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Annoying SIL

(73 Posts)
Kinaslina86 Fri 01-Mar-19 16:38:11

Here it goes. Sorry it may be a long one blush

When my SIL found out i was pregnant (we have told everyone when i was 3 months) she wasn't happy as she thought she would be the first one to have a baby. She is younger than me by 7 years and she is with her former boyfriend around a year my partner and i are together for 4 years. We weren't really trying but thought if it happens then it happens.
The whole course of pregnancy not even once she asked how was i feeling or was i alright. Her BF asked few times and made an effort but she just ignored me most of the time and didn't bother with me. We all live together with PIL, BIL, SIL and her BF as its a big house.
I gave birth to a DS and he is 6 months old now and she thinks she has a right to him. The first picture ever of DS she posted online without asking me or my partner. I think as a parents we have a right to do it first if we wish to she did not ask if we mind or anything i was absolutely fuming!!!!angryangry
Shes one of them that "knows everything" about babies and how to care for them despite the fact she hasn’t got any and looking after someone else’s kids isn’t the same.
She calls him "my boy" "how is my boy?" or "where is my boy?" when she knows exactly we call him that and it really annoy me and i have told her that he is my boy not hers but she keeps calling him like that just out of spite.
When she has friends round she demands brining him for them to see him even tho we do not know them. She doesn't ask she actually demands and send text after text saying "Bring him so ZZX can see him" so we just ignore her but i have told my DP to sort her out as her behaviour frustrates me.
My DP works away so he only sees LO over the weekends and Friday if he manages to finish early. So Saturday and Sunday i would like to have a family time with LO na DP buuuut nooo Saturday morning or Sunday morning she comes to our room wanting to see DS.
She is an auntie and not a mother to my LO. When she holds him i feel like i cant get him back from her because she makes it just awkward and she passes him to everyone like a bloody parcel.
Its my first baby i know i may be overprotective but AIBU?

I understand she may be excited and whatever but to have a relationship with LO she has to have relationship with me and her DB but we just don’t get on because she is spiteful, two faced and just not a nice person.
Whyy would i let her see him when she did not bother about me when i was pregnant.

Sorry for a long post i think i needed to bent as well as my partner is sick of me complaining about her ahha

Ghanagirl Fri 01-Mar-19 17:51:50

Sounds like an awful set up.
Don’t you have any friends or family that you can spend time with when DH is away?

RelaisBlu Fri 01-Mar-19 18:59:15

Now you are a family you need your own space. Move out.

Kinaslina86 Fri 01-Mar-19 19:02:14

Thank you everyone who reply.
I know we have to move out and i have said that to DP few time and you are right there is always some kind of excuse.
The house isn't ours but we all live together to actually help PIL and not other way round lime everyone else thinks.

burritofan Fri 01-Mar-19 19:03:51

* But i would just feel rude locking myself in and ignoring when she is knocking.*

So you haven't set any boundaries, or enforced them. Yes, she sounds annoying and rude and yes, you should move out. But you should also use your words – and your hands, to lock the door! – and tell her how it's going to be: please don't knock on our door before X o'clock. Please don't come into our bedroom. No, we won't bring DS down to meet your friends. Etc.

Kinaslina86 Fri 01-Mar-19 19:05:39

LO needs a routine so going to stay with friends or family for a week and be back on the weekend would just disturbed him.

Hairyporker Fri 01-Mar-19 19:06:44

Are you all 14?

Hollowvictory Fri 01-Mar-19 19:07:33

The answer is blindingly obvious...

Kinaslina86 Fri 01-Mar-19 19:14:12

@burritofan
I just don't like confrontations and because its DP sister i asked him tell her to stop demanding stuff and start respecting our privacy because if that would be my DB or DM I would of told them straight away. So probably i will have to say something as nothing will change.
She just has a big mouth she will talk over me and i am not a fast thinker i alway think of things that i should of said afterwards blush

pocketdelia Fri 01-Mar-19 19:16:23

Move into your own family home in the country. He can see the chickens and grandparents for visits.

TooManyPaws Fri 01-Mar-19 19:17:05

Do what my farm neighbours did and get a static caravan so you have your own small family residence. More privacy (they put theirs in an orchard) but still close to help out.

CalmdownJanet Fri 01-Mar-19 19:42:47

This is one of those threads where I would love to hear the sils version.

Kinaslina86 Sat 02-Mar-19 08:40:34

Her side of story would be probably different. I am not a nasty person and i don't do anything until provoked. I am putting up with her behaviour for 6 months now so i don't know why i am being called spiteful.

SnuggyBuggy Sat 02-Mar-19 08:43:05

Do you really want this for your child? It may be a nice lifestyle but growing up in a dysfunctional family isn't what most people aspire to.

pelirocco123 Sat 02-Mar-19 08:45:42

You are effectively living in an extended family unit' as such you will be more involved in each other's life's .You really need to move out and start living as adults

ThanosSavedMe Sat 02-Mar-19 08:46:08

What do you really think is better for your son in the future. Living in a fam with space, lambs, geese and fresh air. Or a happy mum?

Stop making excuses, move out and get your own space. You sil is not going to change.

ThanosSavedMe Sat 02-Mar-19 08:47:55

Hit send too soon.

There is not going to be a lightbulb moment when she suddenly realises that what she is doing is unreasonable and she should respect you. If your dp was going to do something, he’d have done it by now.

adulthumanwolf Sat 02-Mar-19 08:48:00

You need to move out.

JenniferJareau Sat 02-Mar-19 08:49:37

I am putting up with her behaviour for 6 months now so i don't know why i am being called spiteful.

Because you didn't initially set any boundaries. You let her get away with this behaviour for 6 months letting her believe it is normal and of course she is going to bite back now you are saying it's not ok.

You need to move out. I can't believe that your PIL need all of you living there.

PersonaNonGarter Sat 02-Mar-19 08:50:34

How old are you all? Ridiculous. Move out, problem solved.

Whatsnewpussyhat Sat 02-Mar-19 08:52:22

Ffs MOVE OUT!!

SomeDayPerhaps Sat 02-Mar-19 09:04:26

It's very common for certain cultures to all live together in one big house maybe the OP is in that situation

popsadaisy Sat 02-Mar-19 09:05:20

You aren't spiteful at all, people are getting far too emotive about your situation to start name calling. Ignore them, their issues not yours. My advice would be like everyone else's and to move out if possible and your LO can have all the lovely countryside experiences you describe when he visits his GPs smile
If you are not in a position to move out then I would sit your SIL down and as nicely as possible put your boundaries down, try and do it in a way that she can't attack you. Make her feel sorry for you if you have to and almost 'befriend' her so that she would hopefully start to respect you enough to keep to your boundaries. Good luck, she sounds like a nightmare.

pictish Sat 02-Mar-19 09:24:32

She sounds like a self-important, competitive, overbearing horror.
She is plenty reason enough to move out.

Wakk Sat 02-Mar-19 09:26:17

I think it's nice she wants to spend time with him.

Isth Sat 02-Mar-19 09:32:08

Are you all particularly young? This is farcical, grow up and move out.

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