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To think if someone can sit for hours on Facebook they can reply to a text?

(13 Posts)
doordie Wed 27-Feb-19 09:00:09

Always the supportive friend but as soon as the tables are turned my friend does a disappearing act.
Going through a tough time at the minute so sent my friend a little text at 4pm yesterday.
She read it and hasn't replied
Yet she's been posting status to Facebook,playing games on Facebook etc.
I just think what type of friend can't spare a minute to reply to their friend?

QuirkyQuark Wed 27-Feb-19 09:18:28

I'm like that, I genuinely just forget 🤷🏻‍♀️ There's no malicious intent, I'm just quite forgetful sometimes.

MaMaMaMySharona Wed 27-Feb-19 09:28:18

I would be pretty offended if a friend of mine read a message from me when I was going through a hard time and 'forgot' to reply. How hurtful.

Something similar happened to me when I was going through a bad time a couple of years ago. My best friend is somewhat of a workaholic, she tends to work upwards of 12 hours a day most days, often more. My DF had recently passed away and I needed her support, but often my texts went unanswered. After a few weeks I pulled her up on it - gently, but also explaining that it made me feel pretty shit that she considered her work more important than helping out her best friend who'd just lost her DF. She completely understood and has (mostly) been a lot better since.

She still gets shit from me and plenty of other friends on how much she works though!

LeilaDarling Wed 27-Feb-19 09:44:27

This so resonates with me at the moment! Have supported a “best” friend tirelessly for many years, always supported and listened to her day in and out. Tables have turned and have had a difficult start to the year and she ignores texts yet is online constantly, updating her Facebook, even has the audacity to tell me she’s cutting down using her phone as she’s too busy for people.
It has hurt me so much and I feel angry she has taken for years and is dismissive of me now. A user.

CoolJule43 Wed 27-Feb-19 10:40:57

Your friend is either very selfish or very forgetful.

I'm not on FB and I can't fathom why people spend so much time putting inane stuff on there. Having said that, I'm addicted to MN but I do answer text messages straight away.

ifoundthebread Wed 27-Feb-19 10:53:14

I'm the type of person that thinks over a reply types half of it out, gets side tracked then forgets about it, but because I have actually thought about it and picked up my phone to reply I don't realise until I haven't replied until hours later when I see I've got no reply and go to check on friend.

MereDintofPandiculation Wed 27-Feb-19 11:04:58

It's easy to write inane stuff on FB, it takes thought and effort to respond to a difficult text from a friend. Maybe she's doing mindless things while she mulls over how to reply to you? Bit tactless to do mindless things where you can see it, though.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 27-Feb-19 11:06:50

That’s rubbish OP. There’s no excuse for not responding to a friend in a bad situation.

FriarTuck Wed 27-Feb-19 11:10:23

Maybe she wanted to think about her reply to you or didn't have the time to reply at that second and now it's slipped her mind. We're all human, we forget & get sidetracked.

PBo83 Wed 27-Feb-19 11:10:32

It maybe that your friend is at work and considering how to respond or waiting until they have time to reply properly. Sharing memes and all that pointless shit isn't really time consuming. Of course, it would have been nicer for her to send a quick message along the lines of 'I'm snowed under at the moment but will give you a call tonight' or something similar.

NannyRed Wed 27-Feb-19 11:16:55

I had a message drop down whilst I was busy yesterday. (You know when the message half appears at the top of the iPad) I clicked on it, didn’t even read it, just shut it down and continued with what I was doing, which was genuinely important.
About four hours later I remembered someone had messaged me, but I couldn’t remember who, I went searching but couldn’t remember who or through what medium, so I look like I’m ignoring but it’s genuinely life getting busy.

I’m sure if you’re such a great friend, your friend won’t want to hurt you, please don’t think you’re being ignored.
I hope life gets better for you soon.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 27-Feb-19 11:23:25

But the OP says that as soon as she needs support she disappears, so I doubt she read it and thought she’d reply later or whatever.

MarieIVanArkleStinks Wed 27-Feb-19 11:24:35

The possibility is that YABU here, but you know your friend best. It's not reasonable to not to be there in support of friends who are in distress. But it's also not reasonable to 'police' people's on-screen time or get upset when they don't instantly respond to messages. 4pm yesterday isn't that big a time-lapse, and even during hard times this certainly wouldn't be a friendship deal-breaker for me. There could be any number of reasons for it. Phone charging overnight; she might not have been using Facebook on her phone and therefore not seen the message come up; she may have seen it and been in the middle of a stressful day or busy herself and so decided to respond the following day. She might even have forgotten. People have lives; I don't expect my friends to be on call for me 24 hours a day.

And this is where your problem could lie. If these are the expectations you're placing on a friendship then they might be unreaslistic, and could be perceived as quite demanding and draining from the other side. If this is the case your friend might have decided to distance herself, as many people would in such a situation. Or she could be simply selfish. You are best-placed to judge that.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

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