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AIBU?

Heckling, street harassment, hate crime?

26 replies

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 06:19

I came out of the gym last night, whilst walking to my car a white van drove by from behind me and three guys were leaning out their van window shouting/leering at me. They turned at the side junction right in front of me and continued shouting and harrassing me.

Nothing new I know, but being the upper end of middle age this has not happened for a while. I was terrified, it was dark, no one was around, my heart started racing and I felt very threatened. I ran to my car and locked the doors before driving off.
The incident brought back a stream of memories of similar incidences and worse through the years. Why do men do this? Who are these men who do this? Pack mentality!

Aibu to think this is a hate crime? Intimidation and harassment simply because I am female.

OP posts:

Report

GottaGoGottaGo · 28/02/2019 07:39

I'm definitely in the upper end of middle age as you put it and a bit on the plump side to be honest, but if this happened to me (and something similar has), I would have properly yelled "tossers" (I did) after them and laughed. I'd have assumed they were drunk. But then I'm pretty hard to offend and certainly wouldn't have felt threatened especially since they didn't stop or get out of the van.

Sorry you felt that way though, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2019 07:49

It's street harassment.

It should be a hate crime, but the legislation will never get passed, whilst there's the old Dinosaurs still in Parliament.

We couldn't even get up-skirting, passed.

Vulpine · 28/02/2019 07:51

Well the worst harassment I've had on the streets is being called a fucking cunt and the like from car drivers and pedestrians when I'm cycling. Should that be included?

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 07:52

It's not a hate crime, it's people being tossers. You also get women shouting at men, and at other women. Some people are just wankers. Ignore them. All they want is attention because they're sad little inadequates. Don't give it to them and they'll give up.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2019 07:53

Easy said than done, but Please do not like wankers like intimidate you.
Do you think for one second they'd have opened their traps if you'd have been with your 6ft tall rugby type bloke.

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 07:58

Vulpine

Yes of course that is street harassment.

OP posts:

Duchessgummybuns · 28/02/2019 07:59

Sorry this happened, regardless of your age it’s very intimidating.

I had it from some council workers in the summer, didn’t hear what they said but I had my earbuds in, looked up to see them leering out of their van as they passed. Imagine my horror when 20 mins later I reached my destination and those same blokes were working outside on the road and I had to put up with it a second time not envy

Hope I’m not derailing your post with my story, but MN Jury, would I have been justified in calling the council to make a complaint? I didn’t at the time

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:00

definitely in the upper end of middle age as you put it and a bit on the plump side to be honest, but if this happened to me (and something similar has), I would have properly yelled "tossers" (I did) after them and laughed. I'd have assumed they were drunk. But then I'm pretty hard to offend and certainly wouldn't have felt threatened especially since they didn't stop or get out of the van.

They were not drunk, one was driving.

OP posts:

HoneysuckIejasmine · 28/02/2019 08:06

No, targeting someone on the basis of their sex is not considered a hate crime. Race, religion, disability, etc are rightly protected characteristics, but not sex. Because then the police would never have time to tackle anything else perhaps?

GiveMeSteam · 28/02/2019 08:08

You also get women shouting at men, and at other women.

Do you seriously believe what you’ve written there? Women typically drive around screaming abuse at men and other women on the street?

BlueJeansNiceTop · 28/02/2019 08:09

@Birdsgottafly The up skirting law has now been passed

GottaGoGottaGo · 28/02/2019 08:10

@Butterpup

They were not drunk, one was driving.

Sadly not an indication that they weren't drunk. But that bit is kind of irrelevant, it's just what would have passed through my mind.

kaytee87 · 28/02/2019 08:12

My mum (60s), myself and my baby (at the time) DS were on our way to church on a Sunday morning a van came speeding into the car park almost hitting my pram so I did the 'slow down' gesture and pointed to the pram.
They came speeding back towards us, swerved suddenly away and shouted 'fuck off you fucking prostitutes!' Out the window. 2 young guys.
I've come to the conclusion that there are unfortunately lots of men who seem to hate women.

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:14

Sadly not an indication that they weren't drunk. But that bit is kind of irrelevant, it's just what would have passed through my mind.

Well what passed through my mind was that there are three of them, they’re hanging out the window shouting at me, they could stop the van and get out. I had better run!
At no stage did I think I’ll laugh this one off.

OP posts:

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 08:16

Do you seriously believe what you’ve written there? Women typically drive around screaming abuse at men and other women on the street?
Yes, some women do. Generally a certain type of woman of a certain age. Equally I see very few men driving around shouting out of the window at women so it's not like most men drive around looking for women to hurl abuse at.

FriarTuck · 28/02/2019 08:17

I've come to the conclusion that there are unfortunately lots of men who seem to hate women
But reading Mumsnet you could easily come to the conclusion that there are a lot of women who hate men. More likely that some men hate women, and some women hate men, and the rest have other views.

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:18

Kaytee87

That sounds dreadful but unsurprising sadly.

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apparentlysoso · 28/02/2019 08:19

Not a very big proportion friar---- you are just being facetious.

GottaGoGottaGo · 28/02/2019 08:21

Well what passed through my mind was that there are three of them, they’re hanging out the window shouting at me, they could stop the van and get out. I had better run! At no stage did I think I’ll laugh this one off

And that's fair enough, but you did post in AIBU and I was just offering my opinion that I personally wouldn't have felt it was a big deal. I didn't say you couldn't or shouldn't feel that way... I did say I was sorry you felt that way in my first post. I wasn't looking for an argument as to who's feelings are "correct".

FreeButtonBee · 28/02/2019 08:21

I had this last night, leaving work at 11pm in the City. Guy in a suit shouted something disgusting (sexual) at me as he walked past right in my ear. I am late 30s, not exactly a looker (particularly after the week I’ve had).

Fucking dick head.

Also was harassed on the tube last autumn in a really intimidating way.

I honestly hadn’t had an issue in London in absolutely years so I defo feeel it’s got worse recently

sackrifice · 28/02/2019 08:24

Generally a certain type of woman of a certain age.

What 'type' of woman and what age are you talking about here?

I've genuinely never seen a group of women driving around and jeering at men out the window at night.

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:25

Duchess

I think you should have reported.

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Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:29

I just asked my DP.
He has never been shouted at by a woman on the street or from a car ever.
I couldn’t not even count the amount of times I have been heckled on the street, on the train, on a beach etc. by men.

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Butterpup · 28/02/2019 08:33

Freebuttonbee

That sounds dreadfully typical.

I just wonder who are these men are that choose to actively intimating and harrassing women. They are people’s sons, husbands and siblings etc. Why do they not understand it is awful to be on the receiving end of it, especially late at night on your own?

OP posts:

Butterpup · 28/02/2019 10:31

What is being done about this?
Third of girls harrassed in school uniform!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45777787

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