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Friend no show at wedding and no contact

(18 Posts)
Virginia1980 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:37:05

A friend (call him Bob) and his wife failed to show up to our wedding, despite having RSVP'd and later saying how much they were looking forward to it (a couple of days before via text). The wedding was a full day with drinks package, sit down meal etc and so there were two empty places and meals served to empty chairs, a bit awkward for those sitting either side and of course it was fairly costly to us as it was around £120 ph. To contextualise this friendship, I've known Bob for years working in our sector (working with vulnerable people) and we have been through a lot of fairly life-changing / 'bonding' challenges as part of a close team of colleagues, hence me wanting to include him and his wife on the day as a thank you and acknowledgement of how much I've valued his support. However he's not a close personal friend who I would generally see socially on a one-to-one basis at the weekend, or talk about really deep down personal stuff. My wedding was at new year after which we flew off on honeymoon for 3 weeks, and then went back to work and I never got round to contacting him, but I have heard nothing from him either.
I'm not sure if I should feel worried in case he's not well? Or annoyed he never got in touch? Or if I should do anything? Time slipped by after the wedding so quickly and we were so busy that I just never got round to contacting him and now I think it feels a bit random and awkward as to how to word any contact. He has had some anxiety issues in the past sometimes so I don't know if that has hit him. WWYD?

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty Wed 27-Feb-19 22:39:28

Just send a message saying hey, things have been hectic since the wedding but I missed you and your wife there and haven't heard from you, I'm just wondering is everything ok, are you well?

covetingthepreciousthings Wed 27-Feb-19 22:39:42

Can you check any of his social media? Or ask any friends whether him & his wife are Ok?

Since it was only days before that they had texted to say they were looking forward to it, I'd be inclined to think something may have happened that's made them forget - sudden illness maybe?

If it turns out they were just a no show because they didn't want to go however.. they've been extremely rude.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 27-Feb-19 22:41:14

I think you could just email and say hi, we missed you at the wedding, was everything ok? Hope all is good with you?

It’s rude to not show up, with no explanation or follow up at all. Maybe something had happened, and is still happening, but you haven’t been told, and it’s ok to ask.

WednesdaySpinner Wed 27-Feb-19 23:23:03

Agree, just send a message to say that you hope everything is ok after they didn’t make the wedding. Hopefully there is an explanation, however it is rude to just not show up or contact you afterwards.

BuildingBackUp Thu 28-Feb-19 00:49:52

Op we had this with a couple at our wedding.

It was a work colleague of dh’s he’d known for years...we wouldn’t socialise with them lots but had been on work nights out, very friendly at work, we’d been invited to their wedding etc...the person had recently retired.

They rsvp’d and dh spoke to his friend less than 48 hours before and she said she was looking forward.

They didn’t show. Dh was really worried, imagining car accidents/sudden illness etc.

He tried unsuccessfully to contact them for days and honestly, we thought they were dead or something. We found out they were actually fine through mutual friends and there’d been no disasters that anyone knew of.

That was 5 years ago and we’ve never heard from them since shock

FreeButtonBee Thu 28-Feb-19 01:01:42

I had a friend who did this. Later found out her husband found out she was having an affair the day before our wedding. Awks! We had to cover the cost of their room at the hotel which wasn’t ideal but managed to give a family member a treat of staying over when they normally wouldn’t have done so.

mumofthreebutmoretocome Thu 28-Feb-19 01:03:26

One of DH's friends (ex work colleague) didn't turn up for our wedding. He sent a brief message after stating "car troubles" and DH hasn't heard from him since!

NunoGoncalves Thu 28-Feb-19 01:17:18

Just send a message saying hey, things have been hectic since the wedding but I missed you and your wife there and haven't heard from you, I'm just wondering is everything ok, are you well?

This. Nobody is going to be surprised or feel slighted that you didn't immediately ask after them during your wedding/honeymoon! The whole idea of a honeymoon is not to be thinking of anyone but yourselves!

SlangBack Thu 28-Feb-19 01:17:33

Send him some cake a message, maybe he forgot & is embarresed.

Monty27 Thu 28-Feb-19 01:24:16

You have either been ghosted or something is wrong. It wouldn't do any harm to call him to see if he's ok. Then at least you'll know. If it is a ghosting you can take it from there.

JumpOrBePushed Thu 28-Feb-19 01:46:10

Just send a message saying hey, things have been hectic since the wedding but I missed you and your wife there and haven't heard from you, I'm just wondering is everything ok, are you well?

^^ this. Something may have cropped up and for whatever reason a message about it didn’t get through.

We had one couple who didn’t make it to our wedding because one of them had had an accident resulting in emergency surgery the day before our wedding. A mutual friend passed on the news about the accident, otherwise we wouldn’t have known why they weren’t there, the couple clearly had far more on their minds right then than calling us to cancel.

SkinnyPete Thu 28-Feb-19 01:54:12

Happened to me. No longer friends. Total disrespect.

radishingravish Thu 28-Feb-19 01:54:20

I agree with previous posters. Just message and say you missed him at the wedding, you were looking forward to seeing him and were wondering if everything was okay.

Obviously it seems rude to not show up to a wedding which you have RSVPed to, but their are many acceptable reasons that this could have happened. If you invited him even if you are not 'close' I would presume you are on terms where you care about each other, so it is perfectly reasonable to enquire about his wellbeing.

PregnantSea Thu 28-Feb-19 02:27:46

It does sound like something might have
happened. I'd wait to get the full story before getting annoyed at him.

whinetime89 Thu 28-Feb-19 03:04:38

2 couples did this to us at our wedding. With no explanation. So fricken rude

YoThePussy Thu 28-Feb-19 03:21:01

I did this once as was in a car crash. I tried everything to contact my friend but couldn’t. I grovelled when I managed to speak to her and we are still good friends over 30 years on.

You shouldn’t need to but contact them and ask if there was a problem, anxiety issues do not excuse rudeness.

covetingthepreciousthings Sat 02-Mar-19 20:09:48

Any update OP?

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