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Asking BF to contribute to food bills when he stays over

(24 Posts)
denbigh Thu 28-Feb-19 12:17:03

I've been with my BF for nearly a year, it's my 1st relationship since I split with the kids dad 3 yrs ago..
I'm a single parent, I don't struggle but I don't save much either.. my issue is my BF never ever buys anything that we eat.. due to cost of babysitters etc we don't go out much..maybe every 3 months? He's over every weekend and I'm starting to feel a bit resentful about buying and cooking all our meals.. part of me feels a bit guilty for feeling this way, I earn way more than him but..he doesn't have many expenses,surely he can see what I do and offer? It's the fact he hasnt/,doesn't offer that is making me cross .. I don't know how to approach it as I don't want to cause a rift but I am fed up..any ideas..?

CripsSandwiches Thu 28-Feb-19 12:18:22

YANBU. I would just ask him to pick something up to make for dinner next time.

HollowTalk Thu 28-Feb-19 12:19:57

You could say, "I'm happy to cook for you on Friday night. Do you want to bring something over for Saturday night or do you want to get us a takeaway?"

Everyone knows food is expensive. You're a single mum - your priority is always going to be your children, not a man who's keeping his money for himself.

mummmy2017 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:20:09

This is take away time..

Oh john , I fancy a curry, you can treat us as I normally but all the food for the weekends when your here ..

Notthatsimple Thu 28-Feb-19 12:20:42

Do you never go to his place?

Ginseng1 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:21:01

I would be mad he not offering to shop or cook for. Sounds very mean. If you can't go out a nice take away be a treat (from him!) every week or so as well.

BlueSkiesLies Thu 28-Feb-19 12:21:33

Just say “hey DP please can you pick up food for dinner tonight?”

Or “how about you get a deliveoo for all of us since I’ve been buying and cooking all our other meals”

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:23:00

Just raise it with him. Say you're spending alot of money each time and as it's a very regular thing, how about a fair contribution from him. It's a shame he hasn't thought to offer but his reaction will tell you alot on how he views you and your relationship.

NabooThatsWho Thu 28-Feb-19 12:23:17

Is he generous in other ways?

Or does he just use you for sex and free lodgings?

theWarOnPeace Thu 28-Feb-19 12:24:51

The fact that he hasn’t realised himself that he’s taking the piss, says a lot about him. If he was living there he’d be a cocklodger.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 28-Feb-19 12:25:20

What Lemonsqueezy said. Making him buy one takeaway won't help in the long term. You need to have a serious chat about his freeloading. To be honest I'd see it as a big red flag that he's happy to let you foot the bill without offering anything - he sounds selfish.

Bananalanacake Thu 28-Feb-19 12:26:30

Great idea above. Just say haven't had time to shop after work can you bring pasta and mince and peppers. Then see if he asks for cash.

Pringlemunchers Thu 28-Feb-19 12:27:07

If he is still living at home, he probably has no idea how expensive it is ? Just have a chat with him.

ApolloandDaphne Thu 28-Feb-19 12:29:14

I think you need to have an honest talk with him. Tell him you are noticing a big increase in the cost of your food shopping and you want to try and save a bit more for holidays/stuff for your DC etc. Then ask him to contribute something to the weekend food shop to cover the extra while he is there.

user1457017537 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:29:26

Does he pay for anything or buy you or the kids treats. If he genuinely doesn’t spend anything you have your answer.

Asta19 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:31:16

Any self aware adult wouldn't need to be asked. If I was at someone's for the weekend I'd automatically say "can I bring anything?" If I was going there every weekend I could not just sit there and eat their food time after time without offering to get some shopping, or a takeaway etc.

I agree with LemonSqueezy0 asking him to buy one takeaway isn't going to solve the problem in the long term and a proper discussion is needed.

0rangeB0ttle Thu 28-Feb-19 12:39:38

You have fed him for a year & he has never offered to buy any food, not even bought you a bar of chocolate ? He is essentially taking money from your children. So he should be buying food that you or he can cook or he buys takeaway. Of course people normally contribute ! If all your bills increase and bills for your children, how can you afford to feed an adult, who I presume is working ? You need to have the conversation this weekend !

HolesinTheSoles Thu 28-Feb-19 13:00:04

If it hasn't occurred to him to offer over the last year if you ask him to pick up a take away he'll probably interpret that as a one off treat and imagine himself very generous for going along with it. You need to have an actual conversation.

GabriellaMontez Thu 28-Feb-19 13:09:18

"How about I arrange tea Friday and you do saturday?"

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's just got a blind spot ...
But if he says no, get rid of him.

GabriellaMontez Thu 28-Feb-19 13:11:07

Omg just realised you're doing the cooking as well as the buying? Why? What is he doing?

Holidayshopping Thu 28-Feb-19 13:15:16

I think more detail is needed, OP.

Does he have his own place or does he live at home?
Do you ever stay over at his?
Have you never discussed money with him before?
How much disposable income does he have?

0rangeB0ttle Thu 28-Feb-19 13:45:52

Assume breakfast, lunch, dinner & snacks for 2 days X 52 weeks I'm estimating is £1000. So that is a holiday with your children or savings or days out that you are missing out on.

NCforthis2019 Thu 28-Feb-19 14:27:22

what the hell - youve fed and housed him every weekend for the year and only just realised theres something off with this arrangement? What does he bring into the relationship?

Gth1234 Thu 28-Feb-19 14:39:51

I think @LemonSqueezy0 is doing this the right way.

Directness is called for. Sarcastic type comments are never good. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, is a truism for a reason.

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