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To take away DD's wedding dreams?

(81 Posts)
PutsFootInIt Thu 28-Feb-19 22:10:18

My daughter had a tantrum last night because I told her she couldn't be the mother of the bride at my wedding to her father. She's 3. Should I just dress her up in a pastel dress and matching jacket and put a fascinator on her head?

Bodear Thu 28-Feb-19 22:11:18

Of course.

JoyceDivision Thu 28-Feb-19 22:11:39

Yes. Also shimmery.lipstick to emphasise pursed lips when she sees something she disapproves of.(Usually it would be the groom grin)

AutumnCrow Thu 28-Feb-19 22:12:26

A peach outfit, please.

pallisers Thu 28-Feb-19 22:13:06

Compomise. Tell her she can be the mother of the groom and put her in a miniature wedding dress to upstage you.

Luckingfovely Thu 28-Feb-19 22:13:07

Ooh yes, but don't let her at the gin grin

dontfluffthefluffer Thu 28-Feb-19 22:13:18

Also a black patent handbag that goes with nothing but will be clutched to her front the entire time as if her life depended on it.

fezzesarecool Thu 28-Feb-19 22:13:28

Go for it!

My dd’s (5) distraught that she can’t marry her brother (2) so I’m allowing it for now

Jezzifishie Thu 28-Feb-19 22:13:31

grin Aww, that's hilarious! My 4 year old is also wedding obsessed at the moment. She thinks she's going to marry me or DH...

GoGoGadgetGin Thu 28-Feb-19 22:14:43

Omg puts you're like obsessed!!! Total bridezilla!! It's just one day... It's about faaaaammilyy (have l missed anything?!)
I suppose she could have a new role of 'daughter of the happy couple' ?

Loopytiles Thu 28-Feb-19 22:14:50

Excellent future MN MIL behaviour!

RiverTam Thu 28-Feb-19 22:17:08

A nice coat dress should do the trick.

TheCraicDealer Thu 28-Feb-19 22:18:00

Can you dress a sibling up as MOTheGroom in exactly the same outfit as her but in a different colour? Because that's not what happened at my wedding [whistles]

NWQM Thu 28-Feb-19 22:29:00

If she has offered to pay you are being very unreasonable.

SapphireSeptember Thu 28-Feb-19 22:32:00

I thought this was going to be something terrible, but nope, it's actually quite sweet instead. grin smile

She can be Daughter of the Bride instead, and should wear a nice shade of lilac with a pretty hat. (I hate hats, my mum didn't wear one when I got married.)

Congratulations OP! I hope you all have a fabulous day. flowers

OlennasWimple Thu 28-Feb-19 22:34:37

I recommend repeated exposure to Jacques Vert to cure the problem

Girlzroolz Thu 28-Feb-19 22:35:31

Coat dress is a yes- as long as it’s lilac or peach (salmon at a pinch).

Don’t forget to add ‘something blue’, cos it’s soooooo very funny when the MOB borrows bridal traditions. Perhaps a garter? A scrunchie will do, given your dd’s size.

And a spritz of Crabtree n Evelyn. Any of them.

manicinsomniac Thu 28-Feb-19 22:48:58

My friend's daughter had a tantrum because she couldn't be the bride at her parents' wedding. She was determined that she was 'going to marry daddy and mummy could come too and look after them!'

Can you sell her the maid of honour role instead?

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow Thu 28-Feb-19 22:51:06

She's 3. She can be anything she wants: mother of the bride, father of the bride, chief bridesmaid - even the bride! And all at once. Give in now.

Wolfiefan Thu 28-Feb-19 22:52:58

Do it. Take pics. Save them for bribery purposes to ensure calm and pleasant teen years. grin

Al2O3 Thu 28-Feb-19 22:58:53

Beware she doesn’t lose a tooth the night before and refuses to go to the wedding. She may sell her story to Hello, Vanity Fair or The Daily Mail and day she was disinvited.

Wanderlusting99 Thu 28-Feb-19 23:11:51

I'd let her, it's harmless. My DD has been asked to be a bridesmaid by her uncle, she will not accept that she doesn't get a veil. She's 6. That one we can't get away with !

StillCoughingandLaughing Thu 28-Feb-19 23:36:06

It depends. Does she just want to wear a lilac dress with a corsage, or is she prepared to get into the spirit of the thing? When you tell her you’re going with dark red for the bridesmaids, will say raise her eyebrows and say ‘Dark red? Very dark? For a spring wedding? Well of course if you like it that’s what matters; it’s not my place to say...’

