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Is it possible H was married/ had family before me?

(354 Posts)
womaninatightspot Fri 01-Mar-19 12:08:00

Already separating but he was abusive (verbal gaslighting etc.). Suspect having proof he's a liar would be good for my mental health. Found a birth certificate among his papers from before we were married. His name listed as father and informant (so would have to be married to mother right?) Same surname as the mother.

It is a common name and he's from a large family who I've never met so can't ask them (I know major red flag territory.) Can I use this to search for a marriage certificate and confirm the date of birth and know for sure. We are married and declared no previous marriages when filling out wedding licence application. Do they double check these things?

Would rather him not know I know if that makes sense. I don't want to confront him.

NaToth Fri 01-Mar-19 13:01:37

Hopefully, you've taken a photo of the certificate on your phone ...

Fiveredbricks Fri 01-Mar-19 13:01:59

I'd search straight away OP

Fiveredbricks Fri 01-Mar-19 13:02:51

And keep hold of the certificate tbh or go and request a duplicate from the registry office.

Sardonicsnape Fri 01-Mar-19 13:06:23

friend - sign up for a free trial. Birth, marriage and death certs from years back.

Marriage, birth and death certificates are not available for people who are still living on ancestry.

Have you tried googling for birth announcements?

carrotflinger Fri 01-Mar-19 13:06:33

Sounds like he could have been married before - but he might have divorced. Not sure why he then didn't declare this when you married - maybe he had lost his divorce certificate or something. Maybe he just didn't want to tell you because he was too ashamed of the circumstances or something like that.
I'd mention it to your solicitor who is dealing with the divorce.

HollowTalk Fri 01-Mar-19 13:07:45

Look out for yourself.

Financially would you be better off if you weren't married to him? If he's been a sponger all his life and you've paid for everything, then I'd turn over every document in the UK to see whether he'd been married before.

If you would be worse off in terms of splitting money and pensions, then I would do the search but keep quiet about the results.

SummerInSun Fri 01-Mar-19 13:08:46

Anyone is entitled to apply for a copy of any birth, death or marriage certificate. The link has already been posted further up the thread, but again it's: https://www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate. That's the most reliable way to do it.

MakeItAmazing Fri 01-Mar-19 13:09:48

I have only read the OP so apologies if anyone else has said this but my concern for you is that if your marriage isn't legal you won't be entitled to financial award as you're not his wife. And much as it pisses me off how it always seems to be the wife, woman, mother, being awarded half the money - the man having to give it to her - instead of it an accepted normal thing that money really is shared money when married and no one gives the other anything, if you are not legally married …

MakeItAmazing Fri 01-Mar-19 13:12:06

WTF does Q mean ? hmm

LiveThisLife Fri 01-Mar-19 13:16:01

It absolutely sounds like he was married and has precious children. Definitely information for your solicitor and to let them advise you on what to do next. It’s not tour job to report him or hold off reporting him, let them deal with it. Well done for getting out.

Magenta82 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:23:50

Not true @Sardonicsnape
I'm currently trying to apply for Irish citizenship and using Ancestry was able to find UK birth records for me, my brother, my parents, various degrees of cousins, all of whom still live, along with a similar amount of coverage of marriage records.

One thing I did find was the record of my grandparents' marriage appears to be dated after my father's birth. I have applied for a copy of the certificate, I need it anyway but will be interested to find out if it is a mistake or a scandal.

mummmy2017 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:29:15

Try looking on social media for the child's name, also check if they have their mum listed....
If you have a copy of your husband's CV. It may show you the area he worked at the time.

Norrisskipjack Fri 01-Mar-19 13:30:03

Tread carefully OP, if you discover you’re not actually married you could be shooting yourself in the foot. Find out as much as you can before talking to the solicitor and if you find out you’re not legally married, decide whether it’s absolutely vital for anyone else to know what you know...

loulou0987 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:33:18

Ancestery online? Is the town the same as yours?

diddl Fri 01-Mar-19 13:36:07

"It might say, for his status, "previous marriage dissolved" or "widower"."

You'd think that Op would have noticed either of those & remarked on it though.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:36:08

I think you need to find out the potential status of your marriage under UK family law if he was already married.

You need to find out if the UK recognizes 'putative marriages'. A putative marriage is one where at least one party (in this case, you) enters into the marriage in good faith believing it was a proper and legal marriage. If the UK does recognize putative marriage, then usually the wronged spouse retains all the rights of a true marriage when it comes to property, pensions, etc. Thus, in a divorce you would still have rights to a settlement and a share of 'marital' assets.

If the UK does not recognize putative marriage, then what you have is a 'void' or 'voidable' marriage. This is one that the law says has been invalid since Day One and normally the Courts simply say "Too bad, so sad, you lose" and the innocent spouse walks away with nothing (unless their name is on the asset in question).

I'd clear this issue up with a different solicitor to the one you have retained for the divorce. If you find you have a 'void or voidable' marriage or if UK law doesn't protect the rights of a putative spouse, it will then be up to you to inform your divorce solicitor if you so choose.

JinglingHellsBells Fri 01-Mar-19 13:36:11

IME Ancestry online is not always 100% accurate. It depends if your details were uploaded and I think there is an option to have them removed - it's not a government or legal site.
I checked my entry some time ago and there was an error in it for something and I contacted them.

womaninatightspot Fri 01-Mar-19 13:37:03

Am back town not the same as mine in England.

cottonwoolbrain Fri 01-Mar-19 13:38:57

Magenta82 We found this with a deceased great uncle - marriage of parents after his birth.

Eventually a great aunt told us that he was her half brother. She only found out when her mother told her after her father die but swore her to secrecy until after great uncle died so he never knew. Her father who deeply loved her mother had married her to rescue her from the shame (the real father being unwilling to step up) and they'd moved to another town. Quite romantic really. Families have so many secrets don't that.

OP I hope you find there's a simple explanation for all of this

Dollyparton3 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:40:05

We registered to marry recently and had to declare previous marriages and supply decree absolute paperwork as part of the application. If this doesn't ring any bells with you as part of the process I understand your grounds for suspicion

MulticolourMophead Fri 01-Mar-19 13:40:18

OP, you do need to find out whatever you can.

Because if he's the dickish type, then he can spike your wheel by revealing the marriage in an effort to avoid paying out. If you know , you can't be blindsided.

Catsingangs Fri 01-Mar-19 13:41:34

Have a search here op, see what you can find www.freebmd.org.uk

womaninatightspot Fri 01-Mar-19 13:45:17

Don't have a solicitor at the moment as we are separating. I'm keeping the house decent maintenance. There is an argument for not rocking the boat.

womaninatightspot Fri 01-Mar-19 13:47:30

I filled out the form for marriage licence and handed it in. Definitely said no previous marriages. Arrg my email address is apparently already registered with ancestry. Must of previously used a free trial

TheWernethWife Fri 01-Mar-19 13:47:49

I have access to Ancestry, you can check marriages up to 2005.

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