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To feel that I will never be 'happy' ever again?

(4 Posts)
MotherToMany Wed 27-Feb-19 18:48:52

Whatever happy means, like just to feel all is OK in my world and to feel at peace/content kind of thing.

Due to a major fallout with my family, well not even a fallout, more a difference of opinion. They don't care if I'm alive or dead and too much time has passed to ever come back from it.

I don't get people who can just 'get over' something like this. I don't spend my entire life ruminating over it but it's always there to trip me up when I think I'm doing OK. Worse at family orientated times of year or when it just pops into my mind randomly or I see a woman my age going round Tesco with her elderly mother, or my neighbours sister comes to visit. The sadness is just all encompassing. I have a relatively good life which I'm told is the best revenge but this will never go away.

Anyone like to share stories/how you come back from stuff like this?

sheldonstwin Wed 27-Feb-19 18:57:45

I also have had long term estrangement from some close family members, and I also know that the position in my case too is irrevocable.I understand how you're feeling OP.

I too have moments of, well I suppose you'd call it jealousy, when I hear people talk affectionally about their families and the fun times they have. But I have had many years to reflect and I see that there was a poisonous dynamic at work within my family, and this has helped me to understand the situation.

I also now recognise that the family members who are not in my life are not very nice people, and never were. I honestly don't think that much has been lost by not having them in my life.

Also, therapy.

MyNameIsArthur Wed 27-Feb-19 19:28:50

I am sorry you are unhappy OP and are estranged from your family. And you too Sheldon.

I think it is probably a good idea to speak to a counsellor so you can work out everything in your head, so ask your doctor to refer you.

I suppose we are conditioned to thinking that we need to have our family in our lives and so even if family members make us unhappy, we still feel we need to keep in contact with them and it can make us feel awful if we fall out with them and lose contact.

However, I think we need to tell ourselves, that if family members are actually toxic, poisonous and not very nice people and make us very unhappy, then we don't have to have them in our lives. I think it is healthier for us to cut out all those in our lives who cause our lives to be unpleasant and unhappy, and we shouldn't feel bad about that. I don't mean people who we have the occasional fall out or disagreement with. I mean those who are deep down not very nice people who make our lives miserable.

I think OP that if the family members you are estranged from are not actually bad people then maybe it would be good for you to try and reach out to them and make amends. If they are not nice people, then don't feel bad about not having them in your life.

Fill your life with people who bring you joy and happiness and enhance your life in some way and are loving and supportive.

MutantDisco Wed 27-Feb-19 20:11:22

It's tricky to comment, not knowing the nature of your falling out, but 'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward is a helpful read. It highlights coping mechanisms and reframes situations.

I also agree with therapy.

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