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Grabby birthday voucher request

(131 Posts)
GingerSpice84 Wed 27-Feb-19 21:43:08

Back story: A friend - let’s call her Emma- has a new (and very wealthy-relevant) boyfriend. He has a big birthday coming up and is having a huge party to celebrate. Emma asked my advice for how to word on the invitation that he wants to receive gift vouchers from a specific shop from his guests. I was quite shocked by this as, a) I’m not sure that you openly tell your guests what to buy, and b) the pair of them regularly and unashamedly tell us how wealthy he is.
I did suggest that it might be nicer to let people buy what they wanted but she had various reasons for not wanting this (I.e. he doesn’t drink anything apart from X, he’s already set up in his home etc). She also said that the party was costing X number of thousands of pounds (as if that justifies shamelessly requesting gift vouchers from your guests).
Is it a reasonable request or is it a bit grabby? Wouldn’t it be nicer to say, no presents please (especially as he is absolutely bundled-or so they say).
Happy to be told I’m BU and I’ll trot along to said shop and no doubt massively overspend on the vouchers in an attempt not to look tight.

coconutpie Wed 27-Feb-19 21:48:57

YANBU. He's a CF.

squeefy Wed 27-Feb-19 21:50:08

grabby to me. as a guest i`d either not go to get out of giving or put a voucher for £1 if possible in a card!

FairyMoppings Wed 27-Feb-19 21:52:31

I wouldn't go to the party. Massive cf. It's grabby, yes. But even more so when you're minted and everyone knows it.

PeterPiperPickedWrong Wed 27-Feb-19 21:53:11

I would decline the invitation so not get him anything grin
YANBU but it sounds like if people bought him a gift it wouldn’t be good enough for him.

Sexnotgender Wed 27-Feb-19 21:53:23

YANBU. Money he may have but class he does not.

wombatsears Wed 27-Feb-19 21:53:36

Grabby! We had this - a friend’s husband requested friend got driving lesson vouchers for his birthday. We declined and got him a bottle of something instead. You don’t tell people what to buy as a gift. So rude imho.

Walnutwhipster Wed 27-Feb-19 21:54:43

So tacky.

WhoKnewBeefStew Wed 27-Feb-19 21:54:47

YANBU! He’s a CF and not bloody 5 yrs old. You have a party to celebrate with family and friends, not to receive presents

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 27-Feb-19 21:54:55

I wouldn’t go! adults shouldn’t be demanding presents, minted or not. If they don’t want to spend that much money on a party than don’t have a party.

GingerSpice84 Wed 27-Feb-19 21:56:41

Thank you for your replies. I’m so glad I’m not alone in thinking this; it really got my back up but I was wondering if it was just me. We have to go as she’s a good friend but we’ve met him 3 times in total. What is the right amount to give him? Can you blatantly ignore the voucher request?!

MistyMinge Wed 27-Feb-19 21:58:26

I've never been to an adults party where they've asked for a particular present. All of them have specifically requested that no one buys presents. What a knob.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Wed 27-Feb-19 21:58:34

Yeh ignore- take him a bottle and a card.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 27-Feb-19 21:58:51

They both sound tacky as fuck.

MrsExpo Wed 27-Feb-19 21:59:02

Definitely not BU and very grabby indeed.

—Now desperate to know which shop—

redexpat Wed 27-Feb-19 21:59:04

Im quite happy with lists. Although I do usually ask them if there is somethinf theyd like.

MrsMoastyToasty Wed 27-Feb-19 21:59:12

I thought that this was going to be about a parent demanding vouchers for a child, not for an adult.
Just give a card.

redexpat Wed 27-Feb-19 22:00:58

Met him 3 times? I hereby change my verdict to Grabby. Why eould you invite someone you barely know to your party?

ChakiraChakra Wed 27-Feb-19 22:01:11

You don't have to go at all! SHE is your friend, not the bloke you've met three times. And you certainly don't have to buy a present for a bloke you've met 3 times - a card would suffice for any normal person

FairyMoppings Wed 27-Feb-19 22:03:01

What is the right amount to give him?

Nothing. You've met him 3 times. You don't know him. What's he gonna do, throw a hissy fit and tell you to piss off for not bringing him a gift, in front of everyone?

Course he isn't. Take a bottle of plonk and a bday card

Fraula Wed 27-Feb-19 22:11:32

Spend however much you'd normally spend. I'd just get a £10 voucher and wouldn't care if it looked tight as it's all I can afford and all I'd want to spend.

caringcarer Wed 27-Feb-19 22:18:42

He is not your friend, so you are really busy that day or you have to go off somewhere, shame you can't go. Just send a card.

PQ77 Wed 27-Feb-19 22:22:22

The only birthday party requests I have ever had from an adult have been for “no presents please” or a polite suggestion that a donation is made to a special charity close to the birthday celebrators heart (as in please don’t get me anything but if you really want to give to this Ugandan donkey sanctuary or such like).

NWQM Wed 27-Feb-19 22:23:04

We've had a few milestone birthday's were people have asked for vouchers towards a 'trip of a lifetime' or explained that they were looking to learn to drive etc & would value a contiribution. I personally don't have an issue with it as I'd rather get them something they wanted. I don't think that you should feel like you should anymore than you might. All of them waited to be asked which I think is a little different to putting it on the invite.

FruminousBandersnatch Wed 27-Feb-19 22:26:01

Really grabby. Does the shop do £10 vouchers? I'd get him that and present the voucher in a nice card.

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