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AIBU to think this isn't normal?

(5 Posts)
wondering24 Fri 01-Mar-19 21:09:52

AIBU to wonder if other's marriages are like this...,?

My DH have been together 10.5 years, married for 5. It was clear on getting together than our libidos aren't quite in synch. I'd happily have sex 3,4,5 times a week, whereas he's a more 'once a fortnight' or more type. We have great sex when it does happen.

What my question is that I don't feel I can instigate sex, I can't give him an amorous kiss or 'feel him up' without him looking at me weird or pushing me off. Whereas he'll do exactly that if he wants sex. If I'm in the mood, I feel I have to ask, which makes me feel like a twat and takes all the romance/spontaneity out of it.

It's not a control thing, as he's super laid back and doesn't attempt to control anything in my life- apart from maybe the TV 😂.

I can't help but feel this is weird. I've mentioned it to him and he laughed it off and said it's not true, but that's absolutely what happens. We haven't had sex in over 2 weeks and I don't want to have to ask for it, but at the same time I feel he laughs off my advances.

Is this normal? That one person 'controls' the sexy time? Any advice or comments welcome 😁

GnomeDePlume Fri 01-Mar-19 21:20:34

This has often struck me about mismatched libidos. The person with the lower libido gets to choose but the person with the higher libido just has to be 'up for it' whenever the person with the lower libido wants.

Not sure this helps!

BertieBotts Fri 01-Mar-19 21:27:40

I think it's pretty typical when you're mismatched sexually but it doesn't mean it is normal or healthy. If you're not happy with it, it's an issue.

Fiveredbricks Fri 01-Mar-19 21:36:52

You need to talk and he needs to listen before it becomes a dealbreaker.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty Fri 01-Mar-19 22:41:18

In all my experience, its been the other person with the higher sex drive cajoling me til I give in.

I'm in your position OP, and have had one short and not fulfilling sex sesh in feb. One in jan and two or three times in december.

He has self esteem issues but just doesnt seem to have a drive anymore. He never had a huge drive but i have to instigate it, AND put the work in but if he went on top he would flatten me, he is so badly overweight and heavy

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