Advanced search

AIBU and a Princess?

(143 Posts)
PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 21:50:13

I have the week off for my birthday.

My parents are coming that weekend and we are going out for dinner on the Saturday night. My birthday is on the Friday.

My husband arrives on the Friday and with him will be his two teenage daughters the Saturday night we are going out for dinner with my parents and 5 of our children.

I have been a bit in two minds what to do on my birthday as I am off work but obviously most of my friends and my husband are working. My best friend lives in another town and it’s her birthday a few days before mine and I will go and visit her.

My mum and dad now want to arrive a day early on my bday (meaning I will have 6 people to cook for) as they are meeting friends who live near here for lunch.

I have jokingly said that yes they can come if I am invited for lunch. Which they said is fine but - since they retired have become a bit obsessed with Wetherspoons (obvious reasons) whereas in the past have had more “refined” tastes. I have no problem with drinking in Wetherspoons but the two round here are really busy, so not very clean and I really really hate the food.

My dad is insisting we go there - argh what do I do just go along and suck it up.

What pisses me off a bit is it’s partly convenience for them they are coming on my birthday and my dad would not go and eat somewhere he didn’t want to.


marvellousnightforamooncup Wed 27-Feb-19 21:57:45

Just do what you want and meet them later. Don't cook for 6, get buffet type food or a takeaway.

AlmostAJillSandwich Wed 27-Feb-19 21:58:15

Yes, you are, don't crash their lunch.

64sNewName Wed 27-Feb-19 22:04:14

YWBU to suggest joining them for lunch if you don’t actually want to go where they’re going.

But as you’ve done that, I’m not sure you can dictate where they go. It doesn’t really matter that it’s your birthday given that you’ve invited yourself along, and you have another birthday meal lined up for the next day.

I’d either suck it up or if you really don’t fancy spending your birthday at Wetherspoons (I wouldn’t either), just say something’s come up and you’ll see them later on.

amy85 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:05:39

Yabu you can't crash their lunch and then demand to change the restaurant they are going too

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Wed 27-Feb-19 22:06:09

Do your own thing. Gate crashing at WS is not a good idea for a few reasons imo!!

formerbabe Wed 27-Feb-19 22:06:49

Just don't go for lunch.

Redglitter Wed 27-Feb-19 22:14:02

Ofcourse YABU They're coming early to meet friends. Let them get on with it. You weren't invited. If you insist on going you go where theyre choosing. Even jokingly suggesting they go elsewhere is downright rude. Let them have lunch with their friends

LL83 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:14:09

You are out for dinner on Saturday. Their lunch has been arranged so fine to join but not to change the plans.

Allow them to stay for their convenience because you care about them and it's nice for them to catch up with friends. Dont cook Fri evening if you dont want to. Takeaway or pizzas.

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:14:22

I think I feel a bit fucked off about the whole thing tbh.

Step children here so I’ll have to cook and can’t go out (which I did for years as a single mum but now my kids are adults). Parents staying here that day because it’s convenient and they forgot I was off and organising a meal around everyone’s shifts and having to pay for the kids blah blah.

I am just being a miserable cow. There are loads of nice pubs along there.

I have a friend who always tries to change the venue but never organises anything so I know how irritating that it - I guess it’s just because it’s my birthday.

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:16:24

If I don’t go for lunch I will spend the day here probably getting dinner ready as we can’t afford a takeaway as going out on the sat.

64sNewName Wed 27-Feb-19 22:22:51

You could designate yourself an alternative birthday earlier in the week and do your own preferred thing that day. You’ve got the whole week off, you said?

I would not call you a princess, but I do think adults need to accept that their birthday isn’t always going to be a big deal or tailored to their preferences. I like to do something nice for my own bd (alone though, because that’s far more of a treat for me. So it’s easier to arrange...) but I do not expect it to necessarily be on the actual day, because life and other people’s needs often crop up. I just do it sometime around then.

MiddleClassProblem Wed 27-Feb-19 22:23:09

Just get a shove in the oven dinner or get DH and Dsds to pick something up and “cook” for you. Bugger off and do the day that makes you happy. Or a lunch at very least.

BackforGood Wed 27-Feb-19 22:25:38

Of course YABcompletelyU

You can't invite yourself to someone else's lunch and then insist they change the venue hmm
You are being ridiculous.

Stargazer888 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:28:22

Why do you have to cook for them? I'd just order takeaway,

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:29:28

They have asked to come and stay here and as my parents are aware it’s my birthday and I will be cooking in the evening.

I wouldn’t dream of going to stay with my child on their birthday and do my own thing.

I think I wish we had swapped weekends with them kids tbh.

DH and I only see each other weekend and our first wedding anniversary last year fell in a weekend we had his kids. We took them to lunch with us and they were moody, rude, sniped at each other and picked really expensive things on the menu so Inpicked something cheap.

NCforthis2019 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:30:38

errrrmm - of course your being unreasonable. You invited yourself for their fiends catch up lunch, then want then to change the venue??! Why do you think you should be making that demand - they didnt even invite you in the first place!!

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:33:08

What person on here would really go and stay with their child/family member on their child/family members birthday and make arrangements for lunch and not invite them?!

And they don’t give a shit that I invited myself.

janetforpresident Wed 27-Feb-19 22:33:45

Why can't DH cook? On your birthday? Why on earth would you need to be cooking at lunchtime for an evening meal. Just take yourself out for the day somewhere you like or have always fancied going but never have arrive home just in time for DH to serve up your meal. Easy.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:33:51

Is this a joke?

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:34:50

DH can’t cook he’ll be travelling home with his kids.

janetforpresident Wed 27-Feb-19 22:35:03

But yes i think your parents should either have expected to do something with you on your birthday or not arrived until the Saturday as arranged. It's not normal to go and visit someone on their birthday and then swan off and do your own thing.

Wallsbangers Wed 27-Feb-19 22:35:05

YABU. Let them have their lunch.

Just buy a few supermarket pizzas or some buffet type food for the evening, then you (or someone else) only needs to pop things in the oven. Open wine, job done.

janetforpresident Wed 27-Feb-19 22:35:55

Just do ready meals then or something simple like pasta pesto. Don't spend half the day cooking

PooleySpooley Wed 27-Feb-19 22:36:15


Thank you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »