Seven is way too young to be grounding, esp for a whole weekend. Grounding is a teenage thing. You aren't too soft, your DH is way OTT and you need to stand up to him for your dc sake. A 7yo should only need a telling off and explanation to understand and apologise, or make him help you with chores or something. At most you could not do a fun thing that was planned, but confining them to their room for more than a short while to 'have a think' is too much.

User12879923378 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:06:48

Grounded doesn't mean shut in a bedroom for a weekend usually, does it? It's a punishment for older kids to make them stay in and behave or do their homework. I think your son's far too young for that. But also... he can't even see the dog? Really?
Totally over the top before you even get to the effect on everyone else, I think.

MakeItRain Sun 03-Mar-19 08:08:13

I thought "grounding" was usually aimed at much older children. Sending a 7 year old to his room for a whole weekend is a ridiculous punishment. I think you need to talk this through with your OH. I wouldn't be able to support that decision. The fact that you're going along with it, despite disagreeing with it and seeing it impact on the whole family suggests a worrying dynamic in your relationship. What's your OH like generally?

Soontobe60 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:09:20

I agree, a weekend in his room is far too severe, verging on neglect! My first thought was what has he done, but actually whatever it is is irrelevant. It's just too long.
You need to tell your DH that one day is enough ( although that's still very long) and that he is coming out of his room today. You have to be your sons champion, and if his father is punishing him too severely it's your job to stick up for him.

Goodadvice1980 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:09:30

What exactly did your son do OP?

I cannot understand why you have passively stood back and allowed your "D"H to inflict this behaviour on the whole family this weekend? Why did you not just take your son out with you yesterday if you considered the punishment was too harsh?

Is your "D"H one of those types who feel they rule the household and their word is law?

Your son is probably hurt and confused by this punishment.

BlueBuilding Sun 03-Mar-19 08:10:36

Your poor son! I bet he is feeling so sad and anxious.

Another one desperate to find out what crime he has committed.

teyem Sun 03-Mar-19 08:10:58

A whole weekend, alone in his room? Is that right?

BlueBuilding Sun 03-Mar-19 08:11:48

Please go and get your son out of his room. Honestly enough is enough.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Sun 03-Mar-19 08:12:17

Agree with PP this is disproportionate for his age, grounding is for teenagers. Take him out with you and DD today

lyralalala Sun 03-Mar-19 08:12:29

Being grounded has never meant not visiting relatives or going out for lunch/dinner in my house. If you are grounded then you don't get to play out with your mates. That's it. Not a weird solitary confinement.

Not taking a child to visit grandparents as a punishment is ridiculous imo. Punishments are meant to punish a wrongdoing, not an entire family.

Dermymc Sun 03-Mar-19 08:13:03

What did he do?

Your husband sounds like a bully.

LL83 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:13:14

To me grounded means you aren't allowed out to play, and if really bad no electronics either.

If your son doesn't get out to play then there is no point grounding him as while family suffer.
Also weekend is far too long, morning/afternoon and still allowed to play with sister just not go out to play.

Did husband snap and blurt it out without thinking it through? If so talk it through for next time. What could he confiscate that would punish child yet not ruin whole weekend for family.

teyem Sun 03-Mar-19 08:13:45

Even when you ground teenagers it is to curtail their freedom outside the home, it's not solitary confinement.

LynetteScavo Sun 03-Mar-19 08:13:47

Is it just me who is thinking making a child spend an entire weekend alone in their room is abusive?

I'd tell my DH he was being a dick and tell my 7yo I was taking him out.

I can't imagine what a 7yo could do that would mean he needed to spend more than half an hour in his room (an hour tops if I was really cross to give me time to calm down).

BigSandyBalls2015 Sun 03-Mar-19 08:15:32

Blimey I’m another one who is interested in what the kid did to deserve this!

BiscuitDrama Sun 03-Mar-19 08:17:34

He has to stay in his room for the whole weekend? That’s a very severe punishment.

teyem Sun 03-Mar-19 08:17:41

No, I think it is emotionally abusive too.

CherryPavlova Sun 03-Mar-19 08:18:17

It does feel like your husband has cut off his nose to spite his face. I’m wondering whether the punishment fits the crime too? What’s done is done and you can’t overtly undermine your husband but I’m thinking I might allow him to follow it through by being the one who stays home for the weekend to oversee the punishment he used.
Then I’d have a discussion about positive parenting and minimising the need for heavy sanctions with a pre-agreed sanction list.

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