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AIBU to expect civilised behaviour from my remote work colleagues?

(66 Posts)
Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 18:43:59

I work mostly from home and have a lot of online interaction with other international and remote workers. Aibu to expect them to respect the fact that they are ‘virtually’ in my own home and should therefore mind their manners? Especially when there are children in the house? I have an office in my home and I can shut the door - headphones are the obvious answer as far as the children are concerned, but do I really have to put up with unhinged language and behaviour?

Do others experience this as well?

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 23:14:59

Sorry - I cannot be more specific but otoh I have now said a few times that

- my office is separate from our living space
- DC inadvertently listened to the conversation
- I will wear a headset from now on after school in case this is happening again
- I do think i have a point that I should not be insulted in my own home, even during my working hours
- I have wfh for a few years and never encountered this sort of behaviour before

I have accepted many points in this thread and it has helped to clarify what the problem actually is, so thank you all. But I will not be sharing any more details.

eurochick Wed 27-Feb-19 21:39:51

If your colleague was trying to get information out of you on the call, I'm beginning to understand why they might have behaved unprofessionally...

Leighhalfpennysthigh Wed 27-Feb-19 21:32:23

This is nothing to do with your children and everything to do with a colleague bullying you. For gods sake go to HR about is as you can guarantee that he'll be like that with all women. As a professional you should not have to endure calls in which you are bullied or harassed. But leave your children out if it.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 21:24:24

1. report to hr
2. look for another job
3. tell kids you arelooking for another job as it's not worth it being treated like that BUT it might take time / not much out there as recession

but FGS don't let them think it's the norm in work to be verbally abused.

BackforGood Wed 27-Feb-19 21:22:25

YANBU to expect civilised behaviour from my remote work colleagues?. Of course you aren't.

This has nothing to do with you working from home, or working in an office. Or is you work with colleagues face to face or over Skype. You have a right to expect people to treat you with respect.

Your dc are a complete red herring, and you shouldn't bring them in to this conversation. If you are working from home, you need to have a workspace to do that - it is no-one else's fault if your dc are in the room.

However,
They had to listen to an abusive tirade that was launched on me. Basically a very sexist tirade interspersed with personal attacks.

You shouldn't have to listen to that.
You should tell them you won't be listening to them speaking to you and cut the call off. You should then report it to a manger.

But this has nothing to do with where you are working.

Dotty1970 Wed 27-Feb-19 21:19:03

If your teenagers! are getting upset you should be shielding them from it, I thought it was young children that just walk in as such.
This is pathetic.

Dotty1970 Wed 27-Feb-19 21:16:51

Omfg
Your just blanking most of the advice! Just be more specific, it's like getting blood from a stone!

You should not have your children around for them to hear anything whilst your working, you keep coming up with allsorts of answers. Keep your children away, go to greet them instead after school and wear a headset! Ffs.

Report the colleagues that are offending you.

And yes it is like this and worse in office environments, at least you don't have to be near them. Your fortunate.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 27-Feb-19 21:15:37

So this is nothing whatsoever to do with either working remotely or your children or even seemingly colleagues in general.

It’s about one person behaving badly. In which case, deal with it just as you would in any work environment - talk to your boss or your HR. No you shouldn’t have to put up with it so get it dealt with.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 21:09:45

I meant to say I don’t need childcare as such.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 21:09:14

My working day is supposed to end at 6 but everybody is working late. It is expected and my DCs are in their teens - they get upset, not because of the swearing, but because they think this is unacceptable behaviour.

goodwinter Wed 27-Feb-19 20:51:01

Honestly OP why post if you're going to make people drag information out of you?

Agree with PP that this sounds like you have a dickhead of a colleague that needs reporting to HR and/or line management. This is completely independent of WFH, your kids being around, etc.

mumwon Wed 27-Feb-19 20:40:08

have a recorded message before ANY interaction which states "all calls are recorded for training & other purposes" than record otherwise you might be in conflict with data laws BUT once this is stated it may put off prats talking to you like that & you will have legal recording you can use.

NannyRed Wed 27-Feb-19 20:35:33

But they are not in your home, they’re in their office, an adult environment. They shouldn’t have to behave for your children. You’re wrong for bringing your children into a workplace.

donquixotedelamancha Wed 27-Feb-19 20:34:26

@DanielRicciardosSmile
donquixote I knew without looking that was your post! grin

That may be the nicest compliment I've had. Thank you.

@OP. Basically a very sexist tirade interspersed with personal attacks. I am a woman and therefore I should not stick up for myself and do as I am told. I should behave more like a woman.

angry Behave like a woman then. A professional woman. Write down exactly what he said, word for word while it's fresh. Tomorrow, when you've had time to mull, write a grievance to HR and follow it up.

Your issue is nothing to do with the kids. Your issue is that it is not acceptable to make personal attacks or sexist generalisations.

Eve Wed 27-Feb-19 20:33:03

Work colleagues should most definitely not be more unhinged on skype.

I would expect the same standards of professional behaviour as in an office or face to face.

A tirade and personal attack’s should not be tolerated. Hang up and escalate / report immediately.

LimpidPools Wed 27-Feb-19 20:33:00

If it's one person behaving in a recognisably unprofessional, offensive or bullying manner then of course it's not acceptable. Not over skype, not in an office, not in any professional context.

If that's the case then the home office/skype issue is a red herring. It doesn't matter where you are working from, if this is a colleague and you have legitimate cause for complaint then that's exactly what you should do!

Etino Wed 27-Feb-19 20:31:24

Sounds awful. I’d not see it as remote working problem but an abusive collegue problem.

ILoveHumanity Wed 27-Feb-19 20:31:18

Can you record the conversation next time and report it

Holidayshopping Wed 27-Feb-19 20:29:52

This has nothing to do with you working from home. If your colleague was unprofessional, report them.

Are you working until 7pm with the children in the house? Would it be better to have some sort of childcare for them if you’re working? Apologies if they’re 16 or something, though then you probably wouldn’t be so worried by them hearing your colleagues.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 20:25:30

We have a big house but you can still hear what’s being said even through closed doors.
Point taken regarding headset - even if it makes the whole unpleasantness more unbearable.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:23:43

don't know why have assumed DC is girl.

same advice for boy.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:22:58

Just seen other post, you need to report to HR.

As for kid seeing mother abused well you can get that out on the street, do what you would do there, explain to kid that man is a total dick who obviosuly has real problems, to put it out of mind. and if anyone ever speaks to her like that it's wrong and she tells you.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:21:30

Then you go in a different room and shut the door.
If the only other room is the bog so be it.

So as not to expose your kid to that.

I don't understand.

PuppyMonkey Wed 27-Feb-19 20:17:52

Surely an abusive, sexist tirade from a colleague is something you need to report to a manager? Nothing to do with the fact you wfh.confused

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Wed 27-Feb-19 20:14:20

This thread is hard work!

It's really hard to give advice when the OP isn't clear and remains vague.

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