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Playground party invites

(246 Posts)
Shinyletsbebadguys Thu 28-Feb-19 09:07:17

Firstly I do accept maybe I'm being oversensitive about this and I have no intention of bothering the school with such minutaie (I don't rate ds1 teacher very highly but I do believe teachers work extremely hard and it's insane to ask them to police the playground politics)


Three times in the last three weeks , discounting half term , I've seen this but today was the most overt

Standing today waiting for the class door to open a mum handed her dd a pack of obvious party invites , she loudly said " go and give them to the lucky ones "

The little girl then went and gave her invites out to a few children then went to one little girl and went to hand an envelope then laughed and said "oh I forgot not you " ...the poor child she had played this trick on was crestfallen , The mother smiled and said " oh sorry not everyone can be chosen and lucky enough"

The little girl approached ds1 and I could see what was coming (please see explanation below and I have never seen her interact with ds1 so they are not friends ) I glared at the mother with an absolute death glare (after years of prison work in my early career my death glare is second to none ) and kept her eyes ...she wisely stepped in and told the little girl another invitee had arrived. I was so angry , Ds1 bless him is oblivious to things a lot and I doubt had seen the interaction or understood it really (He prefers to live in dinosaur land sometimes )

So I am not accused of drip feeding ds1 has extra needs and I fully recognise (not that I would ever ever indicate to him) he isn't the most popular boy in the class, he has struggled making friends and I know the other children find him odd and a bit unusual

He is lovely kind and funny and imaginative but I get the dynamics and I'm teaching him that he's wonderful as he is and doesn't have to be included in everything , it's not an entitlement and to believe in how wonderful he is and play with the friends he wants to play with.

I don't believe people should have to invite everyone in the class at all , I really believe child's choice but whilst this was particularly overt I have seen similar

Aibu in being annoyed that this dynamic is being encourage by some parents ? I guess I feel if ds1 was only inviting a few to the party I would ask him to be considerate on how he gave the invites out and I absolutely would not allow him to play such a trick on another child

It's hard to translate tone but the mother really had an exceptionally nasty tone and thoroughly enjoyed her dd being the purveyor of the special invites publicly excluding certain children.

Of course really what would I do about it ? Nothing is what , I'm not going to make a scene , it's not the little girls fault she's encouraged to behave like that , and it's not the schools problem ,so I will continue teaching ds1 that he is wonderful and lovely and doesn't need others approval but it did make me angry

I'm usually the furthest thing from PFB honestly but perhaps I am being silly being annoyed about this
It's not the biggest issue in the world , hell it's not even the biggest issue for me this hour but it does niggle a bit.

I'm genuinely curious as to perspectives , it's not about the lack of invite but more about the encouraging children to be so exclusive publicly and not just being a tiny bit considerate ?

Barrenfieldoffucks Thu 28-Feb-19 09:33:12

Urgh, that actually hurt my heart a little. Who does shit like that?

diddl Thu 28-Feb-19 09:36:42

"Not everyone can be chosen and lucky enough"

I think the non invitees have dodged a bullet there!

It's a kids party, not the second coming!

That said-what an insensitive twit that mother is.

Could she not have discreetly handed to the adults collecting?

waterrat Thu 28-Feb-19 09:37:37

I've experienced similar.

I think it's a balance - I would never hand out party invitations in front of children who were not invited - I think it's very bad manners.

However - if it happens (and it does happen) it's a good lesson in resilience for your kids.

Remember as they get older they will know - from talking to each other - when they are not invited to a party. I found that actually they were never bothered even if I was - so don't transmit your worries.

The woman was an arse however.

Yabbers Thu 28-Feb-19 09:39:27

I’m afraid I would have called her out on this one, made a fuss of the other girl and made it clear that wasn’t acceptable. People only do this because they get away with it. They rely on people not “causing a scene” At the very least, I’d have made a sarcastic comment loudly to my child about how lucky they were not to have an invite.

It is difficult when kids hand out invites and some are left out, it’s an inevitable thing we have to teach our kids to deal with, but this woman is making it far worse than it needs to be.

StoppinBy Thu 28-Feb-19 09:39:41

Not unfair at all, my daughter recently had her birthday and invited a few friends from school, before we went in I explained that we would hand them out discretely so other kids didn't feel like they were missing out and that's exactly what she did, popped them in the lockers and quietly told her friends they were there.

That mother is a nasty cow and I actually think it would be ok to talk to the school about it in this instance, not only did she hand them out in front of everyone but she acted like a bully to other kids.

pinkfluffybunny Thu 28-Feb-19 09:40:43

It's cruel and horrible. I bet if the parents of the 'horrid child' seen this happening the their child, they'd have something to say.

I've had this happen to my child, it it was the teacher who handed out the invites! We couldn't quite believe it. The mother had handed the invites to the teacher to hand out discreetly, but instead, handed them out in the line up before going into school.