When you tell her you’re having chicken for the main, will she say ‘That’s nice dear’, or ‘Oh - how practical. No one gets offended by chicken. Not everyone wants to be adventurous, do they? Of course, when Delia Walker’s daughter got married everyone raved about the salmon. People still talk of Delia Walker’s daughter’s salmon to this day. Not to mention The passion fruit terrine... but you have what you like, dear. Whatever you think best’.

Is she prepared to passively aggressively badger you to quiz the mother of the groom on what colour she’ll be wearing? Will she declare ‘Aquamarine? What a... bold choice, with her complexion’.

Tell her you’re more than happy for her to audition, but you’ll need her to really commit to the role.

PutsFootInIt Fri 01-Mar-19 08:36:14

😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣 i fell asleep and half forgot I posted this last night. Some great advice here.

She hasn't contributed any money, no, so I don't think I should have to give in to her demands. Do I tell her to her face to face or send her a strongly worded text? Or should I just go NC until the wedding?

She actually thinks it is 'our' wedding (our being mummy, daddy, her and her little brother 1). Which is very sweet so we are going to attempt to have them with us for the vows but not sure how smoothly that will go.

FrozenMargarita17 Fri 01-Mar-19 08:41:03

I think a strongly worded text should do it but run it by us before you send it so we can make MN approved changes grin

I can't wait until my daughter does this sort of thing haha.

LondonBelongsToMe Fri 01-Mar-19 08:42:53

My dd has a wedding themed birthday party when she was 5. Lots of tiny nylon meringue dresses from TK Max and confetti and pink and sweetie trees. She used to force her sister to walk behind her holding the end of a fitted sheet that went on her head as a cathedral length train. Awesome.

Your daughter has gone one beyond with selecting a more niche but potentially more fun role. Amazing. I trust she’s insisting on inviting all her friends from playgroup so she has some company?

Nonibaloni Fri 01-Mar-19 08:44:15

It’ll be easy to tell, try on your favourite wedding dress, feel amazing, and if she laughs and says ‘imagine if you wore that’ she IS the MOB all that’s to be done is invite her weird and boring friend to sneak into all the photos (at least 3 yo will be cute)

MrsJayy Fri 01-Mar-19 08:46:51

Surely a hat the size of a satelite dish would be better after all she is the VIPMOTB.

CuppaSarah Fri 01-Mar-19 08:49:37

That is adorable!

We're all very into weddings here too. The other week I had to bake DD and d
DS a wedding cake and dress them up, put on a first dance song etc. Apparently I ruined the wedding and it was cancelled when o wouldn't allow a YouTube disco. Worst MIL ever

x2boys Fri 01-Mar-19 08:53:13

Will she insist on inviting all her friends though , even though you haven't seen them for many years?

Shockers Fri 01-Mar-19 08:55:49

Until he was 5, DS2 insisted he was marrying Daddy.

No amount of telling him that Daddy was already married to me would persuade him otherwise grin.

FrogsAreMean Fri 01-Mar-19 09:21:27

StillCoughingandLaughing grin grin

cocodash Fri 01-Mar-19 09:25:31


BreakfastAtSquiffanys Fri 01-Mar-19 09:32:35

I don't think Phase Eight's sizing goes down to age 3

drspouse Fri 01-Mar-19 09:33:04

My DS is 7 and still occasionally suggests that he marry me.
He is definitely clear on the fact that I'm married though, as he often tells me "PUT YOUR HUSBAND IN JAILED" when DH has done something heinous like try to brush his teeth (he has some sensory problems).

drspouse Fri 01-Mar-19 09:33:33

Will she insist on inviting all her friends though , even though you haven't seen them for many years?
Yes, including her imaginary friends, and all the teddies she's ever had.

Rade Fri 01-Mar-19 09:33:54

Aw this takes me back to when DS was going to marry me. He's 21 now and has jilted me.

1tisILeClerc Fri 01-Mar-19 09:42:29

Of course she should take part as MO The bride.
Depending on how formal you are planning the whole event to be it could be great fun if the (so called grown ups) play along. Far more interesting than the usual MoB getting tipsy and falling asleep or whatever else happens.

AveAtqueVale Fri 01-Mar-19 09:43:17

My 4 year old is also wedding obsessed at the moment. She thinks she's going to marry me or DH...

My 4-year-old had full on snotty tears the other day when he discovered he could only marry one person at a time. ‘But I want to marry you AND Daddy 😭.’ I felt like it was the wrong moment to point out that he might actually have to look for someone entirely unrelated...

amusedbush Fri 01-Mar-19 09:51:08

I recommend repeated exposure to Jacques Vert to cure the problem


Monty27 Fri 01-Mar-19 09:54:07

Red lips, curly hair and a cutsie dress.
And a lollipop of course grin

JaretsGirlfren Fri 01-Mar-19 09:58:25

My DD said I could be bridesmaid when she marries her best friend, then changed her mind and told me she had a far more important job for me and could I decorate the venue...

