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Suffering and getting no affection.

(13 Posts)
mammy0f0ne Sun 03-Mar-19 00:49:41

So I was diagnosed with depression a couple of days ago after seeking help as my son deserved that.

My partner is not affectionate towards me in the bedroom blush
I feel this does not help with the depression, as soon as we're in bed he turns his back to me, won't even give me a cuddle or a kiss.

Aibu to crave his affection?!?

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sun 03-Mar-19 00:53:15

Have you spoken to him about it?

mammy0f0ne Sun 03-Mar-19 00:55:04

He just brushes it off and says he's tired.

FissionChip5 Sun 03-Mar-19 00:57:03

Might be suffering stress from dealing with your depression.

Is he affectionate in other ways?

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sun 03-Mar-19 00:57:09

Will he kiss and cuddle you before bed?

mammy0f0ne Sun 03-Mar-19 00:59:52

To be honest I don't really talk to him about my feelings he's not very sympathetic. He had no idea about the depression until I came home from the doctors on Wednesday.

He holds my hand sitting on the sofa and sometimes puts his arm around me but that's about it. This has only started since November time and it's really starting to upset me further

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 03-Mar-19 01:12:00

It’s only Saturday, he’s probably not sure what’s going on if it’s so recent and you haven’t really told him how you feel.

Your depression and the lack of sex aren’t necessarily connected, unless you’re saying you’re depressed because he’s not having sex with you? What did the doctor say? Are you receiving help or treatment?

You know how you’ve been feeling and good on you for seeing your doctor but if this is the first your partner has heard of any of it he might be coming to terms with it still and thinks the last thing he should be doing is expecting a shag.

mammy0f0ne Sun 03-Mar-19 01:17:30

Sorry Anne, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. I'm not "after a shag" I want him to give me a cuddle and a kiss and tell me he loves me. Not to just roll over and go to sleep.

I've been referred to counselling from the doctor as I didn't want drugs if I didn't need them, praying I won't.

Ce7913 Sun 03-Mar-19 01:23:59

It sounds like he's checked out, for whatever reason.

He could be stressed, he could have his own underlying medical/hormonal condition that he's as yet unaware of, or just going through a low point for other reasons, e.g. work, legal issues, not practising self-care, sleep issues etc.

If you've recently been having a lot of arguments, etc., he could feel disconnected because of that.

Or he could be having an affair, or just plain indifferent and thinking about ending the relationship.

The only way you'll know is if you sit down with no distractions and open a dialogue.

There's no guarantee that you'll get a considered or honest answer from him, but you can only try.

I will say that the fact he had no idea whatsoever that you were depressed doesn't exactly speak volumes about him as a partner.

And the immediate physical blocking of affection upon getting into bed is never a good sign, especially as it's a change in behaviour that's now lasted months.

Perhaps you're depressed, in part at least, because you have an indifferent, emotionally unavailable partner who doesn't support you through your medical difficulties.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 03-Mar-19 01:51:07

I said he wouldn’t be expecting a shag, not you.

Iflyaway Sun 03-Mar-19 02:04:43

I think Ce7913's last paragraph is spot on.

It's very cold of him OP to treat you like this.

You would not ignore your partner if they had broken a leg for instance...
Why apply a different attitude to a mental health situation?

Good to hear you're going for counselling.

sandgrown Sun 03-Mar-19 07:44:53

My partner has suffered for years with depression. The medication has lessened his interest in sex but his mood swings and general negativity make it hard to be affectionate to him. His counsellor has told him to ask for cuddles but it's hard to cuddle someone who has been nasty to you.
I am not saying this is typical of your behaviour OP but something to consider .

swingofthings Sun 03-Mar-19 07:54:29

Living with someone who suffers from depression is hard, very hard. They dumpen you move so you yourself stsrt feeling low. You start questioning whether it's your fault and battle with guilt. You are worried of the impa t on your relationship, the future, so you feel anxious. You feel guilty if suddenly you do something that makes you happy. You might also be shattered from the extra responsibilities you pick up and you might be angry with the situation. Ultimately it can be hard to love someone who has stopped loving themselves.

It's hard to give when you are yourself affected by something you have no control over. I hope counselling will help and gradually you can start feeling a bit happier and in return your partner will stsrt feeling closer to you too.

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