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Please comment if you are Unhappily married

(4 Posts)
Fullofregrets33 Sat 02-Mar-19 16:39:50

Hi everyone. If you are unhappily married for whatever reason can you please comment with your coping tips and how you get through each day?

AIBU for staying in an unhappy marriage? Yes I am. But I am staying in this marriage for financial security for my kids, having a present male and female figure, and because I cannot bare the thought of being away from my children if we had shared custody. Don't want them having a step parent whilst they are young, (2 kids under 10). Don't want to miss Xmas, birthdays, Easter etc if they are staying with the other parent. Selfish maybe but that is how it is for me. I plan to stay until they are teenagers and more independent then leave.i don't care that I could be missing out on the love of my life, I intend to remain single until my dying day. I am never being tied to a man again and I would never live with one.

Im pretty sure my husband is aware of this as we are quite open with each other that we are unhappy. He's unhappy. I'm unhappy. But neither of us want to be away from the kids.

My son has adhd and is very intense and has school problems. This is basically the catalyst for our dislike for each other as we have different views about how son should be managed/punished /treated etc.

I go through ups and downs of how I feel in the marriage but at the moment I feel very low. I cannot stand him. We bickering and arguing over everything. How can I get through this so I can feel more positive? I really couldn't care less if I never saw him again.

Ive got at least 15 years to get through get and I really don't want to feel so much hatred for him every day, I don't want to feel so angry, and trapped and jealous of others. How can I make what I have more bareable?

Fullofregrets33 Sat 02-Mar-19 17:53:53


Fullofregrets33 Sat 02-Mar-19 18:02:21

I am unhappily married and I'd say my husband would feel that way too.
I do love him. He gave me my children and we have been together since we were 18. We are now mid 30s. Have been together for 18 years!! So I have only ever known him! He is a good man, he provides for us, he loves us, he's not violent, there's a lot of good.
But I am unhappily married because we are both different people now. We were essentially kids when we got together.we are no longer a good fit, we don't make each other happy, we don't fancy each other, we don't like each other most of the time. We don't have any shared interests. We are completely opposite in every single way.

llamalana Mon 04-Mar-19 23:08:35

Hello I have been unhappy in my marriage for at least the last three years. We are attending counselling at the moment as I similarly have small children and so we are working on our issues. Is this an option for you? We are doing Emotionally Focused Therapy and must be about ten sessions in jointly with several one on ones also. We are both learning a lot about ourselves and also eachother. Can I just say one thing that has really spurred us to really be working hard at this...we role model 'normal' to our children. So they are picking things up from us that they may accept/repeat in their own future relationships. Hearing that was enough for us to be determined to break the cycle of some of the things that were going on currently in our marriage. Good luck OP. Its definitely one of the hardest things ever and I have really hit rock bottom a few times.

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