My husband was about to go and complain as it wasn't very nice to see the disappointment on the children's faces who didn't get invited, but decided to see if it happened again. Luckily, the teacher doesn't do this now, so I'm wondering if another parent has had a word.

We all know that not every child can be invited to every party, but to do what the child did in the op, then that's just awful. And for the parent to allow her child to do this is even worse.

timeisnotaline Thu 28-Feb-19 09:41:10

I think you have to mention it to the teacher, but agree not sure what they can do. I too think ideally I would have gone to the little girl and said loudly are you ok, that wasn’t kind was it? We get sad sometimes when people are unkind.
And death stare the mum all the way. Possibly muttering as I went past nobody is lucky for your child to be their friend as long as your poor child has such stinkers for parents.

Barrenfieldoffucks Thu 28-Feb-19 09:41:19

And I would absolutely make the teacher aware that the children are in effect bullying others with the encouragement and help of their mothers.

JumpOrBePushed Thu 28-Feb-19 09:41:23

That’s really mean.

I know people can’t always do whole class parties, but I do think they should try and be discreet about it if they’re not inviting everyone.

And for a parent to encourage their child to be deliberately mean like that to children not invited is just awful.

spiderlight Thu 28-Feb-19 09:41:25

That is just so nasty and insensitive. I've seen it happen and dealt with the aftermath when it was done to my DS. if we ever had a party to which only a small number were invited, I organised it via texts to the mums - would never have done it in the playground.

Springwalk Thu 28-Feb-19 09:42:18

Steer clear of said mother, and be aware every single other parent will thinking the same thing as you (and us)

VelvetPineapple Thu 28-Feb-19 09:42:55

Report it to the school. My school had a policy that party invites couldn’t be handed out on school premises for exactly this reason.

ananas2019 Thu 28-Feb-19 09:45:04

Def no acceptable. Write to the school Headmaster. These things usually gets worse so do not ignore the signs.

Morgan12 Thu 28-Feb-19 09:45:06

I can't believe the mother! If my child did that to another child their party would be cancelled.

purpleelk Thu 28-Feb-19 09:45:49

Never mind what the child did. It’s the mother that needs reporting to the school for behaving like that toward another child.

I agree with the other poster - my heart hurt a little reading that. I would have completely lost my shite and dignity in your place and marched her up to the teacher/office then and there. What sort of an asswipe do you need to be to be an adult who says that to a small child?! Cunt.

Well done you for keeping your composure.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Thu 28-Feb-19 09:46:00

How sad is this that the other mother is bringing their child up like this....the lucky ones?? Good grief I am embarrassed for her....You are not being unreasonable OP in your thinking.

LadyR77 Thu 28-Feb-19 09:46:18

YANBU - the mother is vile and is clearly teaching her daughter to be just the same way. How awful.

faw2009 Thu 28-Feb-19 09:46:37

For us, party invites are usually done via parents' whatsapp messages now, bypassing the kids altogether!

I agree the HT could pass a message via regular newsletter about showing sensitivity regarding party invites.

CouldntThink Thu 28-Feb-19 09:49:17

I think I would have said ‘wow that was mean’, or similar. How nasty.

I would mention it to the teacher as it’s a horrible way to behave. In my DC’s school we give the invitations to the teacher and they put them in book bags, or we give them straight to the parents.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Thu 28-Feb-19 09:49:33

Nah the mum is a nasty bitch

Shinyletsbebadguys Thu 28-Feb-19 09:49:53

Perhaps I should have said something ...I do recognise I implicitly allowed it to continue

My thought process is that I didn't want to shame the little girl she's clearly doing what she has been taught

If I'm honest I just wasn't quick enough off be Mark by the time I had glared and the child had moved away to the new invitee the teacher opened the door

Hmmm yes I need to be quicker and if I see it again I'll call the parent out I don't like the thought that I tacitly allowed it ....

Purplecatshopaholic Thu 28-Feb-19 09:50:14

That mother is an absolute horror. I feel sorry for the daughter.

downcasteyes Thu 28-Feb-19 09:51:24

Ugh, the mother sounds vile and the daughter sounds like the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. If I had a child who deliberately taunted another child for being excluded from their party, that would be the end of the birthday party as punishment. Such cruel behaviour needs to be firmly and decisively stopped.

StepAwayFromGoogle Thu 28-Feb-19 09:52:31

DD1 goes to infant school in September. I swear if there are mums like this at her school I am going to call them out on their shit every single time. I may not be popular. But, seriously, who encorages their children to behave like this? You can be kind and considerate in life or you can be spiteful and mean, and they've chosen to teach their children to be the latter. Horrid pieces of work.

bettytaghetti Thu 28-Feb-19 09:52:56

That mother is just nasty and it sounds like the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

Well done you for heading her off with your death stare! Do you give lessons? grin

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