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To think the school should be doing more to help dd

(27 Posts)
AFOLNerd Thu 28-Feb-19 13:17:26

I have posted about this before but unfortunately it’s started again.

Dd 12 has a deformity on her hands and feet. There is some little shits at her school who are making her life miserable by keeping on commenting on them. From “what the fuck is wrong with your feet?”
To encouraging other kids to “go and look at her fucked up hands.” And various other comments along the same lines.

The ringleader has been spoken to 3 times about how upsetting this is for dd and that it has to stop. He hasn’t stopped so as far as I am concerned this is now bullying as he knows it is upsetting her.

I have a meeting at the school this afternoon with the person in charge of discipline in school to discuss how they are going to help her.

What can i reasonably expect them to do?

For context her brother in year 10 and his best mate both got isolation for a full day for sending offensive messages to each other over the school computers. As even though it was mutual insults, sending those messages came under their bullying policy. Yet this ring leader just gets told to pack it in!

She has a month to go until she sees the genetic specialist again and the most likely outcome is to they have to start puberty artificially and that she won’t be able to have children. So the poor girl has enough to deal with without these boys.

Wild123 Thu 28-Feb-19 13:40:28

I would expect them to follow there own anti-bullying rules and if they are not then you need to take it higher

Londonmummy66 Thu 28-Feb-19 14:10:32

I would tell her that the school have a duty to ensure that everyone, pupils and teachers, comply with the Disability Act as well as their anti-bullying policy. It was bullying the first time this kid said anything so at least 3 offences now. This type of discriminatory behaviour ought to be treated as a serious misdemeanour so ask what the school policy is on persistent serious misconduct.

If you aren't happy with the outcome this afternoon ask to see the school complaints policy and take it further.

Houseonahill Thu 28-Feb-19 14:28:46

I would expect them to come down on this kid like a ton of bricks. He should be put in isolation every single time and they should be doing more to teach him about tolerance.

bellabasset Thu 28-Feb-19 17:13:10

How did your meeting go today? Have the school spoken to this bully and his parents?

If you are unhappy take it further, speak to the School Governors, inform your MP and get him/her to write to the appropriate authorities they have contacts and get results far quicker than you can.

Waveysnail Thu 28-Feb-19 17:43:58

Ask for copy of the schools anti bullying policy

friendlyflicka Thu 28-Feb-19 17:47:12

If you don't get anywhere on an informal basis, go through the proper complaints procedure.

Very different issue but my daughter's last school wouldn't do anything and were completely ineffectual and useless about a situation which was their responsibility. I had to go through the official route and got something done.

Sounds so distressing and must be horrible for your daughter (and you)

AFOLNerd Thu 28-Feb-19 17:47:34

Thanks everyone

The meeting went ok I think. Her head of year sat in on the meeting too and the boys are apparently well known for being little sods.
The parents are going to be called in for a meeting and told what the boys have been doing. The boys are going to be punished and dd has been given an exit card so if anything happens in lessons dd can walk out without getting in trouble. She has also been told that if anything at all is mentioned she is to go and tell her head of year straight away.

So we will see what happens.

lastqueenofscotland Thu 28-Feb-19 17:58:35

At that age I’d be going fuckin nuclear at the school they are FAR too old for nicey nicey “some people are different and it’s unkind.”
I’d be demanding that more is done or threaten a lawyer being involved or even talking to police with regards to it being harassment on the grounds she is disabled.

I’m not one to get too full on with schools but I’d be going completely spare in this situation.

HolesinTheSoles Thu 28-Feb-19 18:03:29

I agree with PP this was bullying from the first time he did it. He's in secondary school not nursery and he would have realised he was hurting her feelings. I hope your meeting went well the school should definitely be doing much more about it. I could understand a stern talking to the first time (even that seems quite lenient) but this is ongoing and the school should be very proactive.

EmeraldShamrock Thu 28-Feb-19 18:06:53

I remember your last thread. I can't believe this is still going on. Your poor DD, the school should be doing everything in their power. I would completely lose it OP.

EmeraldShamrock Thu 28-Feb-19 18:09:00

If I was the parent called in over this, my DC would be in serious trouble with severe consequences. I hope these boys parents sort this out, they should have sorted it months ago.
Did they get called in before over this.

Sirzy Thu 28-Feb-19 18:11:48

I hope you get it sorted. I agree it’s bullying and needs treating as such.

