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To bring your child?

(60 Posts)
Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 20:22:48

DH and I have been invited away for this weekend with his DB and DSIL, (no kids) as a surprise for her birthday. Plan is to surprise her at dinner and to come for part of the weekend - not all. Resort is beach based but definitely aimed at an adult crowd. Beautiful bars etc. DH said yesterday ... oh I've asked DS if he wants to come (to which I was a bit hmm)quickly followed by oh don't worry he won't want to, but I wanted him to know he was included.
My point was he hasn't asked his DB if that's ok, as if DS says he wants to come then it completely changes the dynamic of the weekend for DSIL/DB, who the Occassion is all about. There is only so many long lunches, nice bars you can go to with a grumpy teen in tow. DH would end up doing his own this with DS, missing the point of the weekend with DB and DSIL. Plus it would mean missing a day of school. Am I being a wicked step mum ? Or is this an unreasonable path of thinking for DH?

daisypond Sat 02-Mar-19 20:25:37

He's unreasonable. At best he needed to have asked his DB first.

dragonsfire Sat 02-Mar-19 20:26:36

Erm yeah not on!

MamaWeasel Sat 02-Mar-19 20:27:38

Yanbu

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Sat 02-Mar-19 20:30:40

Your dh is a knob!!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sat 02-Mar-19 20:33:14

How old is he?

Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 20:37:12

13

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Sat 02-Mar-19 20:39:26

An under age dc would totally change the dynamics of the week end.
And totally piss me off if I was also invited tbh!

MsPavlichenko Sat 02-Mar-19 20:41:35

But he's not included is he? And that's reasonable. Just as it will be reasonable for him to do things with his friends without his Dad being invited. Or with his Dad without you and so on.

BlueSkiesLies Sat 02-Mar-19 20:45:19

“I wanted him to feel included” but he’s not fucking included you fuck wit!

Birdsgottafly Sat 02-Mar-19 20:45:31

It was, but as its his Brother, best just to make the point once and leave it.

If DSS says yes, then he sorts it.

It will change and spoil your time there.

Was it on his contact weekend?

Leeds2 Sat 02-Mar-19 20:48:08

If I were DB/SIL. I would be really pissed off if a 13 year old turned up for what was clearly meant to be an adults only event. Can DS stay with his mum? Or will OH find somewhere else for him to stay?

Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 20:52:16

It's not our weekend. I'm pissed off to as if I was DSIL I would be livid. Whole conversation changes when a child is there. All of a sudden a nightcap is out of the question etc.
I might just book the hotel, as DH said he probably won't come anyway .....

BlimeyCalmDown Sat 02-Mar-19 20:53:51

I'd be pissed off, he should have asked first

Missingstreetlife Sat 02-Mar-19 21:05:33

Wanker. What is the matter with these parent who let guilt motivate everything

Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 21:05:54

Do I book the hotel or leave it for DH to sort?

AcrossthePond55 Sat 02-Mar-19 21:09:42

oh I've asked DS if he wants to come (to which I was a bit hmm)quickly followed by oh don't worry he won't want to,

If he's already asked, why is he saying 'he won't want to come'. Didn't DS tell him yes or no when his dad asked him?

My advice is to stay out of it! Other than to say (if DS says yes) that your DH needs to call his brother right away and let him know that there will be 'one extra'. Then let the two of them fight it out!

Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 21:13:34

@AcrossthePond55 DH said it wasn't a no, but not a yes either. DSS asked what the reason for the weekend was, what would we be doing to what DH replied hanging out on the beach, going out for meals - you and I could play a bit of footie. But he was non committal if he 100% wanted to come.

Bringbackthestripes Sat 02-Mar-19 21:19:54

Leave it for DH to book. It’s his choice to invite DS and if he says he wants to come, and if he rocks up with DS, then it’s down to him to entertain him.

But I totally agree it was NOT his choice to invite him which is why YOU have to have nothing to do with the accommodation arrangements etc so no one can-even 7 years down the line say “ hey remember when...”

CalmdownJanet Sat 02-Mar-19 21:20:34

Oh for fuck sake, this can't happen. If he says yes you absolutely have to cancel, your dh is a complete selfish twat. I would be livid if I were them but I would 100% tell you to fuck off to another hotel

HollowTalk Sat 02-Mar-19 21:33:58

I think a child would automatically say 'yes' to something like this even if they were likely to end up bored and fed up. He was an idiot to ask him - it's normal to have a weekend just for adult and he shouldn't have played the Disney Dad.

Fieldwork Sat 02-Mar-19 21:36:23

Ok glad I'm not being bonkers. DBIL has teenagers and DSIL has grown up kids. None of them are coming. DBIL bought this trip as birthday gift for DSIL and pulled me aside to say - I want to surprise her and for us all to be there, we've not had time just the 4 of us in forever! I mentioned it to DH and he was keen. Got a reminder from DBIL today as he'd seen a nice place for dinner, that do a tasting menu. He was checking we were still keen and if he was ok to book dinner. Reminded DH and he said - oh yes we'll book tonight. Then came back from seeing DSS this afternoon and that's when he told me he 'included him' - agree if he turns around and says yes. DH will need to take him away another weekend as he can't bring him to this, it's not fair ......

ReanimatedSGB Sat 02-Mar-19 21:49:02

Is your H normally this much of a self-obsessed prick? He's basically playing Disney dad with his son at the expense of everyone else: the other adults in the party are going to feel obliged to accept the teenager joining them - and no doubt help entertain him - just so your H can look like the kindest, most generous parent out of the four of you. And it will probably be you, OP, and your SIL, who are expected to mind the teen in the evenings while your H goes out drinking...

drinkygin Sat 02-Mar-19 21:51:22

Your DH is a selfish arsehole. I’d be furious if I was your BIL.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 03-Mar-19 01:36:32

Got it! @Fieldwork

I agree, it's never fair or right to 'inflict' a child (or a teen) into what is supposed to be an adults only event. In fact, it's not right to invite anyone (adult or child) to an event someone has invited one to!

Personally, I think DSS is noncommittal until he finds out if there's something better on offer from his mates or whoever. Because the very last thing I would have wanted to do at 13 would have been to hang with my parents and aunts & uncles, no matter what they were planning to do! Do you think DSS is under the impression that the other teen cousins are going?

So, is DH going to call DBIL and inform him that there may be one additional member of the party? After all, if he has to do a booking, he'll need to tell the restaurant how many will be attending! I'd encourage DH to call DBiL right away!!! (tongue in cheek)

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