Witchend Fri 01-Mar-19 10:17:42

At 3yo dd1 was so upset when I said that she couldn't marry daddy that we agreed we'd shelve the discussion and discuss it when she was 16yo, as she couldn't marry until then anyway.
You'll be surprised to learn that the conversation at 16yo was very quick, easy and mostly comprised of her going hmm and confused

NannyRed Fri 01-Mar-19 10:22:44

@TheCraiDealer my friend also arrived to her daughters wedding to find she was wearing the same outfit as mother of the groom but in a different colour! So either it’s a regular thing or I know your mum.

(Did your mums colleague write your name cards for the tables?)

Iooselipssinkships Fri 01-Mar-19 10:28:08

How cute. Could you not give her the role of being Chief bridesmaid? Tell her it's a very important job!
My 6 year old son has said more than once he's marrying me when he's older. I've explained it doesn't quite work like that but he's adamant. I love that innocence.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Fri 01-Mar-19 10:33:59

When my ds got close to my new dh - when we told him we were getting married, he said if dh hadn't married me he would have (he was 4)...they are very close now and no resentment!!

beela Fri 01-Mar-19 10:34:24

Oh don't shatter her dreams!

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 01-Mar-19 10:38:58

These stories are soo cute! 😍

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 01-Mar-19 10:39:34

Oh and loving the idea of dressing her up as MOG in identical outfit to you 😬

TheLongRider Fri 01-Mar-19 10:50:22

Mine loved picking her potential wedding outfits from bridal magazines at that age. If you can get your hands on a couple of magazines, it's a good way to spend a wet afternoon with a scrapbook and glue stick. She can even draw her ideal outfit for you.

Otherwise I suggest a nice pastel two piece with a very large hat that no-one else can see past.

JellyBaby666 Fri 01-Mar-19 10:54:27

This thread has made me smile so much on a miserable Friday morning!

I remember being distraught finding my parents wedding photos, and discovering they had got married without me (7 years before I was born, in fact) and cried for ages about it! I think I was about 4?

DontCallMeCharlotte Fri 01-Mar-19 11:09:14

The only trouble with a strongly worded text is that can she claim if she can't read it (yet), it doesn't count?

OlennasWimple You're absolutely right about Jaques Vert but, having said that, I bought a Jaques Vert wool swing coat in the late 90s (I was in my early 30s) and it keeps coming in and out of style. It's such good quality, it just won't die! I bought it with a bonus and it cost a fortune at the time but it's probably cost about tuppence per wear! The Duchess of Cambridge I am not.

willowmelangell Fri 01-Mar-19 11:16:52

Make sure she has a very large handkerchief, for dabbing her eyes and clutching.

Omzlas Fri 01-Mar-19 11:45:35

Mint green is all the rage. With a huge fucking fascinator. And patent heels with a matching handbag.

And photos or it didn't happen!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 01-Mar-19 12:13:32

This thread reminds me of the MNer who asked her little sister, who had Down's syndrome, to be the ring bearer at her wedding.

The little sister was a HUGE Lord of the Rings fan, so decided she was going to be THE ring bearer - ie. Frodo Baggins, rather than wearing a pretty dress and carrying the rings on a cushion - and once she learned this, the MNer totally went with it - and the wedding photos all have a fully costumed hobbit, front and centre.

It absolutely made the day for the MNer and her dh, and her little sister too!

CountFosco Fri 01-Mar-19 12:29:59

Just be glad she only wants to be MotB. Our DC desperately want us to marry (again!) so they can go on 'Marrying Mum and Dad' and organise the whole thing. Which some MotB want to do obviously...

Amibeingnaive Fri 01-Mar-19 12:32:52

My 7 year old is really pissed off that I won't divorce her father and marry her instead. Or let her marry her brother. Or her cousins.

I'm controlling, aren't I?

LondonBelongsToMe Fri 01-Mar-19 12:39:58

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius that is the best thing I've ever read on this godforsaken website.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 01-Mar-19 12:58:02

The poster was DoubleNegativePanda, and her post is part way through this thread - and there are even some photos!

howwillwedeal Fri 01-Mar-19 13:00:54

I suggest you have a child free wedding, she sounds like trouble!

LoisWilkerson1 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:03:51

grin She sounds very demanding op. Go no contact.

Greyhound22 Fri 01-Mar-19 13:05:22

DS was 3 when we got married. I had him totally primed that he had to sit by Nanny etc as the Vicar had already voiced disapproval at children up the front etc. He never left our side. There is a photo of us all three of us kneeling at the front of the church with him next to me holding my hand. Went down a treat with the guests. The vicar sighed and gave up.

He still says 'that's where we got married Mummy' when we drive past the church.

ThatssomebadhatHarry Fri 01-Mar-19 13:06:25

My daughter was given the title ‘wedding captain’ at our wedding. Had it printed on her gifts too. She still tells people about it.

spiderlight Fri 01-Mar-19 13:07:17

@ SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius That photo has made my WEEK!!

Kismetjayn Fri 01-Mar-19 13:11:25

I love the wedding captain idea.

DD3 accepted she couldn't marry us very quickly as I explained the point of a wedding was to make someone you loved so much you wanted to be family, part of your family. And since we were already family, there was no point in marrying us.

However she is totally preoccupied with marrying her friend from nursery. She has planned the dresses they will wear. She has planned her bridesmaids. She has planned the cake ('delicious chocolate and strawberry') and the music ('all the fun songs we like').

However she hasn't asked the other girl to marry her yet and when she did ask, asked in such a quiet voice the girl didn't hear and carried on playing with blocks. Poor DD was very discouraged and is trying to muster the fortitude to ask again. In a louder voice.

SenecaFalls Fri 01-Mar-19 13:15:59

Let her go MOB American style: floor length sparkly number trailing yards of chiffon and carrying a small bouquet.

weegiemum Fri 01-Mar-19 13:59:44

When she was 4, my dd1 (now19) got very angry at us because she couldn't go to our wedding (her friends parents were getting married).

She couldn't understand we'd got married 6 years before she was born!

kelper Fri 01-Mar-19 14:11:30

Aww, this is very cute (And the hobbit is just awesome too!)
DS always wanted to marry me, since daddy wouldn't! He's now 11 and I think this idea has worn off a little 😭
She definitely needs an enormous hat and a disapproving look ;)

Katiepoes Fri 01-Mar-19 14:28:21

She'll need some nice tan tights, do Falke come in small girl sizes? She also needs to learn to say 'of course in my day the MotB always did/chose/invited.....' and 'but we've known XYZ since you were a baaaaaby'.

She sounds fabulous btw!

Katebob22 Fri 01-Mar-19 14:37:33

I can’t see the Frodo photo #stampsfeet

Katebob22 Fri 01-Mar-19 14:38:36

Sorry, as you were. Just seen it blush

whohaa Fri 01-Mar-19 14:39:06

My 3 year old wants to marry me, so that's happening.

Yougotdis Fri 01-Mar-19 14:48:33

Yep dress her up full mother of the bride. I’ll make the outfit myself if you want. And she has to walk around the whole wedding date tutting and saying ‘well I thought she would have married her last boyfriend but she won’t listen to any of my suggestions’. There should also be a mob speech

drspouse Fri 01-Mar-19 15:34:53

Of course, if you can find a willing small boy, you can have endless fun with the "I don't want to be in the same room as him" mother of the bride and her ex/father of the bride.

LondonBelongsToMe Sat 02-Mar-19 09:31:39

@DoubleNegativePanda must come back, this site needs people like her more than ever. What a woman and what a hobbit.

MollyYouInDangerGirl Sat 02-Mar-19 09:43:09

Aww I love all these stories!

DoubleNegativePanda Sat 02-Mar-19 16:14:48

Wow, I'm quite awed that my sister Frodo is so well remembered here grin My mother was worried that the brown clothes she chose to wear under her cloak made her look dumpy, but the fact is that hobbits are kind of dumpy and frodo was particularly ragged and unkempt. I'm not sure if you can tell in the picture but our rings were hanging from ribbon in the circle.of her staff.

DoubleNegativePanda Sat 02-Mar-19 16:15:59

To the OP: definitely dress your daughter up as a stiff little MOB. You'll cherish the pics forever.

GreenTulips Sat 02-Mar-19 16:20:35

She doesn’t have to attend it’s an invite not a summons’s!

Send her an invite with dress code!

woollyheart Sat 02-Mar-19 16:38:28

Not pastel, make sure she wears white so that she upstages the bride!😀

Frouby Sat 02-Mar-19 16:54:56

My ds (aged 4) actually gave me away. He was originally supposed to walk down the aisle with dd (13) but bottled it and didn't want to walk down the aisle with people looking at him. So said he could hold my hand instead. And didn't have to walk down the aisle at all.

He was quite happy with that. I wasn't being given away anyway so it was all good and all our guests assumed that was his original role.

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