Long term would she be comfortable with it being explained to everyone (the deformity bit only obviously) in order to remove the “ooh” factor and answer any questions children may have? Remove the amunition a bit for the bullies?

Different problems and ds is younger but we have found that has helped a lot

PumpkinPie2016 Thu 28-Feb-19 18:14:33

You poor DD sad

If this was the school I work in (just an average comprehensive) we would have been down on this like a tonne of bricks! Severest detention/isolation every single time, parents brought in each time, isolated at social times etc. At this age, children know the difference between right and wrong and don't need to be told 'it's unkind' they know fine well it's unkind!

If it persisted we would look at parents meeting with the head and exclusion placement at another school. In addition, the bully would be made to move classes so that they had less contact with your daughter.

I hope the school pull their finger out because quite honestly, they sound like a shambles!

rosablue Thu 28-Feb-19 18:23:08

Make sure you formally report it to them as a safeguarding issue...

Means that they are legally obliged to treat it more seriously than if you were to call it bullying - even though it’s exactly the same thing to you.

janetforpresident Thu 28-Feb-19 18:26:30

I always say write to chair of governors about their slow response so that the head gets questioned over it. Then you will see how firmly they respond!!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 28-Feb-19 18:57:49

Your poor dd - I don’t blame you for being furious about this.

I will tell you one thing that I firmly believe, though - in years to come, when your dd thinks back on this bullying, she will remember how strongly you defended her, and that will help. She knows you are her advocate and, as someone whose mother didn’t do anything to help or support me when I was bullied throughout senior school, I can tell you how important what you are doing is.

You are a hero.

TedAndLola Thu 28-Feb-19 19:05:19

I know it's not as easy as it sounds but is there any chance of moving her? I was at a secondary that didn't deal with bullying and, well, I don't want to scare you so I won't detail the effects. I wish I had just moved schools when it started.

ValleyoftheHorses Thu 28-Feb-19 19:11:46

For something like this I would expect severe consequences. This time- meetings with parents and warnings.
If it happens again I would expect them to be excluded. Your DD shouldn’t have to deal with people who treat her like this.

Springiscomingsoon Thu 28-Feb-19 19:12:49

What an awful situation, your poor dd thanks.
Lots of good advise on here on what up expect from the school.
I just wanted to advise on the other side of this. I'm sure you are but hopefully she doesn't lose any self esteem from this and worth looking into the language that you use when talking about this so your dd doesn't think of herself as a 'victim' and feel even worse. Hope that makes sense. It's something I did with my ds when he was being picked on and I think it really helped.

OddBoots Thu 28-Feb-19 19:13:15

That kind of harassment is a disability hate crime and they are over the age of criminal responsibility. If the school aren't taking it seriously then the police will I am sure. You can phone 101 for advice.

Takethebuscuitandthesink Thu 28-Feb-19 19:23:07

I lurked on your previous thread. It is apauling that this wasn’t dealt with back in September/October time rather than it still not being sorted now at the end of February. I can’t stand bullying. You need to really grill the school as to why they have been messing around, your poor dd will probably remember this for the rest of her life. You need to become “that parent” be constantly sending e-mails, making phone calls to various individuals, if you haven’t already get you dd to keep a journal of every single incident you will soon find things will (hopefully) get done if you constantly pester. It is awful you have to do this,the school should be proactively dealing with this

LiftedHigh Thu 28-Feb-19 19:40:47

Agree with pp, even if your or her dont count it as a disability or disabling to everyday activities, it is in fact disabilty discrimination. I'd thank the school for their time in an email and tell thrm if their course of action doesnt work you'll have no choice but to report it as a hate crime as the kids are over the age of criminal responsibility.

Hamsternauts Fri 01-Mar-19 14:12:31

When dd went to induction days in the July before she started secondary there was an incident where a boy behaved in a bullying manner to a girl and he got a detention, even though it was only the induction days. They came down hard and I've heard nothing further about bullying so it got the message across. Sounds like the school need to get tougher.

AFOLNerd Fri 01-Mar-19 16:45:37

In fairness to the school the behaviour had stopped and has only started again in the last few weeks.

I had an email from her head of year last night detailing what we had spoken about and what the plan was going forward. Also all her teachers had been copied in and told to watch out for her.
No incidents today and dd came out happy, though ring leader was overheard saying “if I ever say anything to dd again I’m going to get expelled!”
So fingers crossed that will be the end of it. But I am hopeful that the school are dealing with it properly this time.

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