Advanced search

Other Mum Said there's something wrong with DD

(92 Posts)
LetsBreakItDown Fri 01-Mar-19 08:56:11

So, I usually work Monday to Friday, but I had a days annual leave yesterday and I took my DD to a big indoor play area (she is 11 months)
While we were there, my DD was in the soft play area just crawling around and being her little self. She has a very bold little personality and does funny little quirks, like pulling funny faces, sometimes when she crawls she puts her head down and laughs (I assume she finds it funny!) anyway, just silly little things, that I find funny and a little quirky.
So while my DD was playing, another mum near by said to me "I would take her to the doctor if I was you, those aren't normal behaviours for a baby, there is probably something wrong with her" confused
This comment knocked me sideways and I genuinely didn't know how to respond. I picked up my daughter, and we moved to another area, but I'm sad to say, we left not long after that, because the comment had upset me so much I just couldn't shake it.
Now I'm angry! Aibu to think that even if she had this opinion, this isn't something you should say to a mother in a play area?? DD had a check up with HV a couple of months ago and she said she was really happy with development, had no concerns etc. So why has this comment bothered me so much??!

YouTheCat Fri 01-Mar-19 08:59:08

Don't give it another thought. The woman was rude. She's not a health professional and she saw your child playing for a very short amount of time. So long as you're happy, and your HV is, ignore the stupid cow.

kingfisherblue33 Fri 01-Mar-19 09:00:31

How rude of her! Is she an expert in child development who can 'diagnose' a child after watching her for a few minutes? Probably not.

Ignore her. Your dd sounds lovely.

BlueSkiesLies Fri 01-Mar-19 09:01:51

Stop the press! Baby having fun playing laughs and pulls funny faces!

The other woman was batshit. Don’t give her another thought.

meow1989 Fri 01-Mar-19 09:03:09

How rude. Ignore that silly woman, the HV has seen your DD and isn't concerned.

Is it the first time you've heard a criticism about your child? I only ask because a woman saw DS (8 months the other day) and commented that "oh, you've got ears like me" (slightly sticky out at the top) after cooing over a friends baby. Now, (objectively speaking of course 😉) DS is actually the most beautiful baby to have ever existed so I was silently appalled that someone would point this out. Different but along the same vein to what that woman said to you.

Your child is happy, independent and unique.

Shockers Fri 01-Mar-19 09:04:14

Bloody hell- she was rude!

A man once commented on my DD, “She doesn’t do much, does she?”, when we were in the park.

What he didn’t know was that it was the first time I’d taken her out alone during adoption introductions. Hi comment made me feel judged and anxious.

That was 18 years ago and I still regret not telling him to fuck off.

gokartdillydilly Fri 01-Mar-19 09:06:39

Awww your daughter sounds adorable and very bright actually. Ignore the CF - I can't imagine why anyone would make such a comment! Rude, hurtful, unnecessary and actually a bit thick

Ginnymweasley Fri 01-Mar-19 09:07:40

My 8 month old randomly laughs.... sometimes in his sleep. Why would it be an issue, pulling faces and laughing is surely a positive thing, it's shows they are happy. Stupid woman.

x2boys Fri 01-Mar-19 09:07:40

She's incredibly rude even if she did think there might be some developmental issues it's very inappropriate to point it out to a co!port stranger at soft play

CielBleuEtNuages Fri 01-Mar-19 09:10:41

Its bothered you because its a criticism of your baby and no one likes that.

My hackles rise when someone makes a negative comment about my DC even if i agree with it. Makes me defensive.

She sounds gorgeous.

Scotinoz Fri 01-Mar-19 09:11:33

Other Mum is nuts. Your kid sounds fine. For what it's worth, my almost 4 year old likes to crawl and push her forehead along the carpet 🤷🏼‍♀️

LetsBreakItDown Fri 01-Mar-19 09:11:34

Im happy with DDs development and have no concerns about her at all. Im just shocked someone would say this at a play area. I would never dream of saying something like that to another mum! And I'm annoyed at myself for being so affected by her comment! And I regret not telling her to piss off and mind her own! No one has made similar comments before, I think she just has a big personality! I don't believe baby's should be compared because they are all very different! I'm going to try and forget it and not let it ruin my weekend smile thanks for the reassurance, always nice to know I'm not the only one who found this shockingly rude.

EwItsAHooman Fri 01-Mar-19 09:11:45

When DD was around a year old her favourite "toy" was a tin of kidney beans she took from the kitchen cupboard. For weeks and weeks she took that tin absolutely everywhere with her until she eventually adopted her older brother's bike helmet and I found the tin abandoned behind the sofa.

Conclusion: toddlers are weird little creatures, adorable, but weird.

This woman had no clue what she was talking about, ignore her.

Tinkobell Fri 01-Mar-19 09:16:32

Ignorant, bigoted and rude. Don't waste another moment dwelling on it OP. Go enjoy your DD some place else; she sounds adorable.

grinningcheshirecat Fri 01-Mar-19 09:20:17

She shouldn't have said it and saying that something is wrong sounds awful. Having said that, I've thought twice about someones baby that there was something slightly different and there was, one was autistic, the other had learning difficulties. There is nothing wrong with them, they just have an extra challenge to overcome.

Your daughter sounds like a lot of fun and giggles to me grin.

ittakes2 Fri 01-Mar-19 09:25:17

How adorable - maybe you have an actress in the making! She is just being ignorant - ignore.

MissionItsPossible Fri 01-Mar-19 09:25:47

It astounds me what bloody rude comments people feel like they can make to total strangers. Don't give it a second thought, don't waste your time on her.

Purplecatshopaholic Fri 01-Mar-19 09:26:37

What on earth makes people think they can comment on other peoples children like that??! She was rude and out of order, try to forget it. Jeezo, some people!

CoraPirbright Fri 01-Mar-19 09:27:43

I think it would be a very rare person who would not be bothered by a comment like that! Try not to let it get to you - she was totally wrong, rude and, I think the official term is “an utter bitch” grin

My dd used to pull faces too - she is now a teen and there is absolutely nothing “wrong” with her!!

MoBiroBo Fri 01-Mar-19 09:29:16

I have actually been quite rude to someone who said something to me once. I asked what qualifications they had in the area?

Someone once said my child was too clingy, I asked her why it bothered her so much what my child did?

At a supermarket the woman on the till asked me when I was due (huge pregnancy belly) I told her and she made a comment on my size. I said if you are a qualified midwife why are you working on a till? She mumbled she wasn't a midwife so I told her to keep her uneducated opinions to herself.

Next time, and there will always be a next time, ask them what their qualifications are in this area. grin

Your baby sounds delightful and happy. Embrace that.

MatildaTheCat Fri 01-Mar-19 09:30:27

You are suffering from the rage that is not having had a suitably snotty reply ready for the rudest woman in the town. Try to stop having the internal conversation where you set her straight and move on.

If there is ever a next time practice a regal, ‘ I beg your pardon?’ Before turning your back on her.

teyem Fri 01-Mar-19 09:30:47

Some people like to credit themselves with instinctive diagnostic powers, once in awhile they may get it right to reinforce their beliefs. It's all about them and not you and your dd1.

MTGGirl Fri 01-Mar-19 09:30:48

The way she said it is wrong. But....
I was in the same situation with a friend. Their 6 months old daughter was not developing normally, but they didn't see it (first kid,...). I have extensive knowledge of child development and it was obvious.
The fact is that in the first few months a lot of things can be done. Way more than after. Really early therapies have way better outcomes the sooner they start.
So it is a responsible thing to say something, just not in this manner.
My approach was to ask questions: is she doing this, that, how is doing this/that. Then steered the conversation on what the main milestones were, has she reached them, etc. And never did I say anything like this! I suggested that it might be a good idea to go see a specialist and told them why I thought so specifically. She wrote it down, went to see the specialist. Due to early intervention their daughter can now walk unaided (although there are far more complicated things going on with her unfortunately).

I would have asked the lady EXACTLY why she was saying that. She might be more knowledgeable, she might see something a mum doesn't. She might have had a valid point or two. But throwing things around like that is just rude!

cantfindname Fri 01-Mar-19 09:31:05

I wish I had been there! I would have said something on your behalf. Nasty cow.

GregoryPeckingDuck Fri 01-Mar-19 09:31:14

Regardless of whether what she said was true or not it was a bloody weird thing to say! Surely if there was something ‘wrong’ with your own child you’d know. I would imagine that it’s more likely the case that you did something that made her cross and this was an attempt to belittle you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »