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To have told my friend straight?

(16 Posts)
rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 11:31:15

I feel slightly guilty now.
My friend is a total push over with her boyfriend.
Years now and I'm sick of listening to the same thing over and over.
She has a car which she lets him use for work which leaves her with no car.
Yesterday she started work at 10am but he wanted the car as he started work at 1pm.
She had to go to work at 7am with her sister as she couldn't get there otherwise.
Then she was there 2 hours after her shift finished waiting for her sister to finish to drive her home.
I asked why he didn't drive her to work?
She said he didn't offer.
(It's her bloody car )
Today she says she's going to the doctors with him as he has an apt in town and she wants to go in Zara but she doesn't think she can ..I said why ?
She says he will finish at docs and want to go home.
At this point I kind of snap and say..
Your a 38 year old woman you finish with him at the docs then go to Zara ! If he doesn't like it tough !
You then get your car keys and tell him to get the bus to work like everyone else without a car !
She says no I couldn't as he will sulk
Aibu or is she a total fool?

rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 11:32:10

So basically she sat in the staff room for 3 hours waiting for her shift to start.

CripsSandwiches Thu 28-Feb-19 11:34:58

I don't know how to stop someone being a push over - not sure if telling her straight will have any affect or not, but I'm not surprised you snapped. Her boyfriend sounds like a lazy dick.

PlinkPlink Thu 28-Feb-19 11:35:03

Sometimes... when you're in that situation with an emotionally abusive partner, not dealing with the hassle is easier.

I know it's so frustrating to watch. You just want to shake her by the shoulders. All you can do is tell her you are worried for her, that she should be free and her plans should be as important as her partners.

You can't do any more than that I think.

forumdonkey Thu 28-Feb-19 11:35:50

She's a fool. You telling her it's doubtful she'll listen but like you, I'd have said the same to my friend

rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 11:36:08

I don't think he's emotionally abusive to her.
I don't understand why she lets him dictate to her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 28-Feb-19 11:37:04

I can't believe it's taken you this long to be honest.

And can't believe she's putting up with being treated like an utter doormat.

But I'd also be worried. Why is she putting up with it? Is she afraid of him? Is he abusive to her behind closed doors?

rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 11:39:29

She has a daughter with him and is 5 months pregnant so I guess nothings gonna change now.

Funnyface1 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:08:21

I want to shake her. I don't even know her but that has infuriated me somehow.

rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 12:23:57

We never see each other anymore as she's always with him.
It's past the point of being pathetic

Asta19 Thu 28-Feb-19 12:40:45

I had a friend like that and her partner really wasn't abusive. I spent a fair bit of time with them both over the years. He could be a bit of a dick at times, but it wasn't abuse. But yes he did sulk and whinge sometimes, and she was very insecure. She'd had an awful childhood and was madly in love with him so just wanted to "make him happy" all the time to her own detriment. She had this awful fear of him leaving her. Even when he had an affair she sobbed and begged him not to leave her. She just had no self respect and I really felt for her, as I knew what she'd gone through as a child. So while I did want to shake her sometimes, I also understood why she acted that way.

Could it be something similar with your friend? Is she an insecure person?

rosesareredvioletsareblu Thu 28-Feb-19 14:13:55

She's not normally insecure no.
He is the only person she's ever been with and I think because she's now pregnant that she feels more like she has to hold onto him.

hannonle Thu 28-Feb-19 14:42:43

Hang on, she's pregnant and he makes her have a massively long day at work because he wants to use her car? WTF?
She's dating a man-child who has no respect for her.

FriarTuck Thu 28-Feb-19 15:03:28

I asked why he didn't drive her to work? She said he didn't offer.
Why did she not just say 'you can have my car but you need to drive me to work & pick me up'?

Wild123 Thu 28-Feb-19 15:13:25

Its controlling and prob emotional abuse.. she knows if he doesn't get his own way he will sulk.

He's also a dick to let his pregnant OH go to work early and leave late just because he wants HER car.

PlinkPlink Thu 28-Feb-19 16:24:42

The sulking when he doesn't get his way, despite it being entirely selfish, screams emotional abuse.

I was in a similar relationship.. He ground me down.
In the end I left... But at the time I couldn't see it. And it wasn't until much more reflection after our split that I realised how controlling and abusive he was. He wasn't the world's worst, don't get me wrong, but he certainly wasn't great either.

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