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Is it possible H was married/ had family before me?

(354 Posts)
womaninatightspot Fri 01-Mar-19 12:08:00

Already separating but he was abusive (verbal gaslighting etc.). Suspect having proof he's a liar would be good for my mental health. Found a birth certificate among his papers from before we were married. His name listed as father and informant (so would have to be married to mother right?) Same surname as the mother.

It is a common name and he's from a large family who I've never met so can't ask them (I know major red flag territory.) Can I use this to search for a marriage certificate and confirm the date of birth and know for sure. We are married and declared no previous marriages when filling out wedding licence application. Do they double check these things?

Would rather him not know I know if that makes sense. I don't want to confront him.

1Rose19 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:49:12

Any news hope your well

LongtimeLurkerNowPokemonHunter Mon 25-Mar-19 13:37:36

Thinking of you OP hope you got answers

AgathaF Thu 07-Mar-19 07:14:38

What a horrible and distressing mess to wade through.

Princessmushroom Thu 07-Mar-19 05:52:59

Hi OP, just wondering how you are and if you’ve managed to find out anything else. Been thinking of you x

LIZS Tue 05-Mar-19 21:43:23

Shorthaul/eu do not stamp passports.

LordVoldetort Tue 05-Mar-19 20:47:26

Do you have proof that he is actually abroad when he says he is op? Actual, real proof, not just booking tickets
Surely a quick look at the passport (depending on where he travels) will give you proof as they stamp the passport (I think, I haven’t been away for years)

Op, where did you find the certificate? Will he notice it gone?
Has he left the home (moved out)

Ideally you want to take a photocopy and return the original.
If he has moved out then you need to take steps to protect yourself if your unsure what hell be like if you report him.
Change the locks as a starter. What age are your kids? Are they of an age that they could/would let him into the house if he came round? If so this could be an issue.
Secondly, if you do find out he has commited bigamy then you could see if you can get traces put on your phones (where the police/999 know that you are in a potentially dangerous situation if you rung - I’m not sure if this is an actual thing but I’m sure my mum had it after she split with my dad)

Mmmmbrekkie Tue 05-Mar-19 19:29:06


Mmmmbrekkie Tue 05-Mar-19 19:28:42


*Not concidering I was trying to be helpful, have helped many adoptive children over the years successfully trace their birth parents*

How come? In what capacity? Your job?

UAEMum Tue 05-Mar-19 19:21:43

OP how are you doing?

CandleWithHair Tue 05-Mar-19 14:44:45

Oh god, of course it was blush

mummmy2017 Sun 03-Mar-19 12:22:18

I thought the man's mum was ill
So he was registared after a few weeks, causing the OP to wonder if this is her husband as this meant the records showed the wrong quarter for his birth.

RandomMess Sun 03-Mar-19 12:20:20

It was her MIL that was quite poorly?

CandleWithHair Sun 03-Mar-19 12:15:22

I have RTFT but I’m still confused as to how the OP seems to know that potential first wife was ‘quite poorly’ after the birth of the son?
I am full of cold, so it’s possible I’ve failed to comprehend something crucial here!

VelociraptorRex Sun 03-Mar-19 11:34:10

What @GoFiguire said - the OP needs our support, she needs professional legal assistance, and for us to help her think through things.

OP - how are you doing?

GoFiguire Sun 03-Mar-19 08:42:58

Stop arguing

whiteroseredrose Sun 03-Mar-19 08:13:03

You say that you are separating rather than separated. So he is still living with you. I'd echo what PP said. Keep this to yourself for now.

Happynow001 Sun 03-Mar-19 06:10:39

whatthenightbrings You seem totally wrapped up on the possibility of him being married previously but not yet divorced, and not at all concerned about the probability of him having two children you didn't know about.

The OP's primary concern and responsibility needs to be clarification of her own situation as someone possibly embroiled in a bigamist relationship and how that affects all aspects of her life, and that of her own children. She also needs to stay safe throughout all this. Also that she is not dragged into any legalities as being a possible accessory after the fact.

OP also join other PPs in strongly encouraging to get good legal assistance ASAP with as much information as you can.

Additionally to photocopy/take good photos of any supporting documents you find and store them to a cloud account/a separate passworded email address nobody else knows about. Ensure you log out of any accounts so you are the only person able to access them. Additionally when browsing online use the private browsing option wherever possible. Clear out any general browsing history after each session and empty out your online trash/waste basket after each session. Good luck and sorry you're going through this.

ColeHawlins Sun 03-Mar-19 02:16:05

OP said that the BC listed a maiden name.

To me it's fairly obvious that disbelieving her and throwing in a snotty exhortation to "Never assume. Always find the evidence." is far from "helpful".

You obviously have a different thinking style. So we'll have to agree to disagree.

ivykaty44 Sun 03-Mar-19 02:10:52

That’s your opinion

I was trying to share some information that I thought might be helpful for the research

ColeHawlins Sun 03-Mar-19 02:03:39

No @ivykaty44 .

What you were being was condescending and pompous ("Never assume, always find the evidence").

To an OP who is patently having an awful time (and quite clearly HAD read the BC she found, hence the thread).

ivykaty44 Sun 03-Mar-19 02:00:42

Not concidering I was trying to be helpful, have helped many adoptive children over the years successfully trace their birth parents and have seen it happen where on a birth certificate there are two former names - and as you know on the older style it doesn’t state which names are which

ColeHawlins Sun 03-Mar-19 01:56:04

* And what year did the birth certificate change? And what year was the birth certificate from? Birth certificates aren’t all the same.*


Feel a bit silly?

ivykaty44 Sun 03-Mar-19 01:54:59

And what year did the birth certificate change? And what year was the birth certificate from? Birth certificates aren’t all the same.

ColeHawlins Sun 03-Mar-19 01:54:49

Yes, that's the top of what we call a webpage @ivykaty44 you have to read the words and scroll to the correct country .

ivykaty44 Sun 03-Mar-19 01:53:12

This is what you linked to

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