To advise my daughter to marry rich.(309 Posts)
Ok hear me out.
I will be advising my daughters to look at a person's job and prospects and to really think about what life will look like with someone in a poorly paid career/ job.
Im not saying that this is the main focus- not at all. Merely it is something to definitely think strong and hard about.
Looking at all my friends and family. The ones that are financially well off and have a lot more life choices for themselves and a better quality of life for their kids too have married men who have very good jobs. They themselves are mostly in mediocre jobs and a few of them have never even worked.
Advise her to stand on her own two feet, earn her own money and marry for love. You can marry someone for money but if she's not happy it won't last and she won't know how to stand on her own two feet. Plus a marriage is a partnership not about 1 person being the earner to pay the bills it's about working together, supporting each other. Teach her to love for the person not what they can provide. Her being happy is all that matters and very often high earners work hard and long hours and aren't around alot so they can provide material items but not their time. Not always but often. Teach her independence not to be dependant
Or you can just get lucky.
Was on 6 figs when I met DH nearly 30 years ago. DH was on a pittance but we married for love. DH had good prospects though, well educated, same race, religion and politics. Had a marvellpus time as a SAHM for 8 years. By the time DH was on approaching 7 figs some years I was back at work. Because I like my own money in my own pocket. I started at the bottom and retrained - part time at first £7k pa. All those SAmHs who are now divorced, oh how they laughed and told me I was belittling myself. On 6 figs again now, still married. Even if I wasn't I've a career and more importantly will have 2/3 of a good occy pension if I retire at 65. Pretty sure going back to work made pur marriage stronger tbh.
According to the results of surveys about happiness levels, you should encourage her to remain single but with a few close friendships, and to not have any children.
I knew a guy, a terrible person, whose wife divorced him. She admitted she married him initially for his money. She had a nice car, a beautiful house, a vacation home, a housekeeper, a pool, the credit card, and didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to. But he was abusive. Not physically as far as I knew, but he was verbally abusive, sexist, racist, and a master of manipulation and gaslighting (I’d seen him in action, so I know).
Once the children left home, there were no barriers between the two, and he treated her worse than ever. Eventually the luxury car and the house and the credit card weren’t enough to justify her sticking around and being abused, so she filed for divorce. Lucky for her, she was smart and kept her foot in the door, work-wise, so she had no trouble finding a good job.
OP hasn't mentioned not being interested in her daughter having education or being financially independent, so why some posters are jumping on that I don't know.
I agree OP. Not so much with marrying 'rich' but definitely, no broke or unambitious men.
& No lazies who can't or don't want to do and help with housework. Have you seen the Relationships board, choc-full with stories about men who won't lift a finger at home, and how despairing of this their tired wives are?
I will not promote that 'love is all', or that there is anything remotely romantic about struggle love.
Financially stable, and sensible with money is about right. & Kindness alongside as any relationship with an unkind man is dead in the water, no matter what the circumstances.
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