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To absolutely hate rough play

(15 Posts)
FierceMother Wed 27-Feb-19 19:34:36

Name changed again, family are on here

... With my kids from ANYONE.

I hated rough play and being tickled growing up and my parents tended to go past my comfort point and don't listen to the word stop.

They're the same still and I've had to very loudly tell them to stop with my DS who is only 4 when I can see he's uncomfortable.
My FIL is the same and I absolutely hate it!

How are the children supposed to learn that they can say no and stop if the adults in their life don't listen to them?!

Aibu and wibu to tell everyone that rough play is off the table full stop from now on?

Babymamamama Wed 27-Feb-19 19:36:59

YANBU. I actually think tickling very young children is a mild form of abuse. How can they consent? The power differential is too great. But I'm very anti tickling as I can't stand it for myself either.

FierceMother Wed 27-Feb-19 19:38:30

It really pisses me off actually cos when I have told to stop them before - they make it out as though I'm being precious!

My ds knows if he says that's enough with me that I instantly stop.

But apparently they're 'just playing' 😡

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 27-Feb-19 19:40:25

No I’m wasn’t keen either; for some reason it made me very anxious and I tended to stop my two boys. DH has never really done this sort of play with them either.

I think there are some studies that say it is a good thing though.

My boys have grown up pretty gentle but sporty and fairly fearless about physical stuff so I don’t think lack of it has done them any harm.

HappyPunky Wed 27-Feb-19 19:40:55

Tell FIL loudly to stop like with your parents and get your DS back. DS will know then that you back him up. His dad should be doing the same but if he isn't at least DS knows you're there.

Yanbu at all.

PresidentHump Wed 27-Feb-19 19:42:25

Rough play is really important for development. Google it.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty Wed 27-Feb-19 19:45:00

I love a good tickle session, with the kids or my OH (specially OH, his laugh is hilarious). But there's a line. My dad would have me pinned to his knees, tickling me under the chin and its just as horrid now as it was as a child but I can fight someone back now.

FierceMother Wed 27-Feb-19 19:47:47

I do stop it when I'm there but in laws look after ds quite often, they're very keen to take him out on day trips - they were very overly excited to become grandparents. MIL does stand up to FIL and tell him but sadly he doesn't seem to respect her.

My DH and I rough play with DS but it's more wrestling and teaching him boxing and if he ever says stop then we stop.

WeCameToDance Wed 27-Feb-19 19:48:40

YANBU I really really dislike it. I hated it myself as a child. Its horribly invasive and I hated that if somebody refuses to stop, quite often the child will lash out and then its the childs fault for lashing out even when they clearly were not enjoying it.
My son will ask for tickles but he knows that ill stop whenever he says he has had enough.

FierceMother Wed 27-Feb-19 19:51:15

EXACTLY! My DS may one day just turn round and hit out at them in defence if they don't listen to him say stop - am I then supposed to tell him off?!

I think I'm just going to say it all has to stop with everyone.

Waveysnail Wed 27-Feb-19 19:54:25

Stop means stop and no means no. Always taught kids that (and remind dh when kids say stop and he carries on)

zippey Wed 27-Feb-19 20:31:38

You mean tickling than rumours play don’t you. Rough play is very important for development. Tickling is ok to an extent but not when you go too far. It’s a false positive because people laugh but they aren’t enjoying themselves.

I wouldn’t say that tickling was rough play though.

Susiesoop Wed 27-Feb-19 20:38:24

Tickling and rough play are different. Rough play (with consent) is a Thing, good for tension release, bonding etc, lots of giggling. Really healthy psychological thing books written on it (Playful Parenting) etc and actually something we do quite naturally even when not a Thing 😂 play wrestling/chasing games... animals in the wild etc. Tickling, not a fan of. Again backed up with childcare research, takes away a child's 'choice' of reaction, you have to laugh even though you have it. Tickling is a weird thing really. Actually some kids do like it and that of course is fine as the consent is there. So above all: consent!

DisplayPurposesOnly Wed 27-Feb-19 20:45:52

So your issue isn't rough play, or even ticking; it's your parents and in-laws not respecting other people's bodily autonomy.

Nothing wrong with rough play or tickling, but it must be done with respect.

Oakenbeach Wed 27-Feb-19 20:53:18

I agree your issue is with excessive tickling against the wishes of your children. It is a form of abuse dressed up as fun (look how much they’re laughing hmm).

I once started a thread wanting to explore boundaries with tickling that got me thrown off MN due to people thinking I was a secret paedophile for wanting to discuss it! The fact that my innocent post could have been so misinterpreted clearly shows tickling can have a darker side.

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