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AIBU to expect civilised behaviour from my remote work colleagues?

(66 Posts)
Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 18:43:59

I work mostly from home and have a lot of online interaction with other international and remote workers. Aibu to expect them to respect the fact that they are ‘virtually’ in my own home and should therefore mind their manners? Especially when there are children in the house? I have an office in my home and I can shut the door - headphones are the obvious answer as far as the children are concerned, but do I really have to put up with unhinged language and behaviour?

Do others experience this as well?

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:51:38

Unhinged as in unfiltered brain to mouth - no inhibitions - unprofessional and personal comments - no extreme swearing.

dontgobaconmyheart Wed 27-Feb-19 19:53:51

What actually is this behaviour though OP? Can you not request these people behave in a professional manner? It is ultimately hard to say without knowing the extent or what the level of appropriateness is. I get that if it makes you uncomfortable that must be a huge drain, but in terms of the children hearing etc, unfortunately YABU.

Working from home means you are at work during those hours, they aren't 'in' your home at all, you'd not be able to take the kids to work anywhere else so YABU to expect an already convenient work set up to be made even more convenient when it is your job, not something you are squeezing in to your day at home. Working at home with young kids isn't all it's cracked up to be for this reason.

Do you have a home office/childcare? Just curious about The circumstances that result in the kids being in the 'home office' while you're working- how old are they?

If childcare etc is an option you could work from a hired or shared co-working space/hotdesk scenario; lots of people do. Obviously we don't know the nature of your job or your employer but lots of companies who employ remote workers are on board with this. If the at-home situation doesn't work quite as it is there may well be tweaks you can make.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:55:07

I work long hours and yes at some point the kids come back from school. I usually work until 7 or so.

WeeDangerousSpike Wed 27-Feb-19 19:56:56

Is the language you're talking about 'reach out' and 'blue sky thinking' or similar? If so Yanbu.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 19:58:04

You need a headset as a start,
And / or not be taking calls in the same room as your child is.

We are AOK with a bit of background noise on the team >
eg I was cooking pasta the other day during a team meet but it was 19:30 and I do have a life and kids to feed!

In general though, during office hours, meetings with people who are not your direct colleagues and where you might have some agreed leeway, and most espeicalyl with clients, you need to maintain office levels of little background noise / distraction / random kids / TVs etc

Why are you workig with your kid in the room and not on a headset if you know your colleagues are a bit random?

Why didn't you up sticks and go into a different room and shut the door as soon as they started going on at you?

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 19:58:40

I get it that my children are my responsibility - I have worked from home before and never had the issue that I was uncomfortable with how people behaved towards me on calls. It’s the first time that it now strikes me as making me uncomfortable and unhappy.

Conniedescending Wed 27-Feb-19 19:58:58

Just get a headset - I use Skype all the time and use a headset so people can only hear me

I do t consider the people being invited until my home!

Sounds like someone was offloading tbh - v normal at work

WeeDangerousSpike Wed 27-Feb-19 19:59:29

Does Skype have the facility to record? I've never used it, so don't know.

If colleagues really are being that unprofessional then proof to take to HR would be your friend!

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:00:05

You need a headset.

Job done.

If your colleagues are out of order that's a different issue > to have a word / HR

Conniedescending Wed 27-Feb-19 20:01:42

Think it's unprofessional for your children to be hearing work conversations some of which are likely to be confidential or sensitive - do the people unspeakable with know they are speaking on a speaker phone? I expect colleagues to respect my privacy as well

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 20:04:24

Agreed I have to use a headset. I am on a different floor at the other end of the house anyway. My DC was coming upstairs to briefly say hello after school - which is completely acceptable and they know I am working and they don’t stay - they just come in for 2 minutes. They had to listen to an abusive tirade that was launched on me. Basically a very sexist tirade interspersed with personal attacks. I am a woman and therefore I should not stick up for myself and do as I am told. I should behave more like a woman.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 27-Feb-19 20:07:37

That doesn't sound like a remote worker problem be it doesn't sound like you need to ask them to be respectful of your home... it sounds like you need to make a complaint.

Purpleartichoke Wed 27-Feb-19 20:07:51

Your colleague should not be acting that way. Take it up with Hr, but do not mention your children, they are irrelevant.

-Signed someone who also works from home exclusively.

HunterHearstHelmsley Wed 27-Feb-19 20:08:03

There's often a toddler with me when I'm working from home. I don't tell my workmates that there is a toddler there as there shouldn't be.

If swearing etc. is normal in your work place then you need to get a headset to ensure young ears can't hear.

Xiaoxiong Wed 27-Feb-19 20:09:47

That has nothing to do with your children being present, working from home, or anything else. That's just straightforwardly unprofessional behaviour that would be unacceptable in any workplace. I'd be making detailed notes of what they said, when they said it, and making a complaint.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 20:11:53

I take the point that it’s not so much related to wfh but it makes it harder to deal with and even if DC can’t hear the other side as I should wear a headset, they will still hear me or notice that I am upset. I doubt this behaviour would occur in an office. I do think people are more unhinged on Skype.

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Wed 27-Feb-19 20:14:20

This thread is hard work!

It's really hard to give advice when the OP isn't clear and remains vague.

PuppyMonkey Wed 27-Feb-19 20:17:52

Surely an abusive, sexist tirade from a colleague is something you need to report to a manager? Nothing to do with the fact you wfh.confused

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:21:30

Then you go in a different room and shut the door.
If the only other room is the bog so be it.

So as not to expose your kid to that.

I don't understand.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:22:58

Just seen other post, you need to report to HR.

As for kid seeing mother abused well you can get that out on the street, do what you would do there, explain to kid that man is a total dick who obviosuly has real problems, to put it out of mind. and if anyone ever speaks to her like that it's wrong and she tells you.

NothingOnTellyAgain Wed 27-Feb-19 20:23:43

don't know why have assumed DC is girl.

same advice for boy.

Toolonguntilthenextholiday Wed 27-Feb-19 20:25:30

We have a big house but you can still hear what’s being said even through closed doors.
Point taken regarding headset - even if it makes the whole unpleasantness more unbearable.

Holidayshopping Wed 27-Feb-19 20:29:52

This has nothing to do with you working from home. If your colleague was unprofessional, report them.

Are you working until 7pm with the children in the house? Would it be better to have some sort of childcare for them if you’re working? Apologies if they’re 16 or something, though then you probably wouldn’t be so worried by them hearing your colleagues.

ILoveHumanity Wed 27-Feb-19 20:31:18

Can you record the conversation next time and report it

Etino Wed 27-Feb-19 20:31:24

Sounds awful. I’d not see it as remote working problem but an abusive collegue problem